Saturday 14th November 2009 - U's 0-2 Kettering: Oh gee
I never know what to write in those leaving cards that get passed around at work. You're leaving us in the lurch to go to a job that will pay you twice what we earn? What was his name again? Are you going to give me back all the stationery you've nicked? Not to mention that fiver you borrowed. I thought he'd left months ago! Missing you already, especially your halitosis...
This was Mark Cooper's last match as boss of Kettering, and a delegation from the local television (I'm amazed they could remember the way) and from his new employers (some crisis-torn club from up north) were at the Abbey to secure his signature after the match. In the circumstances, I would have thought a 'With Deepest Sympathy' card would have been more appropriate. Still, he'll be cheap and they will no doubt save on removal expenses, too.
Winter draws on (I'm wearing mine now) and there was more blustery wind in the air than at a Posh press conference. United, on a run of three straight wins, albeit two were against provincial pub sides, maintained the same line-up which progressed to the second round of the FA Cup last week, with Andy Parkinson restored to the bench, and last Saturday's debut scorer Adam Marriott disappointingly kept in storage for CRC's big FA Vase game tomorrow.
Kettering, an impressive third in the table, sported a newly prolific front pairing of Moses Ashikodi and Crewe loanee Anthony Elding, who last faced the U's for his home town team Boston United seven years ago, and a truly gigantic centre-back partnership of Ian Roper and Exodus Geohaghon; perhaps United should have signed up David Haye to cut them down to size.
The wind was by no means as overwhelming powerful as that which helped the U's to score two goals from their own half against Scunthorpe twenty years ago, but it was clearly going to be a factor, and United played with it at their backs in the first half, playing towards the Corona end. Shoot on sight might be a good policy.
The hosts made the worst possible start by conceding within two and a half minutes of the kick-off. Their not-so-secret weapon, Geohaghon, hoisted one of his infamous long throws into the box from the left, Wayne Hatswell mistimed his leap in the wind, and his dreadful header looped backwards and dropped slowly and inevitably over the stranded Danny Potter's head and into the far corner of the net. Soft as a toilet roll made of puppy fur: 1-0.
To their credit, United responded positively as Kettering instinctively went onto the back foot, protecting their gift of a lead. On 6 the first of a series of corners permitted them to try one of their corner routines, four men jostling shoulder-to-shoulder for position in one corner of the box before breaking off in all directions to go for Courtney Pitt's delivery, which was headed behind by Roper. Flag-kick number two was an altogether different animal, Robbie Willmott this time aiming a low diagonal set piece which was presumably aimed at Jai Reason but fell hopelessly short and allowed Kettering to break up the field in numbers, the reliable Paul Carden tidying up just in time. Well it worked in training against those cones...
United kept up the pressure and Willmott's next corner fell to Brian Saah who caught it on the half-volley but fired just the wrong side of the post. Pitt tried a blaster on 8 which again fizzed wide, and two minutes later Reason found Danny Crow to the left of goal and his speculative lob for the far corner dropped onto the roof of the net.
On 12 a foul on Crow by Geohaghon afforded Willmott the opportunity to try a wind-assisted free-kick from 25 yards, and his powerful effort was well tipped over by keeper Lee Harper. The ref, however, thought differently and awarded a goal-kick, to the sound of jaws dropping all around the windswept Abbey.
Still the U's pressed and the Poppies continued to waver in the strong breeze. The visitors did, however, manage a breakaway on the quarter hour after another couple of corners, and Simon Heslop seemed clear to shoot until robbed by a superbly timed tackle from Anthony Tonkin. Back came the hosts, and Hatswell was next to try his luck from distance on 20, his guided missile scudding narrowly wide.
First card of the day came on 23, Crow lunging over-enthusiastically at Greg Taylor, and the amber army feared the worst when ref Hendley rushed in while reaching into his back pocket, but the colour he eventually brandished was yellow. United were then caught by another swift break from the visitors and Potter saved smartly from Heslop's shot, the ball pinballing around the box, but neither Elding nor Ashikodi could find the target and Saah eventually blocked away.
On 26 Pitt fired into Harper's arms, the little wing wizard repeating the trick three minutes later, and on the half hour a harsh judgment on Hatswell set up a free-kick opportunity for Heslop 25 yards out, but his effort was punted feebly into the wall. His colleague James Dance then picked up a silly booking for obstructing Tonkin's attempt at a throw-in deep in his own half.
For all their neat approach play United could not find that extra quality where it counted in the final third of the pitch, with Kettering continuing to resist both their opponents and the elements as stoutly as eleven giant pints of Guinness, although their skipper Roper was forced off for a few minutes with a gash to his head and returned looking decidedly groggy with his bonce swathed in a huge bandage.
Elding was next into the book for a crude lunge at Carden on 41 near halfway, and another series of corners culminated in one from Willmott which was back-headed over by Pitt, of all people. The wee man has already scored once from a header this season, so if we get another one I'd have thought a plague of locusts and fire in the sky would probably be all but inevitable.
United continued to press all the way to the break, Reason's corner on 44 falling to Willmott at the far post to slash over the top, then Hatswell rose to send a header into Harper's gathering gloves. It was a frustrating end to a frustrating half in which the U's had been thoroughly dominant in terms of possession but had been unable to penetrate the visitors' tough-as-teak rearguard, and having been gifted an early lead, they were not exactly going to attack gung-ho when they could just sit back and pick United off on the break. Playing into the wind in the second half, the hosts would have it all to do.
The U's players could soon see the folly of attempting long high balls after the interval as the wind caught any such passes and patted them back towards whence they came. But United made a promising restart, wisely keeping it on the floor, and a flowing passing move found Willmott cutting in from the right; from a very tight angle his fierce cross-shot was batted away at the near post by Harper.
A minute later another Willmott run set up Chris Holroyd for a shot on the turn, but he scooped over under pressure. Pitt was slowed down by a clash of heads with Patrick Noubissie which drew a highly impressive sprint from the touchline from Greg Reid, leaving his Kettering counterpart in a trail of rather muddy dust, to demonstrate that the U's physio is built for both speed and comfort.
It would be invidious to merely blame the conditions, but United began to lose their way, unable to maintain their momentum against the twin barriers of the gale and Kettering's two banks of four. The visitors did not appear to be overly ambitious, dawdling over set pieces with their strikers almost totally anonymous, and the ref did not help with some fairly random free-kick decisions.
On the hour tempers began to fray when United were awarded a free-kick following a Geohaghon long throw and Roper tried to delay its taking, ending in Potter rushing furiously out of his area to remonstrate with him and kick off a mass push-me-pull-you session. Only one booking ensued, for Roper, but one feared for the rest of the contest and suspected that someone might be seeing red if they weren't careful.
Matters were not helped a couple of minutes later when Crow broke down the middle with Geohaghon in hot pursuit and the hulking Poppies defender appeared to bundle the United man to the ground, but the man in black simply waved play on, to amber outrage.
United dug in and on 65 Rory McAuley arrived late to a passing move to fire goalward from the edge of the box; his shot appeared to be going wide but Roper's deflection actually took it nearer to goal, fizzing away for a corner, and further half-chances ensued which Holroyd and Willmott could not convert.
Change was needed and on 71 Martin Ling tried a tactical switch he has used before, albeit to no great effect, going to 4-3-3 with the withdrawal of Willmott and Pitt and the introduction of Jon Challinor, now apparently ahead of Sam Ives in the pecking order, and Lee Phillips. But it is a formation with which this United squad has yet to look comfortable, and the effect on the match was plus ca change...
Danny Thomas replaced Francis Green for the visitors at the same time and Crow saw a shot blocked by the sub before a Saah ball over the top so nearly fell for Holroyd but was just intercepted by John Dempster, his prod just trundling the right side of the post for his side at the expense of a corner.
From the ensuing flag-kick United were almost undone by another swift break as Ashikodi hared down the right channel, squared it to Thomas when he reached the U's box, his shot beat Potter but Hatswell was back to clear off the line. Ives then replaced Reason, but the hosts looked all but spent creatively and their three-pronged attack simply could not wring any change out of the doughty Kettering rearguard.
Damien Spencer replaced Ashikodi on 88, five added minutes were indicated, and on 92 (or 90+2) came United's best chance to snatch a point. Carden picked out a ball down the right channel from deep for Holroyd to sprint onto, he crossed low from the byline, and there was Crow arriving at the near post; with Harper already moving the other way, his toepoke looked like a goal all the way, but it cannoned off the keeper's trailing foot at the expense of a corner as the unfortunate Crow was left to reflect that if he had got any lift on his shot at all, a goal would have been all but inevitable.
United continued to press gamely, but their pressure was their undoing four minutes into added time. They were caught with all of their back four upfield and Ashikodi headed down the right channel, shadowed by a retreating last man back Carden, but the Kettering man had an unmarked Elding alongside him in support, and his perfectly timed pass set him up for a shot at goal with only Potter to beat, which he did with cool aplomb. Alas, the U's were undone: 2-0.
It was to all intents and purposes the last kick of the match, and Kettering had given their boss a send-off with a repeat of their result at the Abbey last season. Their robust hard work had been rewarded, and Ling was left to reflect on a performance that had been not bad but not quite good enough.
More tough fixtures await and with four home defeats already this season, this team is going to have its work cut out to keep up with the pack. Luton away will be a good further test of whether this team has what it takes, or will have to be retooled in its new manager's image when he has the opportunity. Ling's 'Welcome to Your New Job' card is consigned to the dustbin of memory now; now he, and his team, must prove themselves worthy in their own right. CUFC expects.
Statto Corner: Own Goal Special!
Wayne Hatswell's legendary own goal when he was a Forest Green player is a YouTube classic, but today was the first o.g. he has scored in a Cambridge United shirt. The U's had not previously conceded an own goal since 30th December 2006, when Andy Duncan helped his side to a 2-1 home defeat by Burton Albion.
In all United have conceded five own goals since being relegated from the Football League, with the other three being scored by Scott Howie and Mark Peters (two, including one in the FA Trophy at Histon).
Hatswell's own goal may have come inside two and a half minutes, but it is only the third fastest o.g. scored by a U's player since 1970.
Top prize goes to Izzy Iriekpen (left), who headed a James Coppinger cross past Shaun Marshall after just 22 seconds in a 2-1 home win over Exeter on 12th April 2003.
Second fastest was John Taylor, who tried to clear a free-kick but just nodded into his own net after 51 seconds at Shrewsbury on 17th January 1998. The legendary Shaggy atoned for his error within eight minutes by equalising at the right end, and the game finished in a draw.
The fastest own goal ever, of course, was scored for United by Torquay's Pat Kruse on 3rd January 1977, the Gulls defender heading an Ian Seddon long ball into his own net after just six seconds. The U's went on to blow a 2-0 lead to draw 2-2.
United's top own goal scorer of the Football League era is Steve Fallon, who notched a total of five, although he did make more appearances than any other player (405 + 5 sub in the League) except Steve Spriggs. And he did score 30 at the other end. Fallon is also the only U's player to score three own goals in one season (1984-85) and the only one to score two in one match, a 3-2 defeat at York in September 1984.
The only other man to score more than two own goals in his United career is Andy Duncan, with three. And the only other player to score more than one own goal in one season is Mark Crowe, who got both of his in 1987-88.
Of the 39 United own goal scorers since 1970, just seven failed to score at the other end. Three were goalkeepers: Graham Smith, Arjan Van Heusden and Scott Howie. The others were Richard Smith, who made just four appearances on loan from Leicester, the aforementioned Crowe (55 games), Shane Westley (4 games) and Dave Donaldson (145 appearances without a goal at the right end).
Player Ratings
Potter 7. No chance with the goals, otherwise mostly untroubled.
McAuley 7. Cautious start, then gradually blossomed to confirm his promise as a star of the future.
Tonkin 8. There is no better left-back in this league.
Saah 7. Rarely bothered by Kettering's anonymous front two.
Hatswell 7. Kept a tight rein on the opposition until right at the end.
Willmott 6. Some good flashes, but not nearly enough.
Carden 7. United's best player in the first half, faded a little in the second as he seemed to struggle with the concept of playing into a strong wind.
Reason 7. Decent, industrious effort.
Pitt 7. Good contribution until withdrawn.
Crow 7. Missed United's best chance, and for all his hard work, he still needs to spend more time in the areas that really hurt the opposition.
Holroyd 7. Needed better service but still an intermittent threat.
Challinor 6. Neat and tidy without doing anything special.
Phillips 6. Deserved a better supply line.
Ives 6. Usual competent cameo.
Match Summary
Plenty of nice approach play could not compensate for a lack of punch in the final third as United were sucker-punched by an early own goal and a late breakaway. Never mind Simon Cowell, United need to find their own X-Factor before the promotion contenders disappear over the horizon completely.
Man of the Match
Anthony Tonkin. Exemplary defending, attacking play worthy of a specialist winger. Could comfortably play a couple of levels higher.
Ref Watch
Hendley 5. Gradually lost control after he awarded a goal-kick which should obviously have been a corner, awarding random free-kicks while ignoring others, and completely failed to clamp down on Kettering's continual time-wasting.
Out of the Mouths of Babes
"I walked into the changing rooms dejected with United's loss. I'm glad we saw United as they are a nice homely club interested in the paying public." (Andrew O'Neill)
Soundtrack of the Day
Tilly & The Wall 'Falling Without Knowing'
Andrew Bennett
Andrew's previous match reports
More Match Photos
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