C is for our Courtney with his shorts below the knee
H is for Wayne Hatswell, he's the king of the o.g.
R is for Jai Reason and his new diet regime
I is for Sam Ives who brings a breath of fresh air to the team
S is for Brian Saah, colossus at the back
T is for the Trophy, even though it is cack
M is for our Marvin, on the bench for Santa Claus
A's for 'arry Potter whose goalkeeping never bores
S is for our Scousers who are chomping at the bit

They'll start with an 'Ey' down at the Abbey in our Christmas alphabet

C is for the Fen Tevez, the tireless Danny Crow
H is for Chris Holroyd with his cheeks all red a-glow
R is for our Robbie with his boots white, blue and green
I for the Interesting goings-on up the A14
S is for Stevenage, it's not a pretty place
T is for Ant Tonkin, a left-back full of grace
M is for Martin Ling, working on his retained list
A is for Andrea who will be so sadly missed
S is for the Semi-final place we hope we'll get

Be good and Santa will bring everything in the Christmas alphabet

Right, that's the festive cheer out of the way. Now, like an hour-long soap opera 'special' on Christmas Day, it is time to return to the doom, gloom and grim (un)reality of United's perennial battles with our chums from down the A1(M). And although no-one got their head stoved in with a bust of Queen Victoria, that was pretty much how the amber faithful felt after another bruising encounter with a team whose 'professionalism' increasingly brings to mind Don Revie-era Leeds and a referee who appeared to have been allocated a match about twenty levels above his standard of competence.

Ian Darler's expertise had ensured that 2009's Boxing Day match was never in doubt, and United were on for their first league match since 5th December at Eastbourne, and their first of any sort since the FA Trophy defeat of Luton two weeks ago. Seems like a lot longer, doesn't it? The pitch was an immaculate green sward and the only remnant of the recent Arctic conditions was the piles of snow shovelled away from the edges of the field.

The U's retained the same starting line-up from that Trophy match, while second-placed Stevenage were shorn of a few normal starters but still fielded a strong side which included former wearers of the amber Mark Albrighton and David 'The Invisible Man' Bridges.

Within two minutes the visitors' Darren Murphy had clattered Dan Gleeson (below) with an agricultural lunge which looked almost worthy of a red card, never mind a yellow, but ref Cooper invoked one of the men in black's unwritten rules in deciding it was too early to put anyone's name in the book, and he would not even have had a word with the offender had the amber army not howled its wrath in no uncertain terms.

Three minutes later, however, United were ahead. Danny Crow's intelligent chip over the top sent Chris Holroyd sprinting past the ponderous Albrighton, who blatantly tugged his shirt as he hared into the box. It was clearly a goalscoring opportunity - Holroyd was just about to shoot - but the ref generously decided to show the Stevenage man only yellow. Crow, now apparently the team's number one penalty taker, stepped up to beat Chris Day coolly from the spot. 1-0.

Perhaps experiencing a pang of conscience, Cooper did book Murphy on 7 following a foul on Paul Carden, and we could reflect that a harsher ref might well have had the visitors down to nine men already. But he was soon handing out the free-kicks to Stevenage, whose strikers Chris Beardsley and Yemi Odubade both seemed to be suffering from the same inner ear infection, judging by the numbers of time they tumbled to the ground for no apparent reason.

Michael Bostwick blasted a free-kick over on 9, and Bridges scuffed a shot into Danny Potter's arms a couple of minutes later, then on 12 Sam Ives was felled on the edge of the box to present Courtney Pitt with a free-kick opportunity; it soared over the wall and was headed for the bottom far corner until shovelled around the post by a diving Day.

Back came Borough in a lively end-to-end encounter, and on the quarter hour Murphy crossed from the right and Eddie Odhiambo, cutting in from the opposite flank, was surprised to find it reaching him and headed instinctively over Potter but just the wrong side of the post.

The visitors continued to launch the ball into the United box at regular intervals, but the home defence stood firm until Odubade skipped past Wayne Hatswell's challenge on 26 then fell theatrically to the floor when tackled by Anthony Tonkin. The nearest official, the linesman on the Main Stand side, indicated a generous free-kick, but the ref went one better by awarding a dubious penalty which his 'assistant' had not flagged. That's evened those up, then. Odubade stepped up, Potter as usual dived the wrong way: 1-1.

Two minutes later the direction of the match was irrevocably changed. Hatswell slid in for a tackle on Beardsley, who true to form crumpled as if shot by a sniper, and the ref awarded the harshest of straight red cards to the unfortunate United defender. It looked a very poor decision, resulting in a push-me-pull-you melee of players and a disgusted Potter booted the ball into the Habbin while play was stopped, for which heinous transgression he saw yellow. Do they pay them by the card these days, or did Cooper simply not receive what he had hoped for from Santa? Someone hasn't been good…

Pitt was sacrificed and Rory McAuley slotted into the back four as United adjusted to a positive 4-3-2 formation. Borough's Jon Ashton was next into the book on 33 for bringing down Tonkin, now an auxiliary winger as well as left-back, but Robbie Willmott's ensuing free-kick could not beat the wall. Potter clutched a shot from Bostwick, Crow capped a decent run with a cross into the side netting, then Odubade won another free-kick with a spectacular triple salchow and pike, but although the visitors were slightly on top, United did not look like surrendering by any means.

In fact they should have been ahead before half-time. Good work by Ives set up Crow for a chip that almost cleared Day's grabbing hands on 42, but a minute later great battling from Crow set up Holroyd for a clear run on goal from 35 yards out. United's top scorer looked strangely lacking in confidence, and instead of shooting early, he took one touch too many, got too close to goal and Day blocked his unconvincing shot.

What had been a golden chance instead became a cheap plastic ring from a Christmas cracker, and with that disappointing 'snap' went the hosts' best chance of grabbing a win.

The visitors made two changes for part two, withdrawing Albrighton and Odhiambo and introducing Joel Byrom and extra striker Charlie Griffin as they went to a back three in their search for three points. Beardsley had an early shot stopped by Potter and Willmott embodied United's steely resolution with a fearsome sliding tackle on Bostwick, while on 51 a preposterously complex free-kick routine from Stevenage saw three players take a touch before Murphy eventually had a shot blocked. Back to rehearsals for that one.

Borough's early pressure, however, told two minutes later. Odubade's cross from the left evaded everyone in the middle, but Griffin arrived late just beyond the far post and his downward header squirmed into the net via Potter's foot. 2-1.

United tried valiantly to respond, but their delivery into the box was not the best and Holroyd still looked haunted by his first-half miss. A Henry cross flashed across the six-yard box but somehow missed everyone on 56, and Beardsley nodded a Henry free-kick wide on the hour, then Holroyd's pace saw him rob Scott Laird as he tried to see a Carden long ball out of play and cross for Crow, but he had to attempt a difficult volley first time and his shot ended up more vertical than horizontal.

On 66 Willmott clattered Odubade with a lunging tackle similar to Murphy's in the second minute and Hatswell's red-card effort, so this time the ref went halves and showed the U's winger yellow. Random does not even begin to describe it. Three minutes later Willmott contributed something more useful with a tremendous shot from 35 yards which Day dived to push behind, and on 70 Ives was unfortunate to be withdrawn in favour of Jai Reason.

Carden was next into the book for scything Odubade down, again the sort of challenge for which the ref had come to three different decisions during the match, and on 76 Mark Beesley replaced Willmott, to no obvious effect. The potentially match-changing talents of Adam Marriott would have to wait until another day.

United continued to battle gamely against a workmanlike but fairly ordinary Stevenage side, Bridges trundling another shot to Potter on 80 then Griffin retiring injured to be replaced by a further ex-U in Lee Boylan. On 85 the ref identified a cut to Rory McAuley's head which he insisted needed treatment, and typically, the visitors sealed the contest while he was off having his head bandaged. Henry arrowed over a low cross from the right, Potter and Brian Saah both froze in an agony of indecision, and Beardsley pounced to guide home past the statues from close range. 3-1.

There was time for one more booking, Laird for dissent, and in the four minutes added time United came close to pulling one back when Carden floated a free-kick into the box and the impressive McAuley rose to power a header just wide of the far post. Then it was all over, and another tumultuous Cambs-Herts derby had reached its usual controversial conclusion.

It is not often that a ref really changes the course of a match, but this was one of those occasions. United had battled encouragingly and Stevenage had never looked like anything special, raising hopes for revenge on New Year's Day just like in the playoffs last season. But there is the matter of Mansfield to come first, and by all accounts they were dismal at York today. It may still be Christmas, a time of magic and wonder, but hope still springs eternal. Even if it is too late to appeal to Santa this year. Let us hope that the Grinch in black does not follow us to Field Mill…

Statto Corner

Festive fixtures have always been a feature of United's season. In fact over the years they have played eleven league matches on Christmas Day itself, first against Cambridge Swifts in 1926, then three times in the 1930s versus Histon Institute. Their last seven Christmas Day matches came in the Fifties, once each against Bury Town and Peterborough United Reserves, and five times versus Eynesbury Rovers, including their final game on that day in 1957, a 4-1 away win.

United have played 58 competitive matches on Boxing Day, the first in 1929, a 5-2 defeat at Histon Institute. Thirty-one of those have been at home, including all of the last nine. The U's were due to play at Mansfield in 2004, but the game was called off due to a frozen pitch late on Boxing Day morning, so their last away game on this day was a 1-0 defeat at Oxford in 1999.

Many of those matches have been local derbies, but by no means all; for instance, Plymouth were obliged to travel to the Abbey in 1991, obtaining a 1-1 draw, and United have motored as far as Bath, Barnsley, Halifax and Ramsgate in their time. In 1994 they grabbed a 1-1 draw at Birmingham City, the Bluenoses' Ricky Otto obligingly scoring both goals on a rain-sodden Boxing Day afternoon.

Wayne Hatswell today became the first U's player to be sent off this season. United have not waited this long for a man to be red carded since the 1993-94 season, when Steve Butler became their first dismissee on 15th January 1994 in a 2-0 win at Hartlepool. The last term in which United had no players dismissed at all was 1988-89.

Since 1970, no fixture in United's calendar has yielded as many red cards as the one against Stevenage Borough; after today the count stands at five sendings-off for each side in thirteen matches. One man has been dismissed in each of the clubs' last five meetings, including last season's playoff semi-finals. The last time both sides finished with eleven men was in United's 2-1 win at the Abbey on 9th February 2008.

The next most controversial fixtures in the list are against Colchester (four each) and Exeter (three for the U's, five for the Grecians).

Danny Crow has now scored three penalties out of three for United, the same record as Robbie Simpson, David Crown, Robbie Cooke and Roy McDonough. Next in his sights should be Lee McEvilly and Paul Wilson (four), Michael Cheetham (five), Scott Rendell (six) and Steve Massey (seven), United's top penalty takers who never missed from the spot.

Danny Potter has conceded five penalties this season with no saves. His overall U's record is three saved and fifteen conceded.

Player Ratings

Potter 7. Could not be blamed for the first two goals, but the third was a bit of a mess.
Gleeson 7. Decent, steady game.
Tonkin 7. Good contribution including many forward forays down the left once Pitt had been withdrawn.
Saah 7. Strong, confident effort, with a few exciting forward runs thrown in, although must also shoulder some of the blame for goal number three.
Hatswell 6. The ref's first unfortunate victim.
Willmott 7. Fairly useful effort and adapted pretty well to playing in a midfield three.
Carden 7. By no means at his best, but never stopped working.
Ives 7. Another impressive performance and for my money was United's best midfield man.
Pitt 6. The side's luxury player had to be the sacrifice when Hatswell was dismissed.
Holroyd 6. Reasonable first half, but his glaring miss near the interval seemed to affect his confidence and he never got going in part two.
Crow 8. Confident penalty, set Holroyd up for what should been number two, and ran his socks off for ninety minutes.
McAuley 8. Hugely impressive as Hatswell's deputy, cool and accurate on the ball and tigerishly tough in the tackle.
Reason 6. Willing substitute although unable to make much of an impression.
Beesley 5. Made no impression in his fifteen minutes.

Match Summary

Battling United could not ultimately overcome Stevenage's twelfth man, referee Cooper, whose extraordinary antics will unfortunately live long in the memory. New Year's Day should be interesting.

Man of the Match

Danny Crow. Fight and attitude personified.

Ref Watch

Cooper 0. We have languished long enough in this league to know not to expect a great deal of quality in the standard of officials at this level, but the least we can hope for is consistency. Mr Cooper failed dismally in this regard, randomly punishing fouls of equal seriousness with red card (Hatswell), yellow (Willmott, Carden) or no action at all (Murphy), and only deigning to even speak to certain Stevenage players after they had transgressed once the crowd had voiced its disapproval at his leniency. Furthermore, he appeared to have no knowledge of the requirement to dismiss players for clear denial of a goalscoring opportunity (Albrighton), and was not helped by feeble, buck-passing linesmen. Look upon his works and weep.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

"The first five minutes were very exciting and my dad thought it would be at least 5-0." (Luke Hatherly)

Soundtrack of the Day

Portishead "Chase The Tear"

Andrew Bennett