Saturday 12th September 2009 - AFC Wimbledon 0-0 U's: All that glitters is probably sweat
"Do you wanna touch? Hey!"
"Do you wanna touch? Hey!"
" Do you wanna touch me there?"
Er, no thanks, Gary. We have heard some unusual sounds at away grounds over the years, but it was positively surreal to hear social pariah Gary Glitter's voice blaring out over the speakers at Kingsmeadow today. He was undeniably entertaining in the early 1970s, a bewigged, portly turkey wrapped in bacofoil with catchy songs and beats a-plenty, but his more recent behaviour in the Far East and at his PC have made him persona non grata in this country. A strange interlude, indeed.
United's first ever competitive visit to Kingston upon Thames was curiously reminiscent of home. Kingsmeadow is in the environs of Cambridge Road, streets nearby are named Willingham Way, Chesterton Terrace and Stapleford Close, and there is a whole raft of sheltered housing blocks on the Cambridge Road Estate named after Cambridgeshire villages: Impington, Comberton, Grantchester, Fulbourn, Madingley, Shelford, Burwell, Caldicote, Harston, Westwick, Duxford...
AFC Wimbledon is one of the great success stories of the 21st century, far more than a 'tribute club' like some sort of footballing Bjorn Again. Having seen their club spirited away to Milton Keynes by Pete Winkelman like the Child Catcher in 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,' with the collusion of the football authorities, AFCW's Fans' Trust has formed a continuation of the original Dons and risen from the depths of the Combined Counties League to the Conference in seven years, acquiring struggling Kingstonian's ground along the way while keeping the K's on as tenants in the absence of any immediately suitable site in Merton.
Now renamed the Cherry Red Records Fans' Stadium, Kingsmeadow is a homely, tidy little venue tucked behind a row of houses, which is reminiscent of Tamworth's Lamb Ground in layout and in its primary colour of K's red. With a seated main stand and three covered terraces around the other three sides, the amber army was housed in a traditional away end whose cover did not extend all the way along, leaving many supporters to frazzle in the sun under an almost entirely clear blue sky.
Cherry Red Records is a classic indie label whose roster over the years has included such seminal acts as The Monochrome Set, Eyeless In Gaza, Felt, the Nightingales, Thomas Leer, Attila the Stockbroker, the Seers, Prolapse, the Dead Kennedys and a personal favourite of mine, Grab Grab The Haddock. The musical theme was continued in some of the names in the programme: Dons number 8 Lewis Taylor, the great elusive psych-soul singer-songwriter, referee Kevin Johnson, Aussie growler who had a hit in the 1970s with 'Rock'n'Roll (I Gave You The Best Years Of My Life),' and of course United's number 27, Grant Lee Phillips of Grant Lee Buffalo fame.
Dons number 17 Ricky Wellard seemed to be some sort of one-man EastEnders tribute.
Martin Ling made a welcome return to the dugout, half a stone lighter, and he retained the same starting line-up for the sixth game in a row. The Dons, or Wombles if you will, fielded a side devoid of big names although Paul Lorraine, Luke Moore and Danny Kedwell had faced the U's before for Woking, Ebbsfleet and Grays respectively. Interestingly, United wore their away kit of Cambridge blue against Wimbledon's darker blue; surely the thin yellow panels down the sides of their shirts had not been deemed to conflict with the mighty amber?
The hapless mascots, our Marvin and Haydon the Womble, must have been positively melting in the heat under their furry costumes (only joking kids, they're REAL as we all know) and the afternoon was going to be as hot and sticky for players and spectators alike as a hot stick.
Robbie Willmott produced the first effort on goal within thirty seconds, blasting just wide of the far post after cutting in from the left, and the hosts' first attempt came three minutes later from Steven Gregory, firing an ambitious shot well over from outside the box.
United, however, could have been ahead on 6 when Chris Holroyd flitted into the area, the ball rebounded to him six yards out and keeper Seb Brown made a point-blank stop; the ball ricocheted off Brown to Holroyd again, with Danny Crow also closing in, and this time his shot was cleared off the line by Brett Johnson. The ensuing corner fell to Dan Gleeson, but his shot was blocked by a forest of bodies.
Kedwell lifted a shot over on 9 and the first yellow card four minutes later was awarded to Johnson for flattening Holroyd. But it was United who were on top in an open and entertaining game, playing the ball through midfield and looking for the runs of Crow and Holroyd, the latter's pace already clearly too much to cope with for the Dons back line.
And on 18 the U's really should have taken the lead. Brown hideously misjudged a long ball from Jai Reason, it bounced over his head and Crow darted in behind him to bear down on an open goal; but he just could not get it under control, and it cannoned resoundingly off his chest and ran wide of the goal as the United number 10 chased it vainly out of play. What a chance.
United had needed to score while they were in the ascendant, and inevitably the advantage began to switch to the hosts. Kedwell had a shot blocked by the impressive Wayne Hatswell on 21, and seven minutes later Sam Hatton's free-kick bypassed Danny Potter and Kedwell nodded wide with the keeper stranded. And on 30 Moore arrowed a dangerous cross to the far post where Anthony Tonkin did well to clear just ahead of Hatton.
Now play switched back and forth, with corners for both sides but no real clear-cut attempts on goal or saves for the keepers to make, with the defences solidly on top. On 37 Crow crossed for Andy Parkinson to see his shot blocked by Jay Conroy at the far post, and two minutes later Crow gave chase to a ball over the top but Brown anticipated and rushed from goal to beat him to it by, ooh, 6.7 centimetres, I'd say.
Brian Saah, appearing to be carrying an injury, conceded a free-kick on 43 which Hatton blasted wide, and the half ended with honours even and more sweat produced than Beth Ditto on a bucking bronco.
Crow went for glory with a shot directly from kick-off at the start of the second half, and Brown was forced to hurry backwards to paw it away for a corner. The defences continued to dominate the set pieces, however, with the Dons particularly effective in the air, and while Holroyd and Crow continued to make their runs, back-up from the wingers became sporadic with Willmott still looking unconvincing on the left and Parkinson increasingly drifting infield to leave his side without a wide option on the right.
Danger threatened on 54 when Wellard's clever diagonal cross low across the box almost found Gregory, Gleeson doing well to get his foot in first at the far post, and three minutes later Holroyd at last drew a save from a diving Brown with a decent shot.
Holroyd then had an effort blocked by Johnson and Willmott found Brown's gloves with a hopeful toepoke, and just after the hour the Dons made the first change when Taylor replaced Wellard. A couple of minutes later Parkinson pulled the ball back for Gleeson arriving in the D, but his shot sailed over the bar mainly due to his leaning back when he took it. Posture, Daniel, posture.
Holroyd found the net on 67 but only because the ref had not seen an offside flag earlier in the move and it was rightly disallowed. Up the other end Chris Hussey curled a free-kick into the box to which Potter was comfortably beaten by Lorraine, but when his header dropped to Johnson, he nodded over from close range.
Another Hussey free-kick on 70 was headed over by Gregory, then United created a chance in the Dons box but Reason was twice foiled by Brown. Tonkin was next into the book for a challenge on Taylor, and on 74 Kedwell was withdrawn in favour of Ross Montague after failing to get the better of Hatswell and Saah, who now appeared to be back to full fitness.
Reason fired over on 76, but United seemed moribund creatively, having wasted their best chances and now unable to find a way through, and the introduction of Lee Phillips and Sam Ives for Crow and Parkinson on 81 was well overdue. The hosts replaced a midfielder, Derek Duncan, with a striker, Jon Main on 83 to leave no doubt as to their positivity, and from Hussey's corner a minute later Hatton confirmed his side's aerial dominance by heading a good opportunity wide.
Some of United's passing was looking tired and sloppy and it almost cost them dear on 86 when they allowed Moore to break free of goal down the left channel; Potter sprinted from goal to intercept and thankfully Moore's touch let him down, prodding it too far ahead of himself in his haste and Potter gathered gratefully.
Mark Beesley replaced Reason on 89 in one last (too) late throw of the dice and Moore became last bookee for a foul on Gleeson, but the last word went to the hosts when Hatton was presented with a good free-kick chance 25 yards out but hammered it hopelessly into the car park.
It was all too predictable that a game which featured the two top-scoring strikers in the league, Holroyd and Kedwell, should finish goalless. At the start of the day I think United would have been happy to take a point, but such was their overall territorial supremacy, with a couple of excellent chances spurned, that only one point seemed a little anti-climactic. Granted, Wimbledon might even have snatched it with that late breakaway, but they would not have deserved it.
On the plus side, that is five clean sheets in the last six games and United remain unbeaten away from home. But the team is still missing Ingredient X. At the moment it has established a decent base camp at the foot of Mount Blue Square, but although the climbing team looks thoroughly competent, I'm not sure they have all the equipment they need to make it to the top; there are some nasty crevasses and ravines coming up (Wrexham, York, Luton) and they will need to be on their mettle to traverse them all safely. Still, team leader Ling now has a full week in which to brief them further. Don't forget the crampons next Saturday.
Statto Corner
United's only previous visit to Kingsmeadow was on 19th July 1997, when a full-strength side (if you include Jason Rees) beat Kingstonian 3-1 in a pre-season friendly, with goals from Trevor Benjamin, John Taylor and Paul Wanless, David Leworthy scoring the hosts' consolation. The only other occasion on which the U's have met the K's was in a friendly at the Abbey on 5th August 2000, the result this time a 2-2 draw.
United regularly met today's opposition's spiritual forbears, Wimbledon, in the 1960s, both sides winning four of their ten meetings in the Southern League before the U's were elected to the Football League in 1970. They also met four times in the Eastern Professional Floodlit Cup, and the Dons knocked United out of the Southern League Cup in February 1970.
Wimbledon went on to win the SL Cup that year, and as a result they played their now loftier rivals the next season in the Southern League's equivalent of the European Super Cup, the 'Championship Match' between the league champions and its cup winners. On 16th September 1970 Division Four new boys United tonked the Dons 4-2 at the Abbey with goals from Roly Horrey (2), Bill Cassidy and Ronnie Howell.
The clubs only met on four more occasions after that. By the 1986-87 season their respective fortunes had changed massively; United were back in Division Four after six seasons in Division Two, while Wimbledon were enjoying their first ever season in the top division after three promotions in four years, having been elected to the Football League in 1977. But status meant nothing when they met in the second round of the League Cup.
In a two-legged tie, Andy Beattie equalised Colin Gordon's goal two minutes from the end to snatch a 1-1 draw at the Abbey.
In the return, the Dons twice took the lead through Alan Cork, only for each goal to be pulled back within six minutes by Mark Cooper and Jon Rigby, the latter after 'Wolfie' Smith's penalty had been saved.
With the scores level on aggregate, extra time was played at Plough Lane but the U's held on to win the tie on away goals: the erstwhile giant-killers had been giant-killed, despite a team which included Dave Beasant, Nigel Winterburn, Dennis Wise and Lawrie Sanchez.
United went on to repeat the trick against Ipswich in the next round, 1-0 at the Abbey, before finally succumbing 3-1 at home to Tottenham Hotspur in front of a crowd of 10,033. Spurs paid United the respectful compliment of fielding a full-strength side (unlike Premier clubs these days) which boasted Glenn Hoddle, Chris Waddle, Ossie Ardiles, Ray Clemence, Gary Mabbutt, Richard Gough and Clive and Paul Allen amongst others.
Wimbledon and United's only meetings since those glory days have been in Steve Fallon's testimonial in 1987, two David Crown goals sealing a 2-1 win in front on a meagre crowd of 743, and an away 'behind closed doors' pre-season friendly in 1991, which the Dons won 1-0.
United have now kept three consecutive clean sheets. They last achieved this only last season, when they in fact went one better by beating Grays 1-0, drawing 0-0 at York, then grinding out two more 1-0 wins over Lewes and Weymouth.
The U's have also drawn their last two matches 0-0. You would have to go back to January 2005 for the previous time this occurred, with an away draw at Mansfield followed by a home stalemate against Chester.
Player Ratings
Potter 7. Occasionally unconvincing against some searching Dons crosses, but five clean sheets in six tell their own story.
Gleeson 7. Competent (apart from his shooting), although tended to stand off his man too often and find himself beaten by the winger running at him.
Tonkin 8. Defensively excellent, useful overlapping forward, just needs to tidy up his distribution sometimes.
Saah 9. Immaculate again.
Hatswell 9. Matched his central defensive partner in every way.
Parkinson 6. His work rate is not matched by his contribution to the game.
Carden 7. Not at his very best, but undeniably solid.
Reason 7. Slowly getting back to last season's form; not there yet, though.
Willmott 6. Corners are improving, but his shooting is wild and still looks out of sorts on the left.
Crow 7. Asked plenty of questions of the Dons defence, but failed to provide the answer when he had the chance to score the match winner.
Holroyd 8. Wimbledon had absolutely no answer to his pace and movement and he also should have scored in the first half.
Phillips 6. Not on for long enough to make any impact.
Ives 6. Slotted in satisfactorily for a late cameo.
Beesley 6. On for less than five minutes.
Match Summary
United dominated for long spells but fluffed their lines in front of goal, while an increasingly impregnable-looking defence ensured they secured their second consecutive goalless draw against dangerous opponents who almost sneaked an unmerited win on the break towards the end. With Oxford and Luton grinding out 1-0 wins, greater ruthlessness up front will be required if they are to challenge the pace-setters this season.
Man of the Match
Wayne Hatswell. The most talented centre-back in the Conference is back to his best - although he now has a rival in Brian Saah.
Ref Watch
Johnson 7. Awarded a few soft free-kicks, but was sparing with the cards, let play flow and for most of the time was fairly unnoticeable.
Out of the Mouths of Babes
"It was a good match because there was not very much fouling and things like that." (Benjamin Ratcliffe)
Soundtrack of the Day
Beth Jeans Houghton "I Will Return, I Promise"
Parky's Pick of the Pops
Andy Parkinson lends an ear to the Kingsmeadow sounds. "All right, lads and lasses? Me Great Auntie Doreen always used to tell me 'Variety is the spice of life, young Andrew!' - well, she was married seven times - and that seems to be Wimbledon's motto, too, judging by the music they played today.
"We had some vintage punk from Sham 69 - 'If The Kids Are United,' yeah! - classic rock from Thin Lizzy, funk-rock from the Red Hot Chilii Peppers, neat modern pop from MGMT, Sixties sounds from the Animals, and some very unusual ones. 'Midnight At The Oasis' by Maria Muldaur is dead sexy, if you'll pardon the lingo, and early Eighties Britfunk isn't my usual cup of tea but 'Somebody Help Me Out' by Beggar & Co makes you just want to start boppin', know what I mean?
"I was a bit surprised, like, to hear Gary Glitter's catchy song but he's a birrofa scumbag, ain't he? - and the less said about some 'rap' song about AFC Wimbledon the better, know what I mean? You certainly got a right old mixture though, so the PPP verdict is 8/10. Never walk alone!"
Andrew Bennett
Andrew's previous match reports
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