Saturday 20th January 2007 - Stevenage 4-1 U's: Living on Boro'ed time

Hi there, Cambridge United soccer fans! I'm David Soul. Older supporters might remember me as the good-looking maverick cop in 'Starsky & Hutch' along with that guy with the curly hair. Younger ones will know me for my starring role in the controversial 'Jerry Springer - The Musical.' And the ones in the middle may recall some really interesting experimental theatre I did in Great Yarmouth back in the late Eighties ('Widow Twankey' ring any bells?).

But hey, enough of the trumpet blowing already! I'm here at the request of Lee Power, a really lovely guy and a close personal friend. He's told me all about your little club and how things have gone kinda downhill for you guys in the last few year, and he wanted me to offer you a few words of encouragement. Well I can do a heck of a lot better than that - I can do it in song! Remember this all-time classic?

Don't give up on us, baby
I know our players aren't bright
But surely one day they'll come right
Though they've tried with all their might
Our favourite superstars
Ain't scored for hours

Don't give up on us, baby
We're still worth one more try
I know success has passed us by
Just say your prayers for Quinny
Although his fans are few
Don't give up on us, I know we can still come through

I really lost my head that night
Temptation was to stop believing
Still shudder when I see that Histon sign

Don't give up on us, baby
We've changed all the strikers
Now take a look at our front pair
A poacher and a fat bloke
Who sometimes plays the fool
Don't give up on us, I know
We can still come through

It's written in the headlines
You can't change the fans
We can't change ours

Don't give up on us, baby
Do you remember why
The solidarity march went by
It's time to pull together
I knew our stars are few
Don't give up on us, I know
We can still come through

Don't give up on us, baby!

The away end at Stevenage's Broadhall Way may not have been as packed as it was last season, but the presence of a large, noisy contingent of the amber hordes showed that there are still plenty who aren't willing to give up on the U's by a long chalk. They should have been commended for turning up at all to a venue which holds nothing but unpleasant recent memories for those of the amber persuasion, starting with that nine-man FA Cup disaster back in 1997 for which the name of Brain Coddington will forever be held in disgust and contempt. Grrr!!

The contrast between Cambridge and Stevenage could not be more marked: one of the most picturesque cities in the world versus a deeply unlovely new town constructed entirely of tarmac and concrete. Broadhall Way, similarly, is adequate and functional without any sense of history, although facilities for visiting supporters have improved immeasurably now that their grotty uncovered terrace has been replaced by a spacious seated stand.

Having parted company with shy, self-effacing introvert Graham Westley over the summer, his invitation in last term's programme for us to laugh at him should he fail to steer his team to the playoffs still echoing around the stands, ex-Grays boss Mark Stimson is now in charge, and after a shaky start he now presides over the form team of the Conference with eight wins and a draw from their last nine games.

George Boyd has been sold to Fenland laughing stock Peterborough United, but they still have plenty of goals in the side in the form of ex-Grays man Jamie Slabber and former Bishop's Stortford goalgetter Steve Morison, with ammunition provided by veteran ex-England winger (no, really) Steve Guppy. Ex-U's keeper Scott Barrett is still there as assistant manager, but Le Dieu Lionel Perez is sadly departed, although his spirit lives on in keeper Alan Julian's natty orange short-sleeved jersey.

For United, there were three changes from last week's dismal home defeat by Stafford.

New boy, promising 35-year-old Dean Hooper (pictured) came in for the now-departed Rob Gier (and good luck to a fine, tough-tackling defender), Mark Peters replaced Jordan Collins, doubtless recovering from Thursday's Youth Cup match at Cardiff, and Stephen Smith was replaced by ex-Stevenage man Jon Brady, returned from suspension.

The absence of a specialist left-back and Hooper's past experience as a wing-back left JQ unable to resist the temptation to tinker with the system, and United lined up with three centre-backs in Peters, Andy Duncan and Michael Morrison, wide men Hooper and Courtney Pitt, an engine room of Rob Wolleaston and Josh Simpson, and Brady left in a roaming role behind the new strike partnership of Dean Holdsworth and Wayne Purser. Shane Herbert retained his place in goal and Paul Crichton returned from suspension to warm the bench.

It was a cool but bright sunny day with a swirling wind left over from the howling gales that lashed the country on Thursday. United were no less bright in a positive start to the game, Hooper's cross in the first minute nodded across his own six-yard box by full-back Barry Fuller and just past the far post for a corner. As a declaration of intent it could not been more unequivocal, given that it took them 44 minutes to get their first flag-kick last week.

It immediately became apparent that here was a United team which was at last prepared to play the ball through midfield instead of lumping it aerially in the vague direction of the front two. They were, however, up against formidable in-form opposition, and Herbert passed his first test on 4 when Guppy's free-kick found Morison's head and his powerful nod from near the penalty spot was superbly tipped over the top by the young custodian.

The hosts' front two combined well three minutes later for Morison to fire a fizzer just over the bar, then Simpson tried a first-timer at the other end which swung wildly wide. Brady was clearly fired up against his former employers but his sliding tackle on Adam Miller on 10 was a trifle too, er, exuberant and it gained him the first yellow card of the day.

Tempers appeared on the verge of fraying on both sides for some time afterwards, but the histrionics never attained Warnockian heights.

Simpson lashed another long-ranger wide on 14, closer this time, and there was danger up the other end four minutes later when Jon Nurse set up Slabber with a clear run on goal from just outside the box; but he hesitated, and Herbert was lightning fast to sprint from his line and smother at the striker's feet.

It was a fast-moving, competitive and even encounter thus far, belying the stark contrast in the sides' current form, and the bookings were evened up on 23 when Fuller was punished for a pull on Pitt.

Four minutes later the deadlock was broken, and the method could not have been more unlikely to jaded amber eyes than if Wilf Mannion himself had risen from the grave and waltzed past ten opponents to tap home through the keeper's legs. A corner. A well-rehearsed move. Two headers won in the opposition box! We thought we'd never see such things again in our lifetimes.

Pitt and Brady worked the short corner, the ball arrowed over everyone to past the far post where Peters was waiting, and his header back across the six-yard box was an open invitation to veteran goal-poacher Holdsworth to ram home point blank for his first goal in United colours. 1-0!

Blimey. It wasn't as if the U's didn't deserve their lead, for they had been playing good, intelligent football with all five midfielders playing their part, Deano the hub and Purser beyond him pulling the Stevenage defence hither and thither with clever darting runs. And they had been playing it against good quality opposition, too. How long could this last?

Many U's fans were adamant that Julian scooped the ball into his area with a hand just beyond the boundary line a few minutes later, but the officials saw nothing, and on 36 United almost doubled their lead with another corner play which set up Holdsworth, this time foiled by the post in a crowded box.

The hosts responded with a Miller haymaker which ripped just over on 40 from the edge of the area. Purser was harshly carded a minute later for a ho-hum challenge on Fuller, who made the most of it, then another Hooper cross was helped across the six-yard box by Fuller and needed only the faintest touch to be turned in. The resultant corner set up Brady for a blaster wide.

United remained dominant, unrecognisable from the eleven lame ducks which were roasted by Stafford's nonentities last week. Hooper tested Julian's gloves with a long-range daisycutter, and on 44 Holdsworth's intelligent flick sent Purser away, cutting inside his marker and firing at the keeper from twenty yards, who blocked well.

There was still time for Miller to float a shot onto the roof of the United net, and the visitors soaked up some late pressure to go in with a well-deserved lead. But the drama was not yet at an end, as an unseemly row developed at the entrance to the tunnel as the players trooped off with Messrs Quinn and Castle involved in some hot finger-jabbing action.

The upshot was that JQ was banished to the stand for part two (don't tell me that counts as yet another ruddy red card), and Stevenage replaced Guppy's aging legs with those of Dale Binns, one of two former Cambridge City wingers on their bench along with Craig Dobson.

The hosts gained two corners early on which were defended doughtily by the thin amber line, then Purser broke away again in spring-heeled fashion down the left channel and saw a decent shot well repelled by Julian. Then on 51 came the turning point of the match.

Simpson fed Purser, and he found Holdsworth to the left of the Stevenage penalty area.

Deano cut inside against his wary marker, created half a yard of space with a little switch of feet, then from an acute angle sent a quite magnificent shot soaring past Julian to thud against the far upright, reminiscent of Thierry Henry's recent effort against Blackburn. Except the Frenchman's shot went in, of course.

Julian was so frozen by Holdsworth's brilliance that he was in just the right position to block Purser's follow-up header, and Stevenage scrambled the ball thankfully away for a corner. If United had doubled their lead then...

What had so far been a near-perfect day began to turn sour five minutes later. A sloppy pass from Wolleaston, not unique I'm afraid, gifted possession to the hosts, and as the quick forward ball bounced into the area, it made contact with Hooper's hand. Verdict: penalty. Ball to hand? Hand to ball? The result was the same. At least Hooper was only booked.

Left-back John Nutter strolled up, sporting an awful headband like an extra from Olivia Newton-John's 'Physical' video, and blasted the ball low under Herbert's brave dive. 1-1. Crazy name, crazy guy.

Well as United had been playing, all their old issues with confidence had still been bubbling just below the surface, and as their visitors' fragile self-belief began to ebb away, so Stevenage began to turn the screw. They might have doubled their lead within a minute when Nurse got down the right, his cross found Slabber, his header was parried up in the air by Herbert, and there was Brady of all people behind him on the line to nod to safety.

Now the flaws in United's game plan began to be exposed by their in-form hosts. With none of the midfield providing adequate protection, the back three suddenly looked terribly exposed, with Morrison struggling against Nurse on the left and the two other centre-backs, neither of which are exactly blessed with blinding pace, appeared to be in even greater danger of imminent doom than Watford's Premiership chances.

Miller was carded on 58 for a clumsy foul on Brady, then on the hour the U's defence was breached again when Slabber broke through the middle, pursued by Duncan. Again the much-vaunted striker hesitated when he might have shot, Duncan dived in to get a foot on the ball, and Herbert finally clambered through the tangle of limbs to claim as ref East looked on bemusedly. The latter booked Peters three minutes later for a foul on Slabber.

Now it was all one-way traffic. Morison blazed wide on 65, then forced an excellent diving save from Herbert on 68. Stevenage amended their plan of attack four minutes later when they withdrew Slabber in favour of gigantic centre-back Luke Oliver, who was sent up front. Subtle it wasn't; effective, it was.

In fact it took Oliver about a minute to set up his side's second goal, heading the ball back to the edge of the box where Mark Beard was arriving unchallenged to smash impressively home into the bottom corner past the helpless Herbert. 2-1.

A collective sigh-cum-groan issued from the amber hordes, a sigh of recognition and familiarity and resignation. Here we go again. United immediately withdrew Holdsworth, given a deserved ovation for a display that fairly oozed class, and Robbie Simpson entered the fray.

But the United defence remained as vulnerable as ever, and within two more minutes the game was well and truly up. Another ball into the box, another Oliver set-up, and this time it was Binns who rifled home unchallenged from twelve yards. Another quality finish, granted: 3-1.

Nurse was booked for some petulance at a free-kick on 78, and Wolleaston's unimpressive afternoon was summed up on 80 when he was withdrawn to give youth team skipper Michael Hyem his first team debut. The diminutive youngster made an impressive first impression with some calm, neat passing.

Robbie Simpson had also got stuck in well to his increasingly impossible task, sometimes trying to take on too many opponents in his anxiousness to get to goal, and he appeared to be clearly shoved to the ground in the box on 82, but not in the opinion of the man in black.

A minute later Robbie's best run culminated in a spectacular low shot from distance that Julian sprawled to block but couldn't hold; the ever-alert Purser followed up but he could only gain a corner.

Mark Hughes replaced Fuller on 85, and a minute later Morison fired a curler just wide. Two minutes from time, though, he raced down the right channel through United's ragged, defeated back line to thrust the final dagger into amber hearts with another impressive finish. 4-1.

As a balanced reflection of the ninety minutes, the scoreline was a travesty, but United's defensive collapse was nothing less than alarming. So much for fancy formations (again). The U's finished gamely, Hooper blasting over and Josh Simpson having a shot blocked, but it was all too little, too late.

The murky depths of the bottom four awaited. We could take much encouragement from the first hour, when we had matched and often bettered the form team of the moment, and found a style of football which brought the best out of two useful strikers. But the confidence problem still looms large. A switch back to 4-4-2 might be a start. But what this team needs most is an early goal, or ideally two. There is undoubtedly something there now to work on; we have to hope that there is enough to save us.

Being a local derby of sorts, we were able to catch local radio on the way back, and could enjoy the bizarre aural spectacle of a seemingly endless array of Peterborough supporters phoning in to tell us at great length just how speechless they were at their side's latest lamentable defeat and the unwelcome identity of their new manager. Looks like money isn't the answer either…

Player Ratings
Herbert 7. Couldn't be faulted for any of the goals and looked confident and impressive.
Hooper 6. Decent debut and will undoubtedly improve with greater match fitness.
Peters 5. Good support to the attack couldn't compensate for the shambles at the back in the second half.
Duncan 5. Found out for pace and not suited to a back three.
Morrison 5. Looked even less comfortable with the system than the others.
Brady 6. More than up for it as his early booking showed but didn't make the most of his 'free' role and one suspects he would have made more impression in his usual right-wing position.
Wolleaston 5. The odd decent run, but his poor form this season makes him more part of the problem than part of the solution.
J.Simpson 6. Infinitely more comfortable in the centre and needs a good run there to fulfil his potential.
Pitt 5. Not a natural wing-back and the system stymied both his attacking threat and the team's defensive solidity.
Purser 7. Kept the Stevenage defence on their toes with his all-action running and showed just what he will be able to do with proper service.
Holdsworth 7. One goal and almost a breathtaking second.

R.Simpson 6. Excellent impact sub and unlucky not to notch.
Hyem 6. Youngster can be proud of a splendid debut full of cool, accurate passing.

Match Summary
Like a boat made of rotting wood, United plugged one leak (the one marked 'attacking') with some impressive play for an hour, then discovered another leak at the back and shipped goals left, right and centre. Now if they can just reproduce the first bit over 90 minutes, preferably without the fancy wing-back system, we might just have a chance of survival this season.

Man of the Match
Dean Holdsworth. Proof that class IS permanent. Give the guy the ball at his feet and he can still show why he was once a £3.5 million player.

Ref Watch
East 5. Fussy mediocrity who should be grateful that an at times bad-tempered affair didn't really 'kick off' because he would have been even more out of his depth.

Soundtrack of the Day - Biffy Clyro 'Semi-Mental'

JB's Jukebox: Jon Brady lends an ear to the Broadhall Way sounds.
"Just quietly, me old Cambridge mates, I always felt like a pickpocket at a nudists' camp when I was at Stevenage 'cos they were all into that whiny R&B stuff and wouldn't give Classic Rock the time of day. I'd offer to lend them my Cold Chisel and Acker Dacker albums and they just couldn't give a stuff! So I was pleasantly surprised when they cranked up the PA and Simple Minds' 'Waterfront' came blasting out like a dingo with its donger caught in an electric fence! They also managed a nice bit of Cockney Rebel, James' 'Sit Down' is pretty catchy and the Proclaimers appeal to the Celt in me, no wucking furries! Having said that, we also had to put up with some roo's do's like 'Beatfreakz,' Nelly Furtado and KC and the Flamin' Sunshine Band, who quite deffo ought to 'Give It Up.' As for the runout music, Queen did some decent stuff in their time but 'Breakthrough' wasn't exactly their finest moment, and that Pigbag thing sounds like someone strangling a wallaby! JBJ verdict: Hit'n'miss! (5/10)"

Andrew Bennett

Now talk about it on the message board!

Previous match reports:
U's 0-1 Stafford
U's 1-2 Burton
U's 0-1 Rushden & Diamonds
Histon 5-0 U's
Woking 0-1 U's
U's 0-2 St Albans
U's 1-3 Morecambe
U's 3-0 Gravesend
Grays 1-1 U's
Northwich 2-0 U's (FA Cup Qual)
U's 0-3 Oxford
U's 1-2 Crawley
U's 2-2 Altrincham
Burton 2-1 U's
U's 1-0 Stevenage
U's 1-1 Kidderminster
Forest Green 1-1 U's
U's 1-3 Exeter
Dagenham 2-0 U's
U's 1-2 Halifax
St Albans 1-1 U's
U's 0-1 Northwich Victoria

Pre-season match reports:
Histon 0-0 U's (3-4 on pens)
U's 1-3 Norwich
Fakenham 0-7 U's
Enfield FC 0-2 U's
Cambridge City 0-2 U's
U's 4-4 Ipswich
U's 0-4 West Ham
Bury Town 1-2 U's
Leyton 0-3 U's

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