Wednesday 14th January 2009 - U's 0-5 Crawley: F. Atrophy
The tact and subtlety of Russell Brand. The quiet restraint of Steve Evans. The financial wizardry of the world's leading investment banks. The sheer charm of Barry Fry. These are not phrases that you hear every day; in fact you do not hear them at all. And to that lackadaisical lexicon, you can indubitably add another one from a CUFC point of view: the magic of the FA Trophy. Although never the runt of the litter on the scale of the unloved and unwanted Setanta Shield, United's short but chequered history in this most prestigious of non-League tournaments is mostly one of pain and despair, from defeat at Dorchester to repeated batterings at the Glassworld; even our win there this season was too stressful and controversial to be truly enjoyable. And that undesirable pantomime was continued in no uncertain terms on Wednesday night with an all-too-familiar cast of cartoon villains, slapstick comedy and the very antithesis of a happy ending. Oh yes it was.
After sixteen long days without matchday action, the great Cambridge public didn't seem desperate to get back into the swing of things as just over 1,200 souls gathered on a chilly Wednesday evening, paying full admission prices for the privilege. Most of Crawley's 25 travelling supporters did not arrive until half-time due to their minibus breaking down, so it was nice of their team to save most of their goals until the second half.
Most welcome sight on the Abbey pitch was that of Andy Parkinson, warming up with the squad in anonymous woolly hat on his way back to fitness after the training injury that has restricted him to one league appearance this season. Great to see you back, Parky.
It was too soon to put him on the bench, but due to suspension and injury young CRC midfielder Sam Ives made an appearance amongst the subs. If you cast your mind way, way back to 2008, you might remember that United's last match was against Stevenage. From the team that started on 28th December Dan Gleeson was injured, Courtney Pitt dropped and Scott Rendell... well, let's not go there, eh? No, not Peterborough.
Jon Challinor filled in at right-back, Felino Jardim took up station wide left, and Mark Beesley partnered Chris Holroyd up front in a strong-looking line-up, presumably as much due to their needing match practice as down to any ambitions of reaching Wembley.
There were several familiar faces in the Cambridge blue of Crawley, with new signing from Aldershot, Lewis Chalmers, in midfield, veteran ex-Bournemouth target man Steve Fletcher up front, and on the bench, 42-year-old player/assistant manager Paul Raynor, a U's legend for his up-and-at-'em approach which once caused him to be sent off for head-butting his own team-mate, Mick Heathcote, in a 1-0 win at Brentford on Valentine's Day 1993, although they really only had a forehead-to-forehead screaming match. Just the kind of thoughtful, calming influence that his current boss, Steve Evans, needs.
United set the tone for their performance early on when Anthony Tonkin made a promising overlapping run down the left but sent over a disappointingly underhit cross that went nowhere near any of his colleagues. Early exchanges could best be described as low-key, although Ben Farrell made a decent run forward on 5 and found Robbie Willmott in the right channel, but with several team-mates waiting in the middle, he fired an underwhelming shot over from the angle.
The hosts had enjoyed the better of early possession, albeit without doing a great deal with it, so it was somewhat against the run of play when Crawley took the lead on 10. A routine long ball from deep caught United snoozing and, as everyone hesitated, Simon Weatherstone nipped through the statues to poke home from close range at the near post past a baffled Danny Potter. Oh dear: 1-0.
The technical area fun began shortly after when Michael Malcolm fell to the ground in the United box, clutching his ankle, but the ref did not see fit to stop play and the U's were in possession for a good minute as the Crawley man writhed around and Messrs Evans and Raynor ranted and raved in protest. Our Gary started to get involved before Greg Reid's ample frame sensibly intervened, and when the visitor's physio did eventually get on, Potter ambled over to the touchline to enjoy a drink and an interesting-looking conversation with the Crawley boss. Let's just say they didn't look as if they were enquiring after the health of the other's family.
United finally managed a decent strike on goal on 18: Wayne Hatswell's ambitious long-range free-kick was cleared to Paul Carden on the edge of the box, and his splendid shot was headed for the top corner until blocked then caught by giant keeper Simon Rayner.
The first yellow card of the evening was awarded three minutes later when Chalmers chopped Challinor down with an horrendous challenge that might even have been deemed worthy of a red by a less lenient ref. Next reasonable effort came on 26, Jardim's free-kick finding Tonkin whose superb volley was blocked away by Jake Wright.
The U's remained on top in terms of possession, but their problem was that for all their nice build-up play, there was absolutely no end product. Neither winger was producing much in terms of conventional wing-play, and when the ball was swung into the middle, the standard of United's crossing was shoddy to say the least, most of them aimless and behind the strikers when they should have been heading into the 'corridor of uncertainty' between keeper and back four; instead they were banged into the back passage of mediocrity.
United's other attacking option was to bang hopeful long balls down the middle, but neither striker had the physical presence to challenge the hulking Crawley defence even if their supply line had been any better than inaccurately sub-standard. And with the wingers subdued and Carden stationed deep, Ben Farrell had to strive valiantly as a one-man support service for the front two.
Jardim did manage one decent run and cross, but his ball to the far post could only find the gap where Scott Rendell would have been if he were still with us. The Dutchman poked a shot of his own wide on 35, and seven minutes later United's other tactic, the Challinor long throw, set up Willmott for an angled shot which again flew high and wide.
There was a moment of brief entertainment just before half-time when Jardim tumbled into the hoardings in front of the Habbin under a robust challenge from Weatherstone and seemed to the denizens of that stand to have disappeared into a black hole, lying invisibly off the pitch for rather too long until his little head eventually reappeared above the parapet to relieved cheers that he hadn't drowned in a puddle.
So far, so what; a lack of invention going forward allied to sloppiness at the back had been a recipe for disaster in part one, and Crawley had not been made to work nearly hard enough for their lead, despite the willing running of Holroyd, Farrell and Willmott. The bench alternatives of Pitt, Danny Crow, young Ives and two centre-backs did not fill one with confidence for a turnaround in part two.
United made a decent start to the second half, and indeed created their best chance within a couple of minutes of the restart: Holroyd sprinted down the middle onto a through ball from Carden, twisted past two markers to create space for a shot, but although his effort at goal was well struck, it was far too close to Rayner to cause many palpitations.
It was the Crawley keeper himself who did that a minute later, when Challinor's hopeful chipped cross fell to him unchallenged ten yards out, but instead of a comfortable catch, he fumbled it horribly, dropped it and eventually fell on it at the second attempt with no U's man near enough to take advantage. Although one suspects that a Rendell would have been right on the spot.
Farrell saw yellow on 51 for a fairly average challenge on Chalmers, then Challinor followed him into the book for chopping down Malcolm as he threatened to break into the box at pace. United, strangely, seemed to lose either heart or concentration along with their discipline, leaving gaps for the visitors to break into and giving the ball away sloppily, and with both wingers pushing forward those gaps at the back began to get increasingly prevalent. And with the service to the front two still unsatisfactory and Beesley looking a confidenceless shadow of himself, there was little for a shaky-looking Rayner to worry about, the midfield and wingers preferring to pass the ball (and the buck) sideways when near the box rather than test him with a shot.
One of those gaps opened up on 56 when a dreadful attempted pass from Carden intended for Willmott was easily intercepted and with United playing statues again, Jon-Paul Pittman sprinted unmarked onto Malcolm's through ball to lift the ball past the advancing Potter. 2-0.
Potter gathered a shot from visiting skipper Dannie Bulman before Our Gary made two changes on the hour, Crow and Pitt replacing Holroyd and Jardim to the crowd's underwhelment, and Willmott tried another snap shot which again flew over the top. But creatively the U's remained unconvincing, not unlike Rayner who flapped at a Hatswell free-kick, and with Farrell disappearing into his shell and two 'strikers' who seemed more interested in dropping deep to get involved with the build-up then wondered why there was no-one left in the box to cross to, the outlook looked as bleak as the increasingly freezing weather.
We all know about the Crawley manager's chequered past, with convictions for tax avoidance, contract fraud and impeding FA investigations, and unfortunately some of that seems to have rubbed off on his players. First Glenn Wilson attempted to get Farrell a second yellow when going down like he had been shot under a fair challenge, then his colleague Malcolm succeeded where he had failed on 70.
The Crawley winger headed goalward at speed down the middle, and as he entered the box, he swerved to change direction and flung himself dramatically to the ground. Nearest United man, Challinor, had not come within three yards of him, but astoundingly ref Naylor saw the incident as a foul and absurdly handed Challinor his second yellow and awarded a penalty. Malcolm's blatant cheating and cynicism was really quite breathtaking and thoroughly depressing. And the fact that he got away with it was doubly so.
Thankfully there was some justice done when Potter dived to make a magnificent save from Malcolm's spot-kick to prove that cheats really don't prosper. The incident seemed at last to goad United into some action, and they broke swiftly up the other end in a flowing move that saw Beesley find Crow with a cross, but his underhit shot was saved by Rayner.
The visitors responded with a Chalmers shot wide, then Willmott tried a low free-kick but it came off Crow for a goal-kick. United continued to chase the game, with Willmott now a makeshift right-back in a 4-3-2, and frustration grew with the ref who had been so quick to wave cards at United men but continued to allow persistent fouling by the Crawley defence without so much as a warning word. And for all United's new-found spirit of derring-do, their attacking play still lacked the quality to trouble the visitors' back line.
All that pushing forward also left ever greater gaps at the back which Crawley began to exploit. And the last five minutes were nothing short of a disaster for the hosts as the scoreline became skewed horribly in favour of the men from Sussex.
Crawley's third on 85 was, inevitably, via a quick breakaway, slipshod passing from the U's again leading to Pittman picking up possession in the right-hand corner of the box and curling an impressive shot into the far corner. 3-0.
Thomas Pinault and Danny Mills replaced Chalmers and Fletcher for the visitors, then Ives (above) was handed a mercifully brief first-team debut in place of Farrell with three minutes remaining. Crawley broke once more down the left, Malcolm's cross found the United defence leaden-footed again, and Pittman was left unmarked for an easy finish to complete his hat-trick and a unnecessarily over-the-top mass celebration in front of the NRE which would have merited a caution from a better ref. 4-0.
As fans drifted away gloomily into the night and the Amber Army chanted and danced defiantly, Pittman was replaced by Mithun Nayee, Bulman at last became another Crawley cardee, and Willmott floated a free-kick into the side netting, but with almost the last touch of the match, Pinault's free-kick from the right wing found the head of Adam Quinn, who easily outjumped Phil Bolland to power home a headed coup de grace: 5-0.
There was mercifully no time for any more 'action' and another tumultuous FA Trophy campaign was over for the season. The game was to some extent a one-off given the circumstances, but United's lack of punch up front and creativity just behind is a matter for concern that could become serious with a few tough-looking League fixtures coming up. And that previously impregnable defence is looking a bit ragged, too, without a proper right-back. All problems that need to be addressed very soon indeed if this season is not to peter out like Hull City's League form.
The amber army expects, Gary and co... now show us what you are made of. 'Concentrating on the League' may be another of those everyday phrases, but this one rings all too true now.
Statto Corner
The sixteen-day gap since United last played on 28th December is the longest during a season since 1996-97. United won 1-0 at Torquay on 28th December '96, their New Year's Day game at Scarborough was postponed, and their next match was the rearranged contest at the McCain Stadium on 14th January 1997. The U's duly lost 1-0 with a side which included a centre-back pairing of Jody Craddock and current Hull skipper Ian Ashbee.
This was United's heaviest home defeat since they were battered 5-0 by York City in Jimmy Quinn's first season, on 13th March 2007. Not a single one of the U's starting XI that day is still at the club now, although Mark Convery started for York.
Clayton Donaldson scored a hat-trick for the visitors that day, the last opposing player to do so at the Abbey until Jon-Paul Pittman tonight. The most recent hat-trick scorer against United was Forest Green's Stuart Fleetwood in their 3-1 victory at The New Lawn on 29th September 2007.
The Trophy has certainly produced plenty of drama for the U's. This was the third 5-0 result in our last five games in the competition, following a defeat at Histon two seasons ago and a win over King's Lynn by that score last term. Today also saw the fifth red card in our last three Trophy games, after Mat Mitchel-King and Matt 'The Postman Always Gets Booked Twice' Langston for Histon last month, and Paul Carden and Leo Fortune-West against the village people last season.
The latter match was also the last time United played on a Wednesday, going down 2-0 at Bridge Road on 16th January last year.
This was United's first ever home defeat in the Trophy since initially entering in the competition's inaugural season, 1969-70. The only previous Abbey games were the King's Lynn win last term and a 2-1 triumph over the mighty Minehead in January 1970.
United have now had six players sent off this season, equalling the totals of 1992-93 (including Mr Raynor) and 2000-01. That total, however, has been beaten in seasons 2001-02 (seven), 2002-03 (eight) and 2006-07 (nine). Still plenty of time for those records to be exceeded this term...
Player Ratings
Potter 6 - Little he could do about any of the goals conceded by his sub-standard defence.
Challinor 4 - His poorest game at right-back, although unlucky to be dismissed for Malcolm's outrageous dive.
Bolland 5 - Exposed for pace at times.
Hatswell 6 - Best of a poor bunch at the back.
Tonkin 5 - Some good forward overlaps spoilt by mediocre crossing.
Willmott 6 - Lively and willing, although unable to keep any of his shots down.
Carden 6 - Battled valiantly to no avail.
Farrell 5 - Decent first half, faded badly in the second.
Jardim 4 - Produced nothing of any note.
Beesley 4 - No threat to the Crawley defence whatsoever.
Holroyd 5 - Tireless worker, but blew his best chance to score.
Crow 5 - Some decent link-up play, but again spent too much time dropping deep and not enough in the danger areas where a striker is supposed to be.
Pitt 5 - Produced a few reasonable runs and crosses down the left.
Ives 5 - Not the best game in which to introduce a youngster for his debut.
Match Summary
United were initially toothless and ended up both potless and hopeless on a night which is best consigned to the dustbin of history. But lessons must be learned; massive improvements are required from every component of the team, starting on Saturday. If this evening can be turned into a galvanising wake-up call for the rest of the season, it won't have been a complete waste of time.
Men (and Women) of the Match
The crowd - for (a) turning up on a chilly night for this tinpot cup, (b) suffering Steve Evans' incessant ranting from the touchline, and (c) staying (mostly) until the end of this embarrassment. The NRE's blackly humorous chanting and conga towards the end particularly warmed the old cockles.
Ref Watch
Naylor 4. Will be mostly remembered for being conned by Malcolm's pathetic cheating, but should also be censured for being far too tolerant of Crawley's rough-house tackling and letting far too many of their players get away with persistent fouling without so much as a word of warning.
Becky's World of Wit and Wisdom
"He who hopes to avoid all failure and misfortune is trying to live in a fairyland; the wise man realistically accepts failures as a part of life and builds a philosophy to meet them and make the most of them. He lives on the principle of 'nothing attempted, nothing gained' and is resolved that if he fails he is going to fail while trying to succeed. He does not set for himself the impossible ideal of always being successful in everything. He does the best he can and then with a serene spirit accepts what comes. He recognises that although he cannot always control what happens to him, he can always control how he responds to his failures. He observes that the only water that can sink a ship is water that gets inside of it and so he strives to keep all thoughts of failure out of his mind.' [Middlesbrough, 17/3/92]
Hello... Goodbye
Happy birthday today to our second favourite Aussie, Jonathan Edmund Alexander Brady (1975). Never backward in coming forward, the winger from Newcastle managed four goals in 56 games for the U's before leaving for his current club, Kettering Town.
Older readers may remember today's second birthday boy, Bryan Conlon (1943). Signed from Blackburn in 1972, the craggy midfielder notched three times in 19 matches before moving on his last League club, Hartlepool.
14th January 1984 was marked by the first team debut of one of United's finest ever keepers, and a home-grown one to boot, Keith Branagan. His debut at the age of 17 was in a 2-0 home defeat by Carlisle, but he was rarely selected by useless managers John Ryan then Ken Shellito in those dark mid-80s days. When Chris Turner took over, however, he spotted Keith's talents and he was soon first choice keeper, making 102 consecutive appearances before being sold to Millwall for a handsome £100,000 in March 1988.
Keith was in goal for the Lions when Dave Thompson's own goal helped the U's knock them out of the FA Cup in 1990, but he went on to greater things with Bolton, getting capped by the Republic of Ireland and playing twice at Wembley in 1995, gaining a League Cup runners-up medal then helping Wanderers beat Reading 4-3 to gain promotion to the Premier League. He eventually wound down his career with Ipswich, where injury forced his retirement.
The above-mentioned match at Scarborough on 14th January 1997 saw the United debut - second time around - of John 'Shaggy' Taylor, nearly five years after having departed the Abbey for Bristol Rovers in the disastrous swap deal which saw Devon White move the other way (he rarely moved at all in a U's shirt). Shaggy of course went on become our all-time top League goalscorer, and an ultimately unsuccessful spell as manager under difficult circumstances will never sully his all-time legend status at United.
Keith Branagan's debut match in 1984 was also the last game in United colours for one of United's best ever left-backs, Jamie Murray, before he left for Brentford after 221 ultra-consistent appearances. He subsequently returned for another 17 runouts in black'n'amber in 1987-88 before moving on to Soham. His son, Antonio, might be as good as player as him one day.
14th January 1998 saw the reserves debut of Darren Currie, who had joined United on loan from Shrewsbury, in a goalless draw with Fulham's stiffs at the Abbey. He never made it as far as the first team, eventually returning unwanted to Gay Meadow, but he went on to enjoy a mercurial career at the likes of Plymouth, Barnet, Wycombe, Brighton, Ipswich, Coventry etc etc...
Soundtrack of the Day
Little Boots 'Stuck On Repeat'
Andrew Bennett
Andrew's previous match reports
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