Welcome to this week's Off the Ball, which applauds Ron Manager. Mmmm, marvellous, isn't it?

Da Doo Ron Ron Manager
Less than two months since the season begun and the managerial roundabout is in full swing. In the Premiership alone, after just six rounds of matches Paul Sturrock and Sir Bobby Robson had been sacked, Graeme Souness had left Blackburn to move to Newcastle, and Gary Megson and Kevin Keegan were, word has it, on the brink.

On top of that, Sturrock's replacement at Southampton, Steve Wigley, has been told he can only have the job until December as he doesn't have the right qualifications. And, of course, Liverpool, Spurs and Chelsea had all changed managers in the close season.

All of which means that, by mid-September, nearly one-third of all Premiership clubs had changed managers since the end of last season! And readers of the website message board will know that even our own Monsieur Renard had fans demanding his head after just five games in charge.

If you think that's bad, it's even worse on the Continent. Real Madrid's Jose Antonio Camacho walked less than a month into the new campaign after two successive defeats, while in Italy Rudi Voller quit as Roma boss after a mere 26 days. Not so much a managerial reign as a clever way to get a summer holiday in Italy and get paid for it.

It's all a far cry from the old days when managers, once appointed, were removed only by death or, er, well, that was about it really. Or is it? In the spirit of enquiry, OTB has been doing a bit of research into managerial lifespans down the years.

Taking the current line-up of Premiership clubs, the average managerial reign certainly has reduced over the years. In the years up until 1945, managers spent, on average, 6.3 years with each club - longer than today, but not perhaps quite the eternity you might have thought.

Between 1945 and 1980 the average reign fell dramatically to just 3.9 years, but since 1980 this figure has plummeted further, to just 2.4 years. So in other words, your average manager has just two full seasons in which to win a trophy or attract the attentions of another club - which ain't long. Only four Premiership clubs, incidentally, still have the same manager they had way, way back in 2000 - Arsenal and ManUre, both of whom have been extremely successful in the last few years, and Bolton and Charlton, who can also claim success, albeit on another level.

Of the other 16, all have changed manager at least once since 2000, while Portsmouth and Crystal Palace have managed no fewer than nine gaffers between them in that time!

All of which makes me admire the way they do things at West Bromwich Albion (Megson's possible departure notwithstanding). West Brom once kept the same manager for, believe it or not, 46 years! Yes, one Fred Everiss became the Baggies' boss in 1902 and finally left office in 1948.

Just think about that - it means that most of the senior players in his first squad were likely to have died of old age by the time he left office. His reign began one year after Queen Victoria died, but ended just six years before the birth of rock'n'roll! That's an astonishing achievement by any standards, and one that makes Alex Ferguson a mere beginner at Old Trafford.

After such a lengthy reign, it was no surprise that the club flapped around a bit for the next few years not knowing what to do. However, after experimenting with, amongst others, a Jack, a Vic, a Jesse (insert your own joke here) and an Archie, WBA finally hit upon the simplest solution to their managerial appointments. They invented Ron Manager.

Between 1975 and 1988, the Baggies' sequence of managers ran thus: Johnny, Ronnie, Ron, Ronnie, Ron, Johnny, Ron, Ron (the two Johnnys, presumably, were the result of either a deaf Chairman or a dodgy phone line).

And it worked - the period saw the Baggies win promotion to the top flight, where they stayed for a mighty ten years.

Now, OTB likes this system, which has all sorts of advantages over today's merry-go-round. No more endless, unsettling speculation, no weeks of waiting and uncertainty, and no need for fans to keep inventing new songs to fit the gaffer's name. In fact, with a sequence of Ronnie, Ron, Ron the songs rather write themselves. So, if it's not Ron, or at the very least something that rhymes with Ron, clear off and don't bother applying.

And, lest we forget, some of Cambridge's finest moments have come under a Ron (Atkinson) and a John (Beck). (OK, some of the worst moments too).

Sadly, there is only one Ron Manager currently plying his trade, Ronnie Moore at Rotherham.
But, it does mean that when the time (hopefully a very long, trophy-filled way off) eventually comes to replace Herve, the Board need only look in one place for his successor. Remember, you heard it here first.

P.s. In case you're wondering, West Brom's managers were, in order, Johnny Giles, Ronnie Allen, Ron Atkinson, Allen again, Ron Wylie, Giles again, Ron Saunders, and Atkinson a third time (!).

From Porto with Love
Talking of managers, is it just me, or does Chelsea's self-effacing Portuguese boss Jose Mourinho speak English with an impeccable Russian accent? I've heard of crawling to your boss, but really, this is taking it too far.

Have you been sacked because your name isn't Ron? If so, OTB wants to know about it! You can write to us with any feedback, comments or strange, incoherent ramblings at cufcofftheball@aol.com

Neil Cole

If you missed Neil's previous 'Off The Ball' columns, you can find them here

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