Saturday 20th December - U's 4-0 Salisbury: The Kryptonite Factor
It shone brightly in the darkening December air, a dazzling reddish yellow beacon, dancing in front of 3,300 pairs of entranced eyes who had never seen its like in all their years of attendance at the Wembley of the Fens. Was it a sign? A Christmas star for the 21st century, come to show us the way to peace and enlightenment? Er, no: it was Courtney Pitt's underpants. His Superman underpants.
He produced one of the most unforgettable, not to mention slightly embarrassing, goal celebrations in United's history when he scored the team's fourth in their defeat of Salisbury. Raising his shirt to chin level and dropping his voluminous shorts to his shins to display his violently coloured undercrackers, he cavorted gleefully in front of amused team-mates and supporters alike, even the ref turning a blind eye as he tried desperately to recall if the rulebook covered such an extraordinary display. No doubt about it: the spirit of Christmas is with us again.
United fans had already enjoyed one early festive gift last weekend in that dramatic Trophy win. But now, with five home games in a row, was a chance for a gift that would keep on giving: an accumulation of league points. Plus the chance to knock that nice Steve Evans' lot out of the Trophy.
The traffic around Newmarket Road was not nearly as bad as one might have feared so near to the big day - ho ho ho to that - and neither was the weather, which was so mild it felt positively warm. I'm dreaming of a tepid Christmas. Phil Bolland wasn't feeling so good, however, and after becoming unwell during the warmup he was replaced in the starting line-up by Josh Coulson, leaving United with only four substitutes on the bench. Only other change from last week saw Courtney Pitt get a start, Jon Challinor moving to right-back to fill in for suspended Dan Gleeson, leaving Ben Farrell and Paul Carden in central midfield and Robbie Willmott wide right behind front men Scott Rendell and Chris Holroyd.
Salisbury came to the Abbey in all sorts of financial trouble, having fallen a mere £67,000 short of their target of an immediate cash injection of £100k and shorn of many squad members, many of whom have left rather than take an enforced pay cut. Their desperation was evident in the presence of new striker, ex-U Danny Webb, one of the least prolific United strikers ever and who has since failed to establish himself at Weymouth, Yeovil, Rushden, Woking, Wimbledon, Chelmsford, Havant and even Maltese club Marsaxlokk, who sound more like something out of World of Warcraft.
He was joined up front by Charles Ademeno, a former U who is rather more fondly remembered for his brief jet-heeled loan spell from Southend the season before last, while a third ex-United man, Brian Dutton, was on the bench.
No doubt thankful to be playing on grass after last week's mudbath, United made a bright start with Farrell looking full of energy in the middle and the whole team, notably the wingers and forwards, looking mobile and alert in a classic 4-4-2 formation. The enforced changes to Salisbury's team seemed to have lost them some of that nasty aggressive route-one attitude of last season, but to the credit they passed it around fairly well and did not play like a 'crisis club'. It must be Lewes' turn this week. Again.
The visitors were also the latest team to show up with a long throw specialist, one Ian Herring, who caused the occasional palpitation with his balls deep into the box, but neither keeper was overly troubled in the early stages for all both sides' neat build-up play. James Bittner in the Salisbury goal clutched a Willmott free-kick on 11, then Pitt crossed for Rendell to nod a couple of yards wide, while on 20 Willmott set up Farrell for a shot which he pulled well wide from just outside the area.
The deadlock, however, was broken on 24. Anthony Tonkin was about to take a throw-in opposite the penalty box on the left, but Carden motioned for Coulson to trot forward from the back before he took it. The result was a perfect training-ground goal: Tonkin's throw was headed on by Coulson, then by Holroyd, and there was Willmott storming in at the far post to bullet a header into the net for his first league goal. Jingle bells all the way: 1-0!
Salisbury heads did not go down, however. Three minutes later a corner from Ross Noble lookalike Robbie Sinclair found the head of Tim Bond, who nodded wide, then Ademeno, always a menace with his pace and close control, found Potter's gloves with a long-range drive.
There were fairly convincing claims for a United penalty just before the half-hour when Willmott was felled in the box, but ref Brown was not interested, although he awarded a free-kick for a similar-looking challenge outside the area a few minutes later. Up the other end Coulson did well to block a shot from Michael Fowler, then on 35 a foul by Fowler on Pitt presented United with a free-kick 25 yards out. Courtney himself took it, but his curler over the wall just lacked sufficient dip to make it under the crossbar.
It was United who finished the stronger, with Willmott and Pitt linking well with their respective full-backs and using the full width of the pitch, Rendell leading the line with authority and Holroyd a constant buzzing menace around him. One superb overlap from Tonkin culminated in a cross to Farrell ten yards out, but his goalbound shot was well blocked by Luke Ruddick.
Final action of the half marked the first significant involvement of Webb as he received a booking for a dangerous high challenge on Holroyd, although his tackle was clumsy rather than malicious. Ref Brown took an eternity to show him the card, almost as if he were teasing us as to whether it would be yellow or red, and despite the fact that one extra minute had already been indicated and the man in black had taken just as long again to brandish his plastic, added time amounted to a matter of seconds.
So far, so not bad. Salisbury had provided spirited if limited opposition, with little punch up front, and if the supply line, particularly from the wide men, could just get upped a notch in quality, a comfortable victory was surely within reach. All those 1-0s were all very well, but at this time of year something a bit more comfy and cosy would be very welcome indeed. The slippers, socks and hand-knitted scarves could wait for next Thursday.
United restarted purposefully, Coulson looping a header narrowly over from Willmott's cross early on, and within six minutes of the restart the hosts had doubled their lead. It was the U's front line's pace which did for the visitors' defence as Willmott raced onto a Farrell ball down the right flank, beat his man and found both his strikers haring into the middle with the opposition struggling to keep up like so many Father Christmases after one too many figgy puddings.
The teenage winger's cross was pinpoint, finding Holroyd's forehead, but his goalbound nod was superbly saved by Bittner; however, the unfortunate keeper's parry fell straight to Rendell, in the perfect poacher's position, and he slid coolly home from eight yards. Joy to the world: 2-0.
Now United went for the jugular with pace and power. Holroyd turned and slid a shot narrowly wide, then Challinor sent Willmott away twice in a couple of minutes, both times his cross finding Rendell; his first header was just wide, his second called offside. Willmott almost wriggled through himself on 58, but the ball came off his shin and Bittner advanced to claim, getting accidentally caught by the U's man as he went for the 50/50 ball. Willmott was ludicrously booked by Brown for his challenge.
The visitors made a change on the hour, Charlie Griffin replacing Stephen Maher, but their tweaking became irrelevant within minutes as United went goal crazy. In the first half Challinor had revealed a nifty United set piece move when he made a late, late run into the box for a corner and arriving completely unmarked, had a free header at goal, but was so far out that his goalward nod was cleared from the six-yard box.
On 61 the move was repeated with infinitely more success. Willmott lined up a corner from the right, saw Challinor making his run beyond the penalty spot and arrowed over a perfect flag-kick; this time JC did not go for goal, but guided a deft header back towards the far post. It dropped perfectly into the crowd for Holroyd to rise and nod home from close range for his second goal of the season. Ding dong merrily on high: 3-0.
Now Salisbury were on the ropes as waves of United attacks continued to flood their back line. Within a minute Tonkin's long throw had soared into the visitors' disorganised box, Carden helped it on, and amongst a throng of bodies it was Pitt who got his toe to it to prod home from close in. Hallelujah: 4-0.
Courtney's celebration, involving dropping of shorts and superhero-themed underwear, has already been recorded, and even the ref enjoyed an indulgent half-chuckle as the players trooped, guffawing like naughty schoolboys, back to their half. 'Tis the season to be jolly, after all.
Now it seemed that the only remaining question about the scoreline was how many would accumulate on United's side. After a Salisbury corner Rendell found Pitt, whose tremendous shot from outside the area was well parried by Bittner, and Holroyd could not quite connect with his attempted follow-up before it ran out of play.
To their credit, however, Salisbury did not lie down and play dead, and United gradually began to turn down the heat. Webb dragged a shot well wide, Pitt was harshly adjudged to have fouled in heading goalward, and on 74 Webb was withdrawn in favour of Rory Hill. Carden then did well to block a Sinclair drive which looked distinctly goalbound, and Felino Jardim then entered the fray in place of Superpitt.
Back came the U's again, another splendid Willmott run and cross finding Holroyd at the near post, and with the ball slightly behind him, his acrobatic scissors kick flew only just wide. On his next run, the rampant Willmott was confident enough to cut inside and try a shot with his left foot, but it was well off target, and on 83 Mark Beesley replaced Holroyd after the latter's best game in black'n'amber.
The new boys almost combined to produce a goal with Beesley's first touch, a splendid Jardim run to the byline culminating in a pullback to the United strike man, but his powerful strike was well held by Bittner. On 86 a magnificent Tonkin overlap took him to the byline, too, but his cross was cut out by the keeper at the near post, and as the 90 approached, Jardim found Beesley again on the edge of the box and he tried his favourite shot, the curler for the far post, but it arced frustratingly wide.
Farrell picked up another harsh card from the man in black for a clash with Herring, Carden blocked an Ademeno effort, and within the three added minutes came United's best chance of the whole match as Herring's dreadful back-pass served only to send Willmott clear and unchallenged down the middle on goal. With only Bittner to beat, Robbie did not seem clear in his mind what he wanted to do, and his eventual shot was a hopeless scuff which dribbled embarrassingly wide. The boy's still got a bit to learn.
No matter, the amber army had its winter warmer in thrilling fashion - the first time United had scored more than two at home since January - and it set us all up for a carefree Christmas and some exciting Abbey encounters over the holiday period. And the news that Cambridgeshire's 'other' two clubs had both been hit for four goals didn't hurt, either.
I wonder how many impressionable young U's fans (or older ones!) will be requesting Superman underpants from dear old Santa? Whatever he brings, I hope it's just what you wanted. And I hope he's got room for automatic promotion in his sack. Merry Christmas!
Statto Corner
Today saw United's highest-scoring win since their 5-0 defeat of Droylsden back on 22nd January, in which Scott Rendell notched a hat-trick. The last time the U's had four different scorers in a match was in the 5-1 FA Cup victory over Stafford Rangers on 30th October last year, when Rendell again, Lee Boylan, Rob Wolleaston and Darryl Knights (2) all found the net. The last time it happened in a league game was on 9th April 2007 in the 4-2 hammering of Conference champions elect Dagenham & Redbridge; on that occasion Mark Peters, Robbie Simpson, Courtney Pitt and Wolleaston were the men on target.
Scott Rendell now has the fantastic record of 28 goals in 36 games (plus 8 as sub) for United. In the Conference his record is 20 in 28 (plus 7 off the bench).
Chris Holroyd's only previous U's goal was the last in United's 3-0 win at Eastbourne on 23rd August. Robbie Willmott's score today was his first ever league goal, following goals in the FA Cup at Boston and, of course, last week's Trophy winner at Histon.
Courtney Pitt last got on the scoresheet on 9th February, with United's first in their 2-1 home win over Stevenage. There was no flashing involved.
Charles Ademeno scored one goal for United in his loan spell in 2007, the second in their 2-2 draw at Morecambe on 17th February. His last game in black'n'amber was in that unforgettable 1-0 win at Aldershot in April which clinched Conference survival.
Danny Webb's last game for United was our last in the Football League (for now), the goalless draw with Notts County on 7th May 2005. He scored a not-so-grand total of four goals for the club in 35 games (plus ten as sub), the last of which came in a 2-1 defeat at Lincoln on 19th February that year.
Player Ratings
Potter 7. Most under-employed United player, never in any sort of trouble.
Challinor 8. Played as if he has been a right-back all his career; immaculate.
Coulson 9. Didn't put a foot wrong all day; peerless in the tackle, commanding in the air, and helped set up the first goal.
Hatswell 8. Fairly quiet game by his standard, but always in command of every situation.
Tonkin 8. Untroubled defensively, and showed that when he makes those well-timed forward runs, he is the best overlapping full-back in this division.
Willmott 9. Our Gary may consider Robbie to be a central striker of the future, but today he was a supreme right-winger.
Carden 8. The beating heart of the team and all-action as ever.
Farrell 9. Ben has had an in-and-out season, but today he showed he can take a game by the scruff of the neck and dominate from start to finish.
Pitt 8. The little magician is well and truly back, and with full fitness he can terrorise any defence in the league.
Holroyd 9. Asked questions of the visitors' defence all afternoon with pace, strength and awareness, and thoroughly deserved his goal. Like Farrell, needs an extended run in the side to fulfil his promise.
Rendell 8. Led the line authoritatively and has still got that happy goalscoring knack, too. If only he could stay.
Jardim 8. Created his own brand of merry mayhem in his usual twinkle-toed fashion in the last ten minutes.
Beesley 7. Not on for long, but might have scored at least twice.
Match Summary
United took a bit of a while to get going, but once they had the bit between their teeth, they were as unstoppable as Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen and the gang, and delivered a welcome haul of goals to a thrilled amber faithful. Let us hope the afternoon after Christmas yields another sackload.
Man of the Match
Robbie Willmott. How nice to be spoilt for choice for a change for MoM, but Robbie truly came of age as a winger today with a display which tore Salisbury to pieces again and again, and yielded one goal and two assists. The Salisbury left-back will be waking up screaming tonight. As, no doubt, will be several people dreaming of diminutive footballers in superhero undies.
Ref Watch
Brown 6. Mostly satisfactory but occasionally irritating, he turned down a good penalty shout and awarded some harsh yellow cards as well as being a little too fond of extended delays in play so he could lecture players unnecessarily. Seen worse, though.
Becky's World of Wit and Wisdom
"Through the night of doubt and sorrow
Onward goes the pilgrim band
Singing songs of expectation
Marching to the Promised Land."
[Blackburn, 25/2/92]
Hello... Goodbye
Bill Whittaker was born on this day in 1922. An FA Cup winner with Charlton in 1947, he became United's first professional (player-)manager when he took over at the Abbey for the club's first season in the Eastern Counties League in 1951. He was only 28, but looked older thanks to some harrowing experiences as a rear gunner in a bomber during the War. He stayed for almost four years, keeping United in the top five in the league and reaching the First Round of the FA Cup twice, before resigning for reasons that were never entirely clear. He was also notable for passing a penalty-kick to his colleague Peter Dobson instead of shooting from the spot against Histon in the 1955 Cambs Invitation Cup. Dobson scored, entirely legally.
A debutant on this day was striker George Cleary, in a 1-1 home draw with Barnsley in 1975. A signing from Dunstable, it was his Football League debut at the age of 28, but after five starts and three games as sub, he moved on to Wycombe without scoring.
David Lill played his last game for United in the same match. He was Brian Greenhalgh's strike partner during the promotion season of 1972-73, but was much less prolific a goalscorer, regarding himself more of a creator in a similar mould, perhaps, to Mark Beesley today. He notched a total of 22 times in 187 games in black'n'amber before moving on to local non-League football, with which he remains involved to this day.
Soundtrack of the Day
Empire of the Sun 'Walking On A Dream'
Andrew Bennett
Andrew's previous match reports
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