Saturday 17th February 2007 - Morecambe 2-2 U's: Charlie is our darling

Hail the returning hero!

Oh Chilli, you're so fine,
You're so fine, you blow my mind, Hey Chilli! Hey Chilli!
Oh Chilli, you're so fine,
You're so fine, you blow my mind, Hey Chilli! Hey Chilli!

Hey Chilli!
You started off all right but stayed a little long
You scored a few nice goals but you got too many wrong
And then you said "Good night"
And left your natural home, Chilli

You travelled to Darlo, then to the Orient
You had a go at Notts, then to Rushden you went
Even ruddy City wanted you on loan, Chilli

Oh, Chilli what a shame you didn't understand
Your home town club's the one, come and take us by the hand
That Brentford goal was pretty, and the other twelve
I can't recall, Chilli
But gi's some more, Chilli, do Chilli,
Don't break our hearts, Chilli

Hey Chilli!
Now you've got Robbie to do the rough stuff you hate so
He'll make you lots of space in which to run to and fro
That's something you can use
So don't say no Chilli

So, come on and give it to us any way you can
You were better than Aggie and now he's at Brighton
Oh, bang 'em in please
Don't leave us in a jam, Chilli

Oh, Chilli we only want you to understand
We love our local boys, but one thing we cannot stand
Is going down again, so with the other Dans
Please keep us up, Chilli
Just knock 'em in, Chilli, do Chilli
All forgiven, Chilli!

Oh Chilli, you're so fine,
You're so fine, you blow my mind, Hey Chilli! Hey Chilli!
Oh Chilli, you're so fine,
You're so fine, you blow my mind, Hey Chilli! Hey Chilli!

The Great Escape bid goes on and United faced the stiffest test so far in their unbeaten run with a visit to sixth-placed Morecambe. The Shrimps were perhaps the most impressive team to visit the Abbey this season when they spanked the U's 3-1 back in November, but United could take some comfort in the absence today of top scorer Michael Twiss, classy defender Chris 'Jesus' Blackburn (both injured) and diminutive David Perkins, now plying his trade in the Football League with Rochdale.

The U's also won the corresponding fixture last season despite the sending-off of Danny Bunce, so there was plenty of positivity and optimism from the travelling amber hordes. There was some puzzlement, however, when they arrived on a glorious cloudless day to find that the away end turnstile was closed with the message that there was to be no segregation, a rare occurrence only experienced before this term at Forest Green.

Naturally assuming that the away end was closed, a coterie of amber-clad visitors wasted no time in taking the home end (OK, gathering at the top of the home terrace) from which a splendid view was to be had of the pitch, muddy through a couple of days' torrential rain. The home end is a huge covered area and the most impressive part of the ground, with a modest stand on one side which contains the only seating, an uncovered, unbanked terrace along one side and the aforementioned nominal 'away' area, another covered terrace at the other end.

The hosts' menu included those perennial Northern favourites, peas and gravy to go on your chips, plus local delicacy 'Potts Pies' and something called a Hawaiian burger (something to do with surf and turf?). The players warming up had to share the pitch with a huge, cheery triangular advertising hoarding for a funeral home, plus the familiar trestle table from last season from which pre-match presentations were made.

Morecambe's home record was remarkably mediocre for a top-six team, with a record of W4 D6 L4 and only thirteen goals scored, although their away record more than compensated with a 9-3-3. Shrimps manager Sammy McIlroy (MBE as it states in large letters at the top of his programme notes - what did he receive that for, getting Northern Ireland to win a match?) is in his first full season at Christie Park after he took over as caretaker from Jim Harvey last term following his heart attack on the morning of the home game against the Mighty U's. We have that effect on people. When Harvey returned for duty after a period of recuperation, he was rather shabbily shown the door and is now doing a fine job at Forest Green.

The United side showed two changes from the defeat of Grays, Andy Duncan and David Bridges returning from suspension to replace Sam Page and Rob Wolleaston as JQ retained faith in 3-5-2. The U's fans had been enjoying plenty of good-natured banter with the home supporters, especially one chap with a large drum, but when it became apparent that Morecambe would be attacking the 'away' end during the first half, that was the cue for a mass exodus of the red-shirted faithful; it seems that end was open, after all. Missing you already.

Morecambe were looking for their first home league win since 9th December and it was United who initially looked the more confident, winning the first corner of the contest on 2 then seeing Danny Brown blast a long-ranger over a minute later. Courtney Pitt's next corner on 7 slipped through home keeper Steven Drench's hands but only at the expense of another flag-kick which came to nothing.

The visitors' front two of Robbie Simpson and Dan Chillingworth looked impressively mobile, pulling the home defence all over the shop, while Josh Simpson was adding to his growing reputation with an imperious showing in the middle, having a shot blocked by veteran Ged Brannan on 9.

Simpson (R) won a free-kick three minutes later with another bustling run, Adam Yates booked for his despairing shove, but although Pitt's free-kick found its way over the wall, it carried no power and plopped comfortably into Drench's waiting gloves.

Morecambe may have been missing some key players, but flashes of the side that looked so impressive at the Abbey were coming through, not least on 14 when Michael Howard drove forward down the right and attempted to surprise Shane Herbert with a drive for the near post from an acute angle, but the U's keeper was alert and tipped away.

At the other end Drench was equally busy, Brown firing across goal then Chilli having a snap shot smothered on 17. Then it was Sherbert's turn to show what he was made of again as Garry Thompson launched an Exocet which was arrowing for the top corner until superbly pawed away at the expense of a corner.

The teams continued to circle each other like hungry hyenas, both probing for weak points in an open and entertaining encounter, but the defences held firm, United's three towering centre-backs looking solid while the hosts were led by Jim Bentley, chunkier than Anna Nicole Smith's much sought-after bank balance and with roughly the same build as the unfortunately deceased, er, celebrity (what did she do again?).

Herbert stooped low to collect a shot from Gary Hunter on 27, then came the breakthrough at the other end. Robbie Simpson was the architect, thrusting into the Morecambe box and slipping the ball through towards the lurking Chilli. He was initially beaten to it by Yates, but he dithered horrendously and Chilli nipped in to take it off his toes and rifle home past Drench from eight yards for his first goal in his second spell in amber. Welcome home: 1-0.

Almost immediately Morecambe retaliated when Craig Stanley crossed for Wayne Curtis to guide a header onto the roof of the net, but United had just about deserved their lead. Jon Brady scudded a low drive wide on 34 while Pitt toepoked over a minute later, while a Thompson run on 40 opened up the U's defence but could not find a man in red to finish as United attempted to clear unconvincingly.

Aidan Collins blocked another Thompson effort on 45 before United retired to the changing rooms after a satisfactory and hard-fought first half which had continued their recent encouraging form. Dared we dream of a second consecutive victory at Christie Park? Probably best not to, it could get messier than Chelsea's pitch.

There were scenes reminiscent of United's last spell in non-League in the 1960s when the fans swapped ends for the second half, a sight usually confined to pre-season friendlies at quaint little lower league grounds these days. Like Histon (The horror! The horror!).

The hosts started in lively fashion, Sammy Mac having undoubtedly given them a piece of his mind during the break, Yates blasting wide on 49 and Carlton wellying over two minutes later. Then came a golden opportunity against the run of play for United to double their lead.

Morecambe were caught napping by a quick break and Chilli ran onto a ball over the top towards the box. Looking up, he must have been amazed to see just one defender and two team-mates ahead and to the right of him, Brady and Robbie Simpson.

The latter had to jump out of the way as Chilli's slid through ball found the Aussie winger, but with the whole goal at his mercy and not a challenge in sight, he pulled his shot disappointingly wide of the far post. A golden opportunity wasted.

The action switched back to the other end and on 54 Thompson's cross found Carlton, whose spectacular volley was heading under the bar until magnificently tipped one-handed over the bar by Herbert. He then dealt with the ensuing corner with a decisive fist.

Josh Simpson produced a splendid run down the right followed by a deliciously tempting cross on 55 which ran inches from Robbie's inrushing feet. Chilli and Robbie combined again on 57 for the former to volley ambitiously high and wide, then superb work by Josh saw him beat three players and slide a precision though ball to his namesake who was just foiled by Bentley at the expense of a corner.

The hosts' pressure told, however, on the hour. The ball was only half-cleared to Chilli deep in his own half and he was dispossessed for Curtis to force a corner off Collins' head. The flag-kick by Carlton arrowed to the centre of goal, and there was Bentley, scandalously unmarked, sending a diving header past Herbert. The sort of goal that has managers tearing their hair out if they have any left: 1-1.

Resurgent Morecambe threatened to overrun their visitors, Curtis firing wide under pressure from Brown on 63, and seven minutes later JQ made two changes, withdrawing Pitt and an ineffectual David Bridges in favour of Sam Page and Charles Ademeno.

United reverted to 4-4-2 with a back four consisting entirely of centre-backs, Chilli wide right, Brady wide left and Ademeno joining Robbie S up front.

The switch seemed to work and McIlroy on the home bench became more and more shrill and enervated to Violet Elizabeth Bott proportions, capped on 74 when Morrison was felled by Curtis in front of his bench and the Morecambe boss seemed to want to push the ball through the United man rather than just give it to him.

His hissy fit backfired when Morrison's long free-kick dropped to Robbie Simpson near the penalty area and he threaded it forward to Ademeno, who in one lightning-fast action turned and curled an exquisite shot past Drench from ten yards for his first goal in United colours. Superb: 2-1!

McIlroy, now looking more dangerous than a bowl of M&S houmous, made his own double sub on 80, introducing Paul Lloyd and Jason Walker for Curtis and Hunter, and wouldn't you know it, Lloyd scored two minutes later with his first touch. His shot from just outside the area was a low trundler which flew past Brown, who might have been partially unsighting Herbert, and it rolled perfectly into the very far bottom corner of the net as the United keeper slipped and failed to get across in time. 2-2.

The next few minutes were more hairy for United than Russell Brand and Amy Winehouse's lovechild as the hosts exerted a concerted spell of pressure, Herbert producing another fine save as Thompson's belter of a cross threatened to fly in under the crossbar, but United held firm. And they had a secret weapon to relieve the pressure.

Ademeno is possessed of a low centre of gravity and frightening pace and in the last few minutes he terrorised a Morecambe defence which had no answer to him. On 86 his squirming turn on the very edge of the box saw him upended by Bentley at the expense of a booking for the home skipper, but Brady's free-kick was feebly floated well over the top.

Stephen Smith replaced Robbie Simpson on 87 and although you would have thought he might have swapped places with Chilli, the diminutive midfielder effectively played the last few minutes as support for Ademeno. The little speed merchant got another player booked on 89, this time Brannan the man who chopped him down, but with a crowded box at his mercy, Brady's hopeless free-kick sailed straight out of play. What a waste.

Last sub on 90 saw Jerome Watt replace Carlton for the hosts, but four added minutes could produce nothing more of note and honour was satisfied in an entertaining draw. It says a lot for United's recent revival that we should feel some pangs of disappointment in 'only' drawing at a place like Morecambe, but as Eric & Ernie's immortal 'Bring Me Sunshine' blared jauntily from the speakers, we could be satisfied with another committed and encouraging performance which can only engender more hope for the hard road ahead. Keep believing.

Player Ratings
Herbert 8. Confident and commanding with some cracking saves. Might be a little disappointed with Morecambe's second goal.
A.Collins 7. Never less than thoroughly competent.
Duncan 7. Reliable as ever.
Morrison 7. Plenty of good work.
Brady 7. Busy and combative, although all of his crosses were made from deep; the odd run to the byline wouldn't go amiss.
J.Simpson 8. Improving with every game, tremendous today.
Brown 8. Fulcrum of the side.
Bridges 6. Disappointingly anonymous for much of the game and unsurprisingly withdrawn.
Pitt 6. Always committed, but something of a weak link defensively.
Chillingworth 7. Great to see him on the scoresheet, now just needs to raise the quality of the rest of his game to match his mobility.
R.Simpson 8. Superbly committed line leader again.

Ademeno 8. Fantastic impact sub, super goal, and Morecambe just could not cope with him at all. A star is born.
Page 7. No-nonsense defending.
S.Smith 6. Filled in near the end.

Match Summary
The United revival continued as only a couple of moments of defensive fragility prevented them from claiming a third win in four games. And how encouraging to see two new(ish) names of the scoresheet.

Man of the Match
Josh Simpson. Hard to believe he is still a teenager as this boy has everything he needs to become a top class midfield player: tenacity, mobility, vision and exceptional passing skills. The football world is his lobster.

Ref Watch
Coote 7. Bit of a fusspot who gave far too many needless free-kicks, especially against Robbie S, but no major errors and a bonus point for not booking any United players!

Soundtrack of the Day
Dartz! "Once, Twice, Again!"

JB's Jukebox
Jon Brady has a Captain Cook at the Christie Park sounds. "Now you might have noticed that as far as I'm concerned, Classic Rock is the bizzo, but I'd be coming a gutser if I didn't listen to all sorts, and variety was just what Morecambe had to offer. They don't come catchier than that 'Monster' song and the new Kaiser Chiefs is tastier than a bottle of Cab Sav, while you can't go wrong with a bit of Primal Scream, Arctic Monkeys, Curtis Mayfield and 'A Town Called Malice.' That Amy Winehouse seems like a bit of a figjam for a Sheila who looks like she's just fallen in a bucket of tarmac but her music is pretty fair dinkum, but I draw the flamin' line at D:ream's 'Things Can Only Get Better'! Strewth, I'd rather suck a trough lolly that hear that again! And as for that Mika... bloody oath, I've heard more enjoyable noises coming out of my arse on a Friday night! JBJ Verdict: 8/10"

Andrew Bennett

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Previous match reports:
U's 2-0 Grays
Oxford 1-1 U's
U's 3-0 Woking
Rushden & Diamonds 3-1 U's
Stevenage 4-1 U's
U's 0-1 Stafford
U's 1-2 Burton
U's 0-1 Rushden & Diamonds
Histon 5-0 U's
Woking 0-1 U's
U's 0-2 St Albans
U's 1-3 Morecambe
U's 3-0 Gravesend
Grays 1-1 U's
Northwich 2-0 U's (FA Cup Qual)
U's 0-3 Oxford
U's 1-2 Crawley
U's 2-2 Altrincham
Burton 2-1 U's
U's 1-0 Stevenage
U's 1-1 Kidderminster
Forest Green 1-1 U's
U's 1-3 Exeter
Dagenham 2-0 U's
U's 1-2 Halifax
St Albans 1-1 U's
U's 0-1 Northwich Victoria

Pre-season match reports:
Histon 0-0 U's (3-4 on pens)
U's 1-3 Norwich
Fakenham 0-7 U's
Enfield FC 0-2 U's
Cambridge City 0-2 U's
U's 4-4 Ipswich
U's 0-4 West Ham
Bury Town 1-2 U's
Leyton 0-3 U's

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