Tuesday 23rd January 2007 - Rushden 3-1 U's: Diamonds and the Rough

Here at CUFC Online we are delighted to present a newly discovered early draft of the classic 'If' by the great poet and cake magnate Rudyard Kipling. It seems the U's had famous fans even back in the Cambs League days!

If you can keep the faith when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on the team;
If you can cheer them on though you doubt them too,
And you may not be as confident as you seem;
If you can sing and not be tired by chanting,
Or, being conned, don't deal in lies,
Or, being sworn at, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't act too grand, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools;

If you can give your time for love not money
To promote a cause you believe just and true
And travel the length and breadth of the country
To show the locals what your town means to you;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To rally and support tho' they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can handle all life's slings and arrows,
If you will not let adversity dim your voice;
If your loyalty overrides all your sorrows;
If your spirit is undaunted by constant crises;
If you can fill every ninety minutes
With defiance, humour, pride and passion
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a U's fan, my son!

Following Cambridge United for the last five years has been little short of a waking nightmare, a car crash in extreme slow motion. It has scarcely been better for our neighbours Rushden & Diamonds, now fellow strugglers in the Conference and bereft of both Max Griggs' guiding hand and his deep pockets. But at least Rushden own their own ground and adjoining complex...

The sides last met little less than two years ago, on the occasion of United's last away game in the Football League. On a warm, sunny day with relegation already a certainty, there was an air of set-jaw defiance from the amber hordes who packed the away end, adorned in various versions of the John Howard T-shirts that were briefly so popular at the time. Some were even on sale from a camper van in the car park.

On that day United gained their first away victory of the season with their first penalty, slotted home by Tes Bramble, and although Conference football beckoned, the fans' mood was one of positivity in adversity. Two years later, the adversity looms even larger and more menacingly than before, but although emotions like bitterness and frustration are bursting through more than ever, the U's supporters were still determined to roar their side on to their dying breath.

In stark contrast to last time, it was a chilly winter's evening that greeted the 500+ travelling fans, although there was a warm welcome awaiting them in the pleasant 'Strikers' Bar where opposing supporters mixed freely and amiably. Nene Park may not be a huge arena, but it is neat, tidy and more than adequate for its purpose, and retains the little quirks like the concrete owls roosting on top of the stands. And the Diamond Centre and training pitches next door will guarantee a vital income for the club now that it is back in non-League after its all-too-brief stay in the limelight.

Diamonds have gathered together a mixture of grizzled old pros and youngsters under shy, retiring boss Graham Westley and appear to be gradually extricating themselves from the foot of the table.

Two ex-Rushden players lined up for the U's in Mark Peters and Jon Brady, within a team which showed just two changes from the defeat at Stevenage in the goalkeeping reinstatement of Paul Crichton and the replacement of Josh Simpson with Jordan Collins. With three centre-backs and two full-backs on display, it looked like it was going to be the dreaded wing-backs, but JQ had a cunning plan... he placed Andy Duncan in central midfield as the ballwinner.

Yes, it was square pegs time again. Dear old Duncs has many qualities, but the mobility, awareness and range of passing ability of a midfiejd player are not exactly high up the list; in fact, some of us remembered the previous occasion when he played there, in an away game at Swansea eight years ago, and he looked lost then. JQ would stand or fall on his gamble as accomplished midfielders Josh Simpson and Stephen Smith warmed the bench.

Duncan started the way he meant to carry on by flattening Jamie Cook inside ten seconds of the first whistle, but early exchanges were fairly even until Courtney Pitt shuffled into the box on 4 and appeared to be upended by Wayne Hatswell. No pen, said ref Mr Can't, sorry, Cann.

The United defence had already started to look nervous against Rushden's pacy attack of Simeon Jackson and Chris Beardsley, and within 7 it had fallen apart. Glenn Wilson bamboozled Collins by the right byline, lashed over a low cross into the six-yard box, Crichton palmed unconvincingly out and while his defenders played their usual game of statues, Jackson nipped in to poke home from close range: 1-0.

Here we go again. United, rabbits caught in the headlights of another impending defeat, froze as Rushden ran at them at will, their ineffectual midfield seemingly unable to stop or pick anyone up and the back four as nervy as a Big Brother publicist. Cook galloped onto a loose ball on 10 to fire for the far corner only to be foiled by Crichton's low dive, and the same player blazed over two minutes later as the amber shirts seemed to sit back and invite him to shoot.

Collins, confidence shaken by the early blow, picked up a booking on 15 for a foul on his tormentor Wilson, and while United began to at least enjoy some possession, none of it was in a dangerous position and the forwards were starved of any effective supply.

For the hosts, Jon Ashton sent a blaster over on 21, and four minutes later Beardsley was almost sent through by Jackson but saw the ball clutched by Crichton. Beardsley caught the U's keeper painfully on the hand as he lunged in to challenge and after a stoppage for some treatment, Mr Cann produced the yellow card... to Jackson! The diminutive striker, six inches smaller and several skin tones darker than his perpetrating colleague, was clearly astonished at Mr Can't's worrying lack of observational skills, but Beardsley kept his own counsel as the United fans chortled unsympathetically.

Rushden were nothing special, but United were utterly nondescript with a quaking defence, clodhopping central midfield in which Rob Wolleaston appeared to have washed his feet and couldn't do a thing with them again, two wingers who could barely muster a five-yard run between them, and a couple of good quality strikers who must have despaired of ever receiving a pass worthy of the name. What they did not resemble was a team fighting for its life, although the amber hordes behind the goal were as inspirationally vocal as ever.

On the half hour the U's at last managed to threaten the home goal. Pitt's corner arrowed to Morrison's head and his nod was cleared off the line by Mark Albrighton. Dean Hooper's follow-up found only keeper Scott Tynan. Then another Pitt cross was flicked on by Dean Holdsworth and it fell to Duncan of all people eight yards out; sadly he scuffed his shot and Tynan was able to clear to Brady whose shot was knocked away for another corner.

If the amber hordes thought this would signal a sustained onslaught on the hosts' goal, they were mistaken. This is a team without leaders, devoid of a driving force, and like a rudderless ship they lost their way and foundered like a cargo ship off the coast of Devon. And there was no treasure to be salvaged here.

Duncan was predictably booked for a clumsy foul on Wilson on 37, and that man Cook sent another shot sailing over the bar two minutes later. Then Holdsworth joined his colleagues in the book for toppling Albrighton.

Last chances of an uninspiring half fell to the hosts on 43, Jackson sprinting clear but delaying his shot sufficiently to permit Michael Morrison to block, then Gary Mills keeping up his team's American footballesque shooting record.

The Duncan experiment has patently not worked, and almost all of the rest of the team looked utterly flat. Did JQ learn inspirational team talks on his coaching courses? The first record played over the PA at half-time summed everything up: Talking Heads' 'Road To Nowhere.'

Astoundingly, the same line-up emerged for part two. The tone was set early when Peters and Crichton, two of United's most experienced players, left a ball for each other and were lucky to concede only a corner. Try talking to each other, boys.

Rushden claimed first yellow of the half on 47, Wilson for clattering Pitt, and four minutes later Cook finally got a shot on target and was denied only by a fine diving save from Crichton. As the hosts continued their early pressure, Beardsley also forced a stop from the United custodian then fired wide.

Wilson established a new altitude record for the hosts' sky-high shots on 53 as he sent a half-volley over the stand and halfway to Irthlingborough town centre, apparently the most exciting thing to happen there since pensioner Albert Cribbins dropped his walking stick and exclaimed "Oh botheration!" quite loudly in April 1983. The local paper was full of nothing else for weeks.

As if matters were not bad enough already, now the injuries began to kick in. Hooper was obliged to withdraw on 54, to be replaced at right-back by Matt 'Doesn't Anybody Want Me?' Bloomer. Pitt tried a quick free-kick past the wall but could muster no power, then Collins was replaced by Smith on 57 after a less than happy evening. The amber hordes, unaware that the youngster had an injury, were less than thrilled that they now had a midfielder at left-back and a centre-back still playing five-yard square balls on the halfway line.

Diamonds made their first sub a minute later, Marcus Kelly replaced by ex-Watford midfielder David Perpetuini, who should perhaps have joined Bella, Fizz, Jake and Milo as a better career move. Pitt produced a decent run down the left but failed to find Purser with his cross, then on 65 came United's best chance when the mercurial winger was upended by Wilson just outside the area.

There was only one man who was going to take this one, and Holdsworth stepped up to curl a splendid effort around the wall, through a crowded box and was only foiled by Tynan's athletic dive to his left to tip around the post.

Albrighton picked up the next booking for tripping Purser on 67, but there was consternation in the amber ranks a minute later when Holdsworth was withdrawn in favour of Robbie Simpson. It seems Deano had a 'hamstring,' but this was not apparent at the time and what was seen as a negative substitution did not go down well at all. And if Deano is not fit for Saturday, leaving United down to two fit strikers, questions will be asked as to why so many forwards have been released without replacement.

Rushden made two changes of their own in the next two minutes, Dave Savage and Michael Rankine replacing Wilson and Jackson, but there still appeared to be only one outcome on the way as United remained stilted and subdued, players like Brady and Wolleaston perhaps even trying too hard and getting nowhere. Simpson also tried his utmost to make something happen, but could only pull a shot well wide on 73.

The hosts responded with a speedy counter-attack and Rankine forced another good save from Crichton on 74 with a fifteen-yard toepoke. But the resultant corner was much more deadly: Gary Mills whipped it in, Crichton stayed on his line, and there was Beardsley ghosting in completely unmarked five yards out to nod comfortably home. Appalling defending all round: 2-0.

Now the calls for the manager's head began in earnest. Pitt was booked for tripping Beardsley on 76, and four minutes later it really was all over bar the (substantial) shouting.

Diamonds enjoyed possession on the edge of the United box before Cook crashed in a low shot which Crichton again did well to parry; but this time it fell only to Rankine, who poked home from a narrow angle off Crichton in at the far post. 3-0.

"We're going down without a fight!" sang the apoplectic amber army in between letting JQ know exactly what they thought of him and his team's meek acquiescence. Cook shot over once more for old time's sake on 82, Pitt had a tame effort caught on 88, but the only memorable action of the last ten minutes came from the away end where United's remarkable supporters continued to easily outsing the mute home contingent.

There was one final, almost comedic twist as United scored the flukiest of 'consolation' (ha!) goals. A corner was half-cleared to the edge of the box, Pitt lobbed it hopefully back in as the defence rushed out, and with more than a suspicion of offside, Duncan and Morrison lunged at the bouncing ball. Tynan flapped, Morrison probably got the merest touch, and it ballooned into the net as the ref looked to the linesman for any decision as to the goal's validity. With none forthcoming, I think he just gave the U's the goal out of sympathy. 3-1.

The atmosphere at the end was undeniably fraught and emotional as the amber horde vented its spleen at the manager for his charges' insipid surrender. And yes, he must carry the can as that is the way of things and he now resembles a blindfolded man groping in the dark for a black needle in an obsidian haystack. But if the players asked themselves on the way home 'Did I do my best?' I wonder what the honest answer would have been?

We are all asking ourselves the same question: where do we go from here? And we are all hoping that answer isn't "Billingham Synthonia". There are some big, big decisions to be made in the next few days and weeks, decisions that will affect the whole future of this great club. And the fans can only watch and hope that the decisions are correct. Remember hope?

Player Ratings
Crichton 4. Several fine reaction saves, but not exactly blameless for most of the goals. Shame he felt the need to swear at one of his own supporters.
Hooper 5. Adequate until forced off by injury.
Peters 4. Looked ponderous against Rushden's speedy forwards.
Morrison 5. Like most of his colleagues, not firing on nearly enough cylinders.
Collins 4. Caught out for the first goal and had a game to forget. All part of the learning curve for this promising youngster.
Brady 4. Heart was in it but his form wasn't. Created nothing.
Wolleaston 3. Negligible again and must be getting picked by default because his form this season wouldn't warrant a starting place in United's Under-10s.
Duncan 4. Did his best but the manager must be the only person in the universe who thinks Andy is an in any way useful midfielder.
Pitt 4. Wretched season for someone with so much natural skill. Accomplished nothing worthwhile.
Holdsworth 5. Splendid free-kick, otherwise the midfield failed to deliver any sort of decent service.
Purser 4. Starved of supply by woeful team-mates.

Bloomer 4. Plodded willingly.
Smith 4. Utterly wasted at left-back - why didn't JQ change the formation as he was so quick to do for Saturday?
Simpson 4. Strove manfully to little effect.

Match Summary
The nightmare continued for the long-suffering U's fans as their team slumped to another limp and lifeless defeat while making mediocre Rushden look like Manchester United. When will this torment end?

Men (and Women) of the Match
The supporters. Playing a blinder to the end despite their side's utter mediocrity, their hoarse, desperate rendition of "Everywhere We Go" at 3-0 down was a last, defiant rage against the dying of the Conference light.

Ref Watch
Cann 6. Consistent only for his inconsistency, his regular and seemingly random whistling for free-kicks where no offence had been committed at least kept us entertained.

Soundtrack of the Day
Bobby Cook 'Gone So Far'/'Can't Sleep'

JB's Jukebox
Jon Brady lends an ear to the Nene Park sounds. "They're a fine collection of bludgers at my old stamping ground, but strewth, they do like their Sixties soul music! It doesn't give me the irrits, but frankly I can take or leave Fontella Bass or the Fantastics. And what in blue blazes was Barry Blue doing in there? After that it was all Richard Cranium music like 'Tom Hark', 'Hi Ho Silver Bloody Lining' and Dario G, plus me old Scotch mates the Proclaimers again. It picked up a bit at half-time with the Stranglers and Sinead O'Connor's rockiest song 'Mandinka' but by then they'd come a clanger once too often in my book!" JBJ verdict: 2/10

Andrew Bennett

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Previous match reports:
Stevenage 4-1 U's
U's 0-1 Stafford
U's 1-2 Burton
U's 0-1 Rushden & Diamonds
Histon 5-0 U's
Woking 0-1 U's
U's 0-2 St Albans
U's 1-3 Morecambe
U's 3-0 Gravesend
Grays 1-1 U's
Northwich 2-0 U's (FA Cup Qual)
U's 0-3 Oxford
U's 1-2 Crawley
U's 2-2 Altrincham
Burton 2-1 U's
U's 1-0 Stevenage
U's 1-1 Kidderminster
Forest Green 1-1 U's
U's 1-3 Exeter
Dagenham 2-0 U's
U's 1-2 Halifax
St Albans 1-1 U's
U's 0-1 Northwich Victoria

Pre-season match reports:
Histon 0-0 U's (3-4 on pens)
U's 1-3 Norwich
Fakenham 0-7 U's
Enfield FC 0-2 U's
Cambridge City 0-2 U's
U's 4-4 Ipswich
U's 0-4 West Ham
Bury Town 1-2 U's
Leyton 0-3 U's

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