Saturday 5th September 2009 - U's 7-0 Forest Green: Arrows hit the target
Every now and again, a day comes along in the life of the long-suffering football supporter that makes him, her or Lady Gaga realise why they suffer the misery and disappointment of following that bunch of underachievers around the country. But it is rare indeed for that day to be commemorated by a fly-by from the Red Arrows.
Saturday 5th September 2009 was just such a special day. The Arrows first appeared midway through the first half, zooming deafeningly over the Abbey in tight formation before careering off then re-emerging, one by one, to land at the nearby airport. And they reappeared a few minutes after the final whistle, marking a tremendous, crushing victory for the U's with one more fly-past before rocketing off to wherever it was they were rocketing off to. It seemed entirely appropriate. It was that sort of day.
It had promised to be a tight game before kick-off. Opponents Forest Green had only picked up one point so far this season, but that had been in an unexpected goalless draw at leaders Oxford on Monday, and they could point to the U's dismal record of only one win against them in eight previous meetings.
At least United had broken their duck at home the previous weekend, and their starting eleven remain unchanged for the fourth match in a row, although Lee Phillips made a welcome return to the bench following his pre-season knee injury. Martin Ling, though, was absent with stomach trouble and Jez George was Paul Carden's man in the dugout.
Visitors Rovers have experienced as much turmoil as any club so far this season, and in a non-League scene that includes Weymouth, Lewes, Grays, Chester, Salisbury, Farsley and, yes, our good selves, that is saying something indeed. Manager Jim Harvey's bizarrely protracted sacking, seemingly for daring to talk to our good selves about a managerial vacancy, has precipitated a slump and left the club from Nailsworth with a threadbare squad containing little experience and struggling for sufficient quality to compete in an increasingly difficult and professional division.
Caretaker player/manager David Brown picked himself in a team whose longest-serving player was 22-year-old Paul Stonehouse, having lost U's loansee Jon Challinor upon his month's expiry, against a host side which included two former FGR players in Wayne Hatswell and Anthony Tonkin with a third, Mark Beesley, on the bench. Their 39 travelling fans could only have been anticipating the worst.
The visitors started brightly and confidently following Monday's point, keeping possession well and passing comfortably and accurately amongst themselves, to the amber army's frustration. They were shaken out of their comfort zone, however, on 3 when centre-back Mark Ellis was caught in possession by Danny Crow just outside the centre circle and Crow raced clear on goal down the left channel. His shot, when it came, was disappointing, skewing lamely wide of the near post from the edge of the box when a shot across keeper Terry Burton, with strike partner Chris Holroyd closing in, was surely the most sensible option.
United began to settle, forced to attack the NRE from the start for a change, and their probing gradually came to resemble the style of which the manager has been speaking, the front two and the wide men always looking to latch on to little balls over the top which were carefully placed rather than hoofed in hope, Holroyd and Crow playing off the shoulders of a rather ponderous-looking Rovers back line.
The visitors resisted stoutly, retaining possession whenever they could but failing to trouble Danny Potter. Skipper Lee Ayres went down after a collision and initially appeared to clutch his head, then his knee, and after some prolonged TLC from his physio he hobbled slowly to the touchline by the Habbin where he proceeded to remove first his shorts then some black undershorts, revealing another pair of black pants underneath.
There, thankfully, it stopped, although by now we were expecting him to whip off the undies to reveal a tassled posing pouch with an amusing slogan beneath them, and instead he donned another pair of shorts. They must have been his magic shorts, because he suddenly stopped limping and, recalled to the fray, cantered back onto the pitch, apparently revived.
On 18 Paul Carden was penalised for a challenge on Curtis McDonald and Paul Lloyd stepped up to fire a free-kick over the top from 25 yards. United responded with a Willmott break and cross which was headed over his own bar by Ellis under pressure from Holroyd but somehow both ref and lineman awarded a goal-kick.
It turned out that Ayres' magic shorts had not worked after all, and he was soon forced to withdraw to be replaced by Ben Pugh. The teams continued to joust for ascendancy, Rovers flooding the midfield but failing to make any inroads into the final third, while United continued to look for the killer ball behind the visitors' defence, only to be foiled by the offside flag.
On the half hour Andy Parkinson was left in a heap after a collision in the centre circle but play continued and Rovers won a corner, before which the ref jogged back to the recovering winger to have what looked like a distinctly unsympathetic word. Lloyd's ensuing flag-kick was fired wide by Stonehouse.
United countered with a corner of their own on 32, Willmott finding the head of Crow whose intelligent looping header dropped just wide of the far upright. Four minutes later the U's should have taken the lead. Carden's ball from deep found Holroyd midway into the FGR half, Parkinson scampered past him unmarked down the left channel, Holroyd's through ball was perfect and Parky was in on goal. His deliberate shot from the edge of the box was aimed for the bottom far corner and, despite a touch from Burton, that was where it was headed until McDonald got back to cover and it ricocheted off his foot to safety.
Stonehouse lashed wide again on 40, then Brian Saah made a telling clearance with those telescopic legs of his when Sean Rigg appeared about to burst clear down the middle. But it was United who broke the deadlock, just before the break like last Saturday.
Rovers found themselves unable to clear their lines after a Willmott free-kick into the area, Hatswell challenged and robbed Steve Adams to the left of the penalty area, and he forged into the box, biding his time until he could pick out Crow with a pull-back which the United striker gratefully rammed home from ten yards for his first goal of the season. Super move: 1-0.
There was still time for a fruitless penalty appeal from Holroyd, then it was half-time and United could reflect on an ultimately successful opening 45 after forty minutes of frustration. Now they needed to go on to clinch the match as they had against Gateshead.
Stonehouse got an early shot in for Rovers not long after the restart, but within five minutes United had all but wrapped up the three points. Holroyd had been waiting for the chance to use his pace to expose the Rovers defence, and when he caught Pugh in possession on 47 he was away and clear in the blink of an eye, slotting calmly home past the exposed Burton. 2-0.
Within a couple of minutes Holroyd had sprinted away again after a Carden chip and Burton hared off his line and claimed the ball with right foot up and studs showing, knocking the United man to the ground. Ref Bull had no hesitation: penalty, and when Burton threw the ball towards him in disgust, he was shown a straight red card. It had all gone pomegranate-shaped for the visitors.
The penalty award was unexpected for the simple reason that goalkeepers, the most protected players on the pitch, come out and collect such balls with boots flying all the time and they usually get away with it. If this represents a change in policy from the men in black, all well and good; but let us see it applied consistently.
Rovers had a keeper on the bench, teenage international Tom Pass, and he was introduced at the expense of Lloyd to face the spot-kick.
The game's preposterous rule that players who receive treatment are unable to immediately return to play meant that Holroyd, fouled for the penalty as decreed by the ref, could not take the wretched thing himself despite being United's regular taker, and he could only stand and watch as Crow stepped up in his place. Crow duly stroked it home into the corner to double his score, and the two embraced sportingly when Holroyd was allowed back onto the field. 3-0.
Forest Green were now clearly there for the taking, utterly unable to cope with Holroyd's pace and Crow's workrate and intelligent flicks, with Parkinson and Willmott eager to join in the fun and well supported down the flanks by Dan Gleeson and Anthony Tonkin. Now Ling's training was really showing its effect, his philosophy of quick, telling, accurate passing tearing the visitors' rearguard to shreds with runners from deep piling forward from all directions.
Holroyd was poised to break free from halfway on 53 until cynically hauled back by Ellis, and he was lucky there were other defenders further over otherwise his yellow card could easily have been red. And United's top scorer had to wait another twelve minutes before he could add to his tally, when Willmott robbed Jonathan Smith on halfway and sent him sprinting like the Roadrunner down the middle, Rovers' not so Wile E. Coyotes unable to catch him as he closed in on Burton and slotted past him for his ninth goal in eight games. Meep meep: 4-0.
Brown wisely took himself off in favour of Conal Platt, another striker, although any pursuit of a point was by now hopeless. Within a minute Crow could have completed his hat-trick, set up by a buccaneering run from Tonkin, but he hesitated when he had a clear shot at goal twelve yards out and was crowded out, the moment gone.
Jai Reason was replaced by Sam Ives on 67, and seconds after entering the fray, he scored his first goal for the big boys with his second touch. Another Tonkin run set up Crow, his decent shot was parried by Pass, and there was the young substitute to guide it home from just inside the box, off the inside of the post. 5-0.
Any score now seemed possible, young Pass a bag of nerves as evidenced by the odd misthrow and miskicked clearance, and when Rigg was incorrectly flagged offside on 71, his frustrated blast goalward (or, rather, far touchline-ward) earned him a booking for dissent.
United continued to roar forward, everyone wanting to get involved, and the next goal on 75 was created by Saah, of all people, gaining possession, looking up in his usual unhurried way and picking out the run of Ives down the middle with laser accuracy; Pass came out to intercept and got a hand to Ives' shot, but it merely looped up into the air and into the unguarded goal. 6-0.
There was no sentimentality next when both strikers, on hat-tricks like Ives, were withdrawn with an eye to the clash with Altrincham on Tuesday, to be replaced by Beesley and Phillips, for his first league game of the season.
Such had been Holroyd and Crow's impact that it was quite conceivable that United could have reached double figures had they lasted the full ninety.
Tonkin, still to score in amber'n'black, had a blaster well held by Pass on 81, but the change in personnel had the effect of calming things down somewhat and with a rusty Phillips needing some time to get to grips with Rovers' offside trap, the game settled down, the visitors spiritedly trying to keep possession with Stonehouse a particularly gutsy tryer.
But the U's were not to be denied their second seven-goal haul in two and a half years, and a minute from time another telling Tonkin run and cross fell to Beesley who did not hesitate for a change but fired low into the net from ten yards. 7-0.
Stonehouse and Parkinson had one last shot for each side, then the visitors' punishment was over and United were applauded warmly from the pitch after as exciting a second half as one could ever wish to see. And the manager had not even been there to witness it.
There is no point in getting carried away about one result, against weak and depleted opposition, but this was a great morale-booster for the club, for the supporters and for the players. Now they must ensure that such afternoons become a regular feature of the season, starting with last term's party poopers on Tuesday. Oh, and Lady Gaga supports Wessex Division One side, Shaftesbury. But she has a soft spot for Mousehole.
Statto Corner
Today saw United equal their biggest Conference win of 7-0, previously achieved against Weymouth on 31st March 2007. Scorers that day were Dan Gleeson, Dan Chillingworth (3), Robbie Simpson (2) and Stephen Smith.
In United's 35 years in the Football League they scored seven goals in a game just twice, both 7-2 victories, at Cardiff in March 1994 and at home to Mansfield in March 1999. Their greatest margin of victory in that time was six, recording 6-0 wins over Darlington (September 1971) and Hartlepool (February 1989).
The last time the U's scored more than seven goals was in a Southern League game at the Abbey in February 1970, when they thumped Crawley Town 8-0. Earlier that season came the last occasion on which they achieved double figures in a 10-0 rout of Potton United in the FA Cup.
United's all-time margin of victory is thirteen goals, which they managed twice before the Second World War. Godmanchester Town were beaten 14-1 in the Chatteris Engineers Cup in February 1928, of which George Chapman notched five, and Gamlingay were turned over 13-0 in the Cambs League in September 1935, Monty Bull also top scoring with five. No United player has ever scored a double hat-trick in a competitive match.
On the other side of the coin, the U's have only conceded seven goals once in the last fifty years, when Sunderland triumphed 7-0 at the Abbey in the League Cup in October 2002. Their all-time record margin of defeat is eight, achieved by Cambridge Town (9-1, FA Amateur Cup, October 1933) and Wisbech Town (8-0, FA Cup, September 1948). Highest number of goals conceded came in an 11-4 battering by Wisbech in the FA Amateur Cup in October 1932.
Terry Burton is only the third opposing goalkeeper to be sent off at the Abbey Stadium, following Simon Farnworth of Tranmere Rovers in 1987 and Jose Veiga of Tamworth on the last day of the 2006-07 season. The red card count for U's keepers at the Abbey is also three, although two of those belong to Paul Crichton, both in December 2006, the other being Lionel Perez in a 2-0 defeat of Wycombe in January 2002. Le Dieu was also dismissed twice in away games to make him United's most red-carded keeper of all time. But we still loved him.
Forest Green's subs today were Pass, Pugh and Platt. The last opposing team to bring on three substitutes whose surnames all began with the same letter was Northwich Victoria in their 2-0 FA Cup win in October 2006: Byrne, Battersby and Barwick.
Player Ratings
Potter 7. Little to do, never troubled.
Gleeson 8. Offered good and consistent support to the attack down the right flank.
Tonkin 8. Excellent overlapping to the byline in tandem with Willmott.
Saah 8. Unflustered at the back and a superb pinpoint through ball to set up Ives for goal number six.
Hatswell 8. Similarly, calm in defence and great work to make Crow's opener.
Parkinson 8. Consistently busy and unlucky not to score.
Carden 8. The anchor around which the win was built.
Reason 7. Below-par first half, improved second.
Willmott 7. Surprisingly quiet considering the margin of victory, but played his part.
Crow 9. Blossoming at last.
Holroyd 9. His pace simply tore Rovers apart, and there was nothing they could do about it.
Ives 8. Stunning impact and cannot be far from his first start.
Phillips 6. Useful runout after injury, although seemed to be caught offside more times than he touched the ball.
Beesley 7. Welcome first goal of the season which will hopefully encourage him to shoot early more often.
Match Summary
Magnificent United ground Forest Green down then tore them to pieces with an intelligent, pacy passing game and virtuoso contributions from a lethal front two. The standard has been set.
Man of the Match
Danny Crow. Tireless workrate, tremendous vision and passing, and now the goals have started flowing, too. Keep it up.
Ref Watch
Bull 6. Neither especially good nor spectacularly bad, Mr B was just about adequate.
Out of the Mouths of Babes
"The Cambridge apprentices can't have very much more to learn if they can play like that already." (Kevin Hughes)
Soundtrack of the Day
Mayer Hawthorne 'Shiny And New'
Andrew Bennett
Andrew's previous match reports
More Match Photos
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