Stevenage 2-1 U's: Demolition Derby
Tuesday 7th April 2009 - Stevenage 2-1 U's: Demolition Derby
Do you like jigsaws? Ian Browncey does. Last October he became the first Briton to complete the 'world's hardest puzzle', the 18,200 piece 'Jungle Scene', known as the Everest of jigsaws; it took him three months and cost him £125. But not, somehow, his marriage.
If Mr Browncey wants a new challenge, I suggest he attends a Cambridge United match, ideally a 'big' one like Tuesday night's encounter at Stevenage. All through a packed away end, United fans were passing bags of neatly cut squares of Yellow Pages around, ready to create a blizzard of telephone number-based tickertape when their heroes emerged.
When eventually flung, to impressive effect, it left a hell of a mess for the locals to clear up. Perhaps they would have been better employed calling in Mr Browncey and telling him "You want a challenge? Put all those Yellow Pages back together again!" The ultimate jigsaw, surely. Perhaps Satan and his minions have already made notes for their next visitors down below; it would certainly take a Hellish eternity to reassemble that lot.
Hellish is how I would describe my, and no doubt many of your, first visits to Broadhall Way on 15th December 1997, when a certain Mr Brian Coddington sent off first Martin Butler then Paul Wanless and United slipped to a bad-tempered 2-1 FA Cup defeat. United were League and Stevenage were Non-League then, and we hoped never to see them again, but over the last few years we have seen this rivalry with our near-neighbours slowly but surely become what is almost a proper Local Derby; certainly one that feels more authentic and potentially longer-lasting than any other at this level.
Our friends from the north of the county have sailed out of sight for the time being, although those Icaruses of the Fens will in time slide back down to their natural level, as they always have done before. United's task is to be there when they arrive, and by Jiminy they have made hard work of it over the last week or so; that two-week break after the Barrow game seems to have halted what appeared to be an unstoppable momentum in its tracks.
Stevenage have also enjoyed an impressive run of late, 24 games unbeaten until battered at Kidderminster at the weekend, so all was set fair for another cracking local encounter in front of a packed away end at the newly renamed 'Lamex Stadium.' Whatever 'Lamex' is.
The clubs' rivalry was enhanced during the summer when two Abbey favourites, Mark Albrighton and Lee Boylan, were allowed to join David Bridges down the A1(M), and more recently Daryl McMahon has made the reverse journey. After a spell out of favour, McMahon was one of three changes made by Our Gary to the team which lost to Forest Green on Saturday, slotted in at wide left midfield in what looked like a rather cautious selection.
He replaced Andy Parkinson, while two defensive alterations saw Josh Coulson replace the injured Phil Bolland and Dan Gleeson return from injury to displace Simon Ainge. Such is the competition for places in the squad that Courtney Pitt did not even make the bench.
For the hosts, Boylan started alongside skipper and top scorer Steve Morison, but Albrighton was on the bench, not having started a game since the end of February and unable to displace central defensive duo Jon Ashton and Mark Roberts. The more eagle-eyed amongst you will have spotted his grinning visage in the team line-up pictures on screen during Sky's coverage of Manchester United versus Aston Villa on Sunday, his picture having been used erroneously to illustrate one of Villa's subs, similarly-named youngster Marc Albrighton. Sack that researcher.
The air echoed to the sound of 1,600 Cantabrigian voices as the teams went full-tilt at each other from the off. Within thirty seconds Anthony Tonkin had slid into a gap down the left channel and unleashed a tremendous shot from the edge of box which keeper Chris Day did well to stop. The hosts, however, soon began to create problems for their visitors using a 4-4-2 formation which involved stationing wingers Junior Mendes and Mitchell Cole right on the touchlines and marauding forward in pairs with supporting full-backs Lawrie Wilson and Scott Laird. And it paid dividends within four minutes.
Tonkin and McMahon seemed to have no understanding at all down the United left, but when Wilson slid it forward to Mendes to the right of the area there seemed little danger. Tonkin, however, stood so far off him as to invite a shot from the narrow angle, and the Boro winger's shot caught Danny Potter totally unawares at his near post as it flashed past him and into the net. Shoddy goalkeeping, shoddy defending, shoddy goal. 1-0.
United battled to get over this nightmarish start, although in the cauldronesque atmosphere it was Stevenage who began to lose their cool first, peroxide-bonced defender Mark Roberts carded for a bad foul on Chris Holroyd on 7 - unbelievably, he even seemed to protest his innocence - then his colleague Gary Mills joined him in the book for some foolish mouthing off. I don't where he gets it from, and I'm sure neither does his manager.
The U's, however, were being torn to pieces down both flanks, Gleeson and Tonkin appearing to have forgotten all they knew about positioning and receiving precious little help from McMahon and Robbie Willmott. On 10 Cole skipped easily around Gleeson to set up Morison for a shot which he somehow scuffed wide from close range, then the visitors responded with a decent Holroyd drive which Day parried, the keeper then comfortably clutching a Jai Reason free-kick.
Back came the hosts, and on 13 Mendes bamboozled Tonkin before crossing to Morison, ghosting in unmarked three yards out at the near post, but somehow he glanced his header across goal and well wide of the far post while Potter stood rooted in horror.
United pulled themselves together sufficiently to equalise on 17 with a fine move. The mobility of Willmott and Holroyd always looked like troubling Boro, and the two combined when a crunching Wayne Hatswell challenge sent Willmott away down the right channel; he laid it off to Holroyd, then carried on running into the middle to nod the return cross home. Bedlam in the away end: 1-1.
This was not, however, the U's side of a few weeks ago, before their enforced fortnight's break. Carden and Reason, key men and the engine room of the side during that unbeaten run, seemed to be running on empty, Carden working hard but making as many wayward passes as accurate ones, while Reason was showing his youth, unable to exert any influence on the game, chasing shadows and losing most physical challenges. To compound this, McMahon was utterly anonymous while up front Scott Rendell continued to look half the player he was six weeks ago, second best in the air, unable to hold the ball up or link with Holroyd, who by contrast looked sharp and dangerous; but he could not carry the attack on his own, or with just the occasional assistance of Willmott. As for expecting any overlaps from the full-backs... forget it, they were struggling badly enough already.
What made this all the more frustrating was the fact that they were facing a makeshift Stevenage midfield, missing three regulars in the injured Bridges and Michael Bostwick and the suspended Darren Murphy, with an Aldershot loanee (Mendes) on the right and John Martin newly recalled from loan at Ebbsfleet in the centre alongside Mills. But they seemed sharper and better organised than a United side whose first half performance, for the fourth game in a row, could only be described as sluggish. At least Coulson and Hatswell were playing reasonably well.
But all United's failings were exposed again on 32 as they handed the hosts the lead for the second time. Carden did well to win the ball deep inside his own half but, advancing forward, he spurned the run of Holroyd and instead tried a difficult crossfield ball towards Willmott on the opposite flank. It was woefully underhit and Laird intercepted easily; within seconds he had sprinted forward, played a one-two with Cole, run around Gleeson as if he wasn't there, and reaching the byline, pulled it back to present Boylan with an easy chance to ram home from ten yards. 2-1.
Boylan's taunting of the away fans was unnecessary and ungrateful against the club which rescued him from an unhappy spell playing in midfield for Grays, including a loan to Chelmsford, and he was lucky to avoid a booking.
Willmott drove United forward in response, gaining a corner, McMahon smashed an optimistic shot wide, then on 35 the struggling Gleeson was almost a victim of his own sloppy casualness when he tried to control a bouncing ball in the centre circle instead of clearing his lines and was easily robbed by Cole, who hared goalward. Gleeson gave chase and clumsily hauled him down, but fortunately for him Coulson was covering back so the card he was awarded was only yellow. Lackadaisical stuff, and typical of all too many United players so far on the night.
For the second game in a row Holroyd had a very good penalty claim two minutes later, appearing to be clearly felled by Ashton, but the ref was not interested, although at least this one didn't book him for diving.
There was precious little else to get excited about in a first half that was entirely satisfactory for Stevenage but lamentably slipshod for the visitors. Our Gary would need all his powers of inspiration during the interval.
As if to taunt us, the deafening, distorted PA blared out 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' - thanks for that - then there was a bizarre interlude when World Cup hero Sir Geoff Hurst was introduced, then proceeded to read out a stultifyingly dull and long PR puff for the club's 'Local Community Partnership' with those doyens of all things healthy, McDonald's. Things took a turn for the (even) worse with a stilted interview with mention of 'franchisees' and to be honest yours truly felt like shouting 'Your second goal was never over the line and third one was offside!' Old heroes, eh?
He left the field to the strains of the England World Cup Squad's immortal 'Back Home,' which dated not from the cup-winning 1966 line-up but from 1970, when they blew it in the quarter-finals: "...And we'll throw away a two-goal lead, for them all back home..."
One team which was not underperforming was the U's fans, and they started the second half in fine and exceedingly loud fettle. First chance, however, fell to Boylan, and he should have done better than to fire wide from eight yards out. Willmott and Gleeson began to combine down the right, although they tended to suffer from the team's malaise of wanting to do anything with the ball except cross it.
A ball into the box from Gleeson on 54 found Willmott at the near post, and his snap shot was well blocked by a combination of Laird and Day from close range. Then Gleeson, attacking far better than he had been defending, was brought down by Mills just outside the area and Hatswell lined up the free-kick... but his effort was woefully and disappointingly off target.
United were at least taking the game to Stevenage this half, and their hopes of a comeback were boosted on 57 when the hosts were reduced to ten men. Wilson clattered Hatswell, the ref awarded a free-kick, Roberts barged in to argue, booting the ball away in the process, and he was rewarded for his crass stupidity with a second yellow. Silly boy.
Albrighton was introduced into the back line, Mendes withdrawn to leave Boro playing 4-3-2, and now the pressure was off the United defence and on that of the opposition. Willmott had a shot stopped by Day just after the hour, then Morison was next into the book for a foul on Tonkin as tempers threatened to boil over. On 64 the ineffective McMahon was replaced by Andy Parkinson, Willmott switching to wide left, and the stage seemed set for a stirring comeback.
Albrighton typified the hosts' desperation when he tumbled theatrically to the ground under the lightest of challenges from Rendell in a transparent attempt to get him booked, and the look of astonishment on his face when Rendell was only spoken to by the ref was a wonder to behold. What a shame, though; I thought the guy had more class than that. Old heroes, eh...
United were on top, but not to a particularly convincing degree; Carden and Reason still failed to convince. Half-chances were created and blocked but Day was not forced into any urgent action, and the killer final ball continued to prove elusive. Morison drew a simple save from Potter from a corner on 71, then Carden found Rendell with a free-kick, but he could only nod wide.
Next throw of the dice came on 73, Lee Phillips replacing Willmott and Holroyd moving wide left, then Reason was carded for a foul on Mills. Martin took the free-kick from wide left, Ashton beat Potter to the ball at the near post, but his header was brilliantly nodded off the line by the covering Coulson to save a certain third for the hosts.
Back up the other end, Reason found Hatswell with a free-kick, but Day gathered without too much difficulty, then Parkinson fired over from the angle. Peter Vincenti replaced Boylan on 82, Rendell nodded onto the top of the net then Holroyd forced a save from Day on 84. But with an uninspired and out of sorts engine room, United huffed and puffed then blew themselves out. They failed to create a single clearcut chance and Stevenage spent most of the five added minutes timewasting deep into the United half. The final whistle came almost as a relief to the U's fans who knew their team would not have scored had they played until Easter. 2010.
All of a sudden a chase for the championship has become a race up a slippery slope for a playoff place with several chasing clubs' hot breath on our goosepimpling necks. That gap in the fixtures seems to have stopped all the team's momentum, and key players (Carden, Reason, Rendell, the full-backs) need to retrieve their best form and stop making silly mistakes. The last four fixtures are there to be won, and the reward will be there if they are. Gird your squeaky bums, everyone...
Statto Corner
It has been just over a year since United last lost two consecutive league games: 2-1 at Ebbsfleet on 24th March 2008, then 3-0 at home to Kidderminster five days later. From there, they went on to win five or their last six matches to qualify for the playoffs in second place.
Lee Boylan has scored in the last three matches he has played against the U's. He notched for Canvey Island in a 1-1 draw in Essex on 26th November 2005, then found the net again in another Essex stalemate, 1-1 at Grays on 5th November 2006. He then went on to score 14 games in 42 games for United before leaving after last season's Wembley final.
Mark Albrighton faced United for the fifth time in his career tonight. His first match was the most dramatic, when he played for Doncaster at the Abbey on 30th September 2003. The U's raced into a three-goal lead, only to be pegged back to 3-3, Albrighton heading their second from a corner, and only a dramatic last-minute penalty save by Shaun Marshall prevented an embarrassing defeat. He also appeared for Donnie in their 3-2 LDV defeat at the Abbey in November 2005, a certain Leo Fortune-West claiming both of Rovers' goals, and for Rushden in their 3-1 Nene Park win over the U's in January 2007. He also played for Stevenage in United's 1-1 home draw earlier this season.
Stevenage's right-back, Lawrie Wilson, gained a medal in Cambridge United colours in 2006. He played as a trialist in the Cambs Professional Cup Final at Histon, and the U's triumphed 4-3 over the hosts on penalties after a goalless draw. Wilson failed to gain a contract at the Abbey and went on to sign for Colchester.
A couple of well-travelled veterans have signed for Stevenage this term in the forms of Junior Mendes and Chris Day; both have faced United before. Mendes turned out for Carlisle when they drew 1-1 at Newmarket Road in December 1998, then scored Mansfield's goal in their 1-1 draw with the U's at Field Mill in April 2004. His full name, by the way, is Albert Junior Hillyard Andrew Mendes.
Goalkeeper Chris Day has faced United three times, twice as a substitute. A teenage Day first played at the Abbey for Tottenham Hotspur in a pre-season friendly in 1994, Spurs winning comfortably 3-0. He next turned up in Cambridge for Watford in another friendly in 1998, United this time victorious, 3-2. We last came across him in our 2-1 home win over QPR in September 2001, Dave Kitson and Tom Youngs beating Day for the hosts.
Player Ratings
Potter 5. Dreadful mistake for Stevenage's first goal and looked fairly subdued all evening.
Gleeson 5. Sluggish and out of touch in the first half and lucky to avoid dismissal after getting caught dwelling on the ball on halfway. Improved in part two as he had less pressure put on him by the ten-man hosts.
Tonkin 5. He and McMahon formed an absolutely shambolic left side for United, given the runaround at will by the wily Mendes and cohorts. Only slightly better once Mendes went off.
Coulson 7. One of few United players to come out of this shambles with any credit, Josh kept it simple and did an admirable job.
Hatswell 7. Mostly up to his usual standard despite his full-backs having nightmares either side of him.
Willmott 6. Lively and willing runner, notching a fine goal, although less effective on the left. Lost possession a little too often.
Carden 6. Plenty of good, industrious work, but what on Earth happened to his passing? Directly to blame for Stevenage's second goal, and too many other passes needlessly misdirected.
Reason 5. Another poor effort after setting such high standards; perhaps we should remember he is only 18 years old with no previous first team experience. Looks like he needs a rest.
McMahon 4. Put in the side to do a job which he utterly failed to do, offering no protection to Tonkin down the left and no creative threat going forward either. Lucky to last an hour because some of us would have removed him after half that time.
Holroyd 7. Asked the hosts all sorts of questions but had precious little support behind or alongside him.
Rendell 5. Scott's alarming dip in form continued; he looked incapable of competing physically with the Boro defence and the goal instinct has disappeared, too. A spell on the bench is recommended.
Parkinson 6. Parky battled valiantly but needed better, or more in-form players, around him.
Phillips 6. Bustled and muscled promisingly and with better service he might have delivered. Start him on Saturday.
Match Summary
Lacklustre United slumped to a feeble defeat to ten-man Stevenage in a performance which was a major let-down to their vast army of loyal supporters. Certain players need to find their form quickly before their season peters out altogether.
Man of the Match
Josh Coulson. First start in a long while, but coped splendidly with the occasion despite misfiring team-mates all around him. Cool headed, reliable and no-frills defending.
Ref Watch
Sutton 7. Did a mainly decent job in a volatile atmosphere, although his denial of Holroyd's penalty claim was just plain perverse.
Becky's World of Wit and Wisdom
"He knows that when the blows of life knock a man down, the important thing is not to stay down. He develops the quality of bounce, rebounding from defeat as a rubber ball rebounds when you throw it to the floor. He knows that life has its rhythms, as the ebb and flow of the tide, so he learns 'to labour and to wait' giving time a chance to work its miracles. He uses the lessons of failure to build for the future; his mistakes become red stop lights warning him away from highways that lead to defeat. He learns to fall forward like a good ball carrier in football... to make the most of every failure. He rises to challenge off failure as did Mark Twain when he wrote, 'A few fly bites cannot stop a spirited horse.' He keeps on keeping on. He adopts as his talisman, the magic words of the ancient seer: 'This, too, shall pass away'.'' [Middlesbrough, 17/3/92]
Hello... Goodbye
Today is the birthday of one of United's 'Lost Boys,' Ray Nicholls (1965). A gifted creative midfielder, he was just 16 when he made his debut for United in March 1982 in a goalless draw at Watford. Unfortunately he made his breakthrough just as the U's began a decline in Division 2 as they started to cut costs and eventually laid too much responsibility on the heads of youngsters such as Nicholls, Steve Pyle, Kevin Smith and (the one survivor) Andy Sinton. After 25 appearances and one goal, Ray played his last first team game on Fireworks Night, 1983, then drifted out of professional football, never to return.
Martin Robinson played his last game in black'n'amber on this day in 1990. A veteran of 32, he had been a prolific striker for Southend, Gillingham and most notably Charlton Athletic, for whom he scored 58 goals in 228 League matches, but he was approaching his sell-by date by the time he arrived at the Abbey and managed only one League goal for the U's in seven appearances plus nine as sub, a last-minute winner in a 3-2 victory at Wrexham. Fourth choice striker behind Dion Dublin, John Taylor and Steve Claridge, he departed for Enfield at the end of the 1989-90 season.
Soundtrack of the Day
Passion Pit 'The Reeling'
Parky's Pick of the Pops
Andy Parkinson lends an ear to the Broadhall sounds. "All right, lads and lasses? I'm very broad minded, me - not perhaps as broad-minded as me Auntie Tasha, but hey, a girl's got to make a living somehow! She flips burgers at Goodison Park, by the way. So I've got a broad taste in music, too, as long as it's got PASSION and COMMITMENT, and by 'eck I needed it at Stevenage, ey!
"For starters, they seemed to have an album of film and TV themes, so we got 'Hawaii 5-0,' 'Rocky,' some Spaghetti Western music by Ennio Morricone and Phil Lynott's early Eighties theme to 'Top Of The Pops'! Then there was the vintage Seventies stuff like 'Popcorn', Billy Ocean and Status Quo, modern stuff from the Pet Shop Boys, Girls Aloud, James Morrison and the Saturdays, and Mika, unfortunately, who sets my ruddy teeth on edge, I can tell ya!
"The best stuff was in the run-up to kick-off, though: 'Hi Ho Silver Lining' - classic singalong - Jacko's 'Beat It' from before he got, y'know, really weird, Oasis' 'Supersonic,' Pigbag, and best of all, The Who's 'Won't Get Fooled Again.' Meet the new boss! Same as the old boss! We've all been there, right? Great stuff.
"It wasn't all great, and some of it was just peculiar, like, but when it comes to variety, you won't hear a better mix this season. Thumbs up!" PPP verdict: 9/10. Never walk alone!
Andrew Bennett
Andrew's previous match reports
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