Tamworth 1-1 U's: The 'B' Team
It has been a strange old season so far, which somehow has not yet really got going, but until Tamworth on Tuesday night it hadn't involved an invisible dog. Yet towards the end of the game, there was the unmistakable sound of a dog barking, seeming to come from the front of the away end… with no canine to be seen. A glance at the clearing night sky may have provided an explanation; for there, in its cold luminescent glory, shone a full moon. Do we have a werewolf in the ranks? Or just a doggie ventriloquist?
The relatively short trip to Tamworth was mostly made through unseasonable driving rain, but it was clear over the town, with the waning sun peering intermittently through gaps in the clouds. Squatting next to the town's giant golf ball landmark the Snow Dome, the Lamb Ground is possibly the reddest venue in the country, a symphony in corrugated iron all painted the same colour throughout.
Signs outside the away entrance informed us that the game was designated 'Category A,' which meant that at £14 it was £2 more expensive than 'B' and £4 more than 'C,' the sort of cynical money-making exercise which supporters of larger clubs at whatever level apparently have to put up with these days.
We were, however, welcomed inside by a truly tiny middle-aged lady who was helping to sell programmes by the unusual method of cheery singing, her stature bringing to mind alternately Jeanette Krankie, the medium out of 'Poltergeist' or the knife maniac in the red dufflecoat from 'Don't Look Now,' albeit not nearly as scary as any of those three. Fandabidozi.
Further entertainment was proffered by the hosts' mascot, a personage dressed as, yes, a lamb in a football kit, whose wide, staring eyes and random, freestyle gymnastics and dance moves led one to wonder just what they had put in his feed.
The substantial number of away fans was housed in a shallow terrace at one end, covered by a quaint triangular shaped iron roof. The only seating in the ground was in the main stand, opposite the 'Shed,' a covered terrace running along one side of the pitch, with an uncovered terrace at the other end.
It was all very tidy and very red, although there were complaints from a supporter in the programme about the construction of a fence splitting the Shed in half to accommodate and separate the larger away followings, put up as a result of incidents at their game with Luton last season. Who would have thought that such a blameless and well-behaved club could cause such ructions, eh?
A splendid selection of music was boomed through the PA before the match, although the announcer should be prosecuted for crimes against rock for talking all over the Only Ones' seminal "Another Girl, Another Planet." The runout music was rather more predictable, a premature blast of ELP's "Fanfare For The Common Man" followed by - yawn - "Let Me Entertain You." How terribly 1990s.
United's starting line-up: Brown; Roberts, Coulson, Saah, Partridge; Russell, Miller, Carden, Platt; Willmott, Wright.
James Jennings' absence meant a left-back berth for Dave Partridge, although perversely JJ's natural stand-in, Darryl Coakley, had been brought into the squad but stuck on the bench. Messrs Carden and Miller's miraculous recoveries meant a full-strength midfield with Robbie Willmott pushed back up front in place of Adam Marriott, with no place on the bench for Wayne Gray.
The hosts' first XI sported one ex-U in 'Countdown' king Neil Mackenzie, with new signing from Lincoln Stefan Oakes on the bench, brother of former United midfield man Scott.
United gave a first airing to their new Cambridge blue and black striped away kit, and very smart it looked too, although the shorts and socks were not quite the bright shade of blue as the shirts. Tamworth wore their usual all red, as one might expect.
A rather underwhelming crowd of 863, still 140 more than the first attendance of the season versus Eastbourne, witnessed a contest which was high on effort but rather lower in quality, with Tamworth enjoying the better of the early exchanges against the slow-starting U's.
Mackenzie gained his side the first corner on 5 with a shot that was blocked by Adam Miller, and danger threatened when Tom Marshall flicked it on at the near post with Simon Brown nowhere, but Kyle Perry at the back stick could only nod onto the roof of the net with the goal at his mercy. The big striker had scored against United for Mansfield at Field Mill last season, and he might well have thought he should have repeated the trick there.
Kevin Roberts earned himself a stern lecture from ref Handley on 7 for a crude foul on Danny Thomas, and that warning seemed to apply to the whole team as when Paul Carden scythed down Scott Barrow two minutes later, his name was deservedly first into the book.
Tamworth played the better football early on but, like last season, did not appear to have anyone up front with sufficient goal power to break the deadlock. United were rather less than convincing, with no real coherence or pattern, making for a spectacle which about as entertaining as Kraftwerk Unplugged.
Without a full-back adept at supporting the attack, and Miller and Carden firing on about one cylinder, the U's could make little impression on a stout Tamworth back line, Willmott losing possession time and again and not building any sort of partnership with Wright, while Conal Platt and even Simon Russell were bit-part players at best.
With precious little final-third quality from either side, it took United 26 minutes to gain their first corner, Partridge eventually heading wide. Tamworth's balls into the box did at least have the potential for trouble, but on the break from one kerfuffle on the half-hour, United created an excellent chance from their one quality move so far. Willmott sprinted down the middle, slipped it through for Wright, who did well to hold off marker Michael Wylde, but under pressure some twelve yards out, his low shot for the corner was diverted wide by the outstretched leg of keeper Ross Atkins.
Two minutes later Wright was harshly booked for an aerial challenge on Wylde, and five minutes later came the hosts' best opportunity so far when Alex Rodman got to the byline to cross for Daniel Bradley to power a header goalward from six yards which Brown did tremendously well to tip over for a corner. Like Wright, the Lambs striker should have scored, but credit to the U's keeper for his reactions. Marshall headed the flag-kick wide.
United responded with a corner on 42 from which Partridge won a header with a towering leap, but Atkins threw himself amongst the bodies to block, the hosts came back with one more corner of their own, and Wright had the last word of the half with a shot into Atkins' gloves.
It had all been a bit of a slog so far, a mid-table looking scuffle with one decent chance for either side. We all hoped for better in part two as we admired the intricate patterns of the cobwebs in the eaves of the away end, silhouetted in the wan light of the quaint three-bulb floodlights. It was still August, but those brave souls sporting short sleeves and shorts would be feeling a distinct chill ere long.
The Tamworth team emerged several minutes earlier than United or the officials, eager to get on. Atkins fell on a dangerous early cross from the otherwise subdued Platt, then Thomas blasted over for the hosts, and on 50 Partridge floated a thoughtful ball into the box towards the unmarked Miller, but he could not get his body shape right and he twisted to head past the upright.
Partridge became bookee number three a couple of minutes later for an agricultural challenge on Rodman, but on 54 came the long-awaited breakthrough. Carden dribbled across the front of the Lambs' back line and picked out a superb angled ball for Russell to sprint onto down the left channel. The tireless wingman seemed to have miscontrolled, but he scurried to the byline and excavated a tremendous left-footed cross into the six-yard box where Wright rose to hammer his header past the helpless Atkins. Boof: 1-0.
The hosts responded with a Wylde header from a Jay Smith corner which looped into Brown's arms, then Rodman tried his luck from long range but missed the target. On the hour came the first change, Daryl Clare replacing Platt with Willmott going wide.
United needed a second goal to clinch the points, and Russell did his best on 65 with a positive run and shot which flew narrowly wide of the far post. Then Miller and Willmott managed to foul each other in a three-way tussle for the ball in the centre circle and they both needed treatment before they were able to continue. Mercifully Tamworth's free-kick from deep while they waited on the touchline for readmittance came to nothing.
Now it was up to the U's to show they had the ruthlessness and professionalism to shut out the hosts and grind out a first win of the season. Wright and Wylde earned themselves another lecture from the ref, who seemed to disapprove of any sort of physical contact, and Clare was harshly carded on 75 after a tussle with Richard Tait. Jake Sheridan then replaced Mackenzie for Tamworth, and Tait found his way into the book for continuing his battle with Clare.
Just when it seemed that United had the three points locked down, the so-far excellent centre-back pairing of Saah and Coulson was caught napping on 82 by the simplest of bisecting through balls from Perry. Bradley cruised through the gap, no-one could catch him and he slotted calmly past Brown for the simplest of equalisers: 1-1.
Could anyone produce a winner? Diminutive home skipper Smith was carded for a foul on Wright on 84, good work by Russell set up Kevin Roberts for a wild slash wide from 25 yards a couple of minutes later, then both sides made belated changes with Marriott replacing Wright and Oakes on for Smith, both too late to make any difference to the outcome.
There was time for one more booking, Wylde for fouling Carden, but the match drifted to an unsatisfactory conclusion and another three points that were there for the taking had slipped through United's fingers.
It is not a pleasant feeling to look at the league table and see your team in the bottom four without a win, even if it is very early and only two clubs have so far managed to amass as many as seven points from their first four games. The foundations are there for United, but the house is still not quite finished.
What the team needs now is a settled front pairing (Wright and Clare, who must start soon), reliable and consistent wide men (Platt and Willmott, take note), a central midfield that can find something near its top form (so far missing), and full-backs of the defensive and attacking quality of last season's men, Gleeson and Tonkin (nope, weren't there on Tuesday night). At least the goalkeeper's confidence looks to be returning.
Then and only then will we have the Category 'A' Team that we crave. Until then, I ain't gettin' on no plane to Mansfield, fool!
Statto Corner
Tamworth are still searching for their first win over the U's. The clubs first met on 7th October 2005, and goals from Fola Onibuje and Andy Duncan gave United a 2-1 win at the Abbey; the return match that season was a 1-1 draw. The next season saw 1-0 victories for United, home and away, then following the Lambs' relegation they did not meet again until last term, when a goalless draw at the Lamb Ground was followed by a 2-0 home win for the U's last March, with a brace from Danny Crow.
The largest crowd to attend a meeting between the clubs was on 28th April 2007, the last game of that season with survival at stake for both clubs. On a tense and emotional day, 6,021 saw United prevail 1-0 with a penalty from Robbie Simpson. The lowest was today, the first time it has dipped below 1,000; the previous low was 1,233 in September 2006.
Neil Mackenzie first joined United on loan from Stoke City in March 1999, making his debut in a 1-1 draw at Shrewsbury and scoring his only goal in black'n'amber in his next game, a 3-1 win in Brighton. The U's paid £40,000 for his services the following October, but his time at the Abbey was punctuated with a few immature off-field shenanigans and after 24 League starts and 10 as sub, he departed in November 2000 for Kidderminster. In a nomadic career since then he has appeared for Blackpool, Macclesfield, Mansfield, Scunthorpe, Hereford, Notts County, Kidderminster, Port Vale and Mansfield again before joining Tamworth at the start of last season.
He has faced United three times for Tamworth, once for Macclesfield and three times for Mansfield, scoring just the once in a 2-2 draw at the Abbey in September 2004.
Stefan Oakes' brother Scott made his U's debut on 31st October 2000 in a 3-1 defeat at Swindon, having previously sported the colours of Leicester, Luton and Sheffield Wednesday. After seven League starts plus 11 from the bench, he played his last match for United the following March, a 1-0 home win over Oxford, before departing for Leyton Orient, St Albans and Shelbourne, where he retired due to injury.
The Oakes brothers' father, Trevor, was guitarist in hit-making rock'n'roll revivalists Showaddywaddy, who figure in U's history due to Dion Dublin having once stated as a joke in an interview that their drummer was his father. Sticksman Romeo Challenger was in fact the father of international high jumper Ben, although by all accounts he knew Dion's father, both coming from Leicester.
Simon Russell started ten games plus one as sub for Tamworth last season on loan from York, before a similar stint at the Abbey. Other players to have worn the jerseys of both clubs are Trevor Benjamin, Armand One, Trevor Robinson and Tony Scully.
Player Ratings
Brown 7. Competent enough, with one outstanding save.
Roberts 6. Did his job defensively, still unconvincing going forward.
Coulson 7. Resolutely no-nonsense.
Saah 7. Tower of strength.
Partridge 6. Low-key but stuck to his task.
Russell 7. Industrious and positive as ever.
Carden 7. Sterling work, particularly in helping the back four.
Miller 6. Some good work, although we have still to see anything near his best.
Platt 6. Relatively quiet night.
Willmott 6. Energetic, but easily dispossessed far too often.
Wright 7. Fine line leader.
Clare 6. Plenty of promising touches, much more to come no doubt.
Marriott 5. Barely had a chance to touch the ball.
Match Summary
United's wait for a first league win goes on as they failed to close out a hard-fought game which was within their grasp but was snatched away by one moment of defensive slackness eight minutes from time. This team needs to find a ruthless streak if it is to challenge for honours this season.
Man of the Match
Danny Wright. First league goal and was an excellent target man throughout. Now just needs a regular partner (Clare) with whom he can build up an understanding.
Ref Watch
Handley 6. Too intolerant of physical contact, and went a bit mad with the cards towards the end. Otherwise just about adequate.
Soundtrack of the Day
Junip "Rope and Summit"
Tamworth Playlist
Best songs played: The Clash "Rock The Casbah," Doves "Black and White Town," Specials "Gangsters," Manic Street Preachers "A Design For Life," Franz Ferdinand "Take Me Out". Classic rock from across the decades.
Worst song played: Nickelback "Rockstar." This farrago of dreadful, clichéd lyrics and faux-Cobain grunting which sounds like the singer is suffering from severe haemorrhoids, is surely the worst song ever made.
Andrew's previous match reports
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