Saturday 13th December - Histon 2-3 U's: Larks in the Mud
Mr Chivers! Mr Unwin! Pat Sharp! Histon Giant! Giuliano Maiorana! Roger Pawley! Footballing postmen! Cambridge News! Railway Vue! Vi har slått dem alle sammen! Can you hear me! Can you hear me! Your boys took a hell of a beating!
OK, United's victory over Histon today was not really worthy of the sort of hysteria that the legendary Bjorge Lillelien engendered back in 1981 when Norway triumphed over England. But after three previous, thoroughly miserable meetings at the ever-improving but still relatively ramshackle Glass World Stadium had generated three gutless, indisciplined, muddy defeats, the euphoria of the amber hordes was understandable. And the circumstances of the win were, as one would expect, as dramatic and exciting as one would expect from the short recent history of this fixture.
Damp, chilly weather, bad memories, the proximity of Christmas and the phrase 'FA Trophy' combined to keep the attendance well below previous levels, but the much-depleted away contingent still comfortably outnumbered the sparse village turnout, who spread themselves thinly across their half of the ground in a vain attempt to conceal the paucity of their number. "You've got more flags than people!" sang the amber army.
The Histon chairman was gracious enough to apologise in his programme notes for the primitive conditions that the U's supporters had to endure last season, and improvements were evident in the extension of the seated stand along the far side all the way to the end, a greatly improved PA system and an improvement in the number of portaloos to, ooh, six at least. The two at the far end of the away end, blue and white boxes, resembled nothing so much as a couple of Tardises and it was tempting to go in just to see if it were possible to go back to 1992 when United were in what is now the Championship and a skint Histon were languishing in the lower reaches of the Eastern Counties League.
Most United fans were congregated on the away terrace, which appeared to have been constructed from Meccano and which vibrated alarmingly when the amber army started jumping up and down in unison, but at least it kept the wind and rain out. Amidst all this metal, it was interesting to note that the designated smoking areas were the ones backed by good old-fashioned wooden fencing.
Having passed a 10am pitch inspection, the rain had thankfully mostly held off, but it did not take much warming up from the teams for the slushy mud to start churning and divoting, and as far as the touchlines were concerned, it was apparent that the linesmen's most effective mode of transport up and down the lines would be by surfboard.
The amber army was as noisy as ever, but the underlying mood in the away end was simply 'Let's just get this over with, and hopefully our lot will put up some sort of fight this time.' An airing of the Piranhas' 'Tom Hark' over the PA summed it up: "The whole thing's daft, I don't know why, you have to laugh, or else you'd cry..."
The pre-match formalities, led by genial PR man Graham Eales in fetching Santa hat, were mercifully brief and gimmick-free, and after a rather belated arrival the teams' introductions were similarly short and to the point. United, resplendent in their attractive new all-Cambridge blue strip for the third match running, showed three changes from the side which disappointed at Burton, with Danny Crow, Courtney Pitt and the sadly injured Mark Convery making way for Chris Holroyd, Ben Farrell and Jon Challinor, with an injured Mark Beesley missing from the bench.
On the face of it, a narrow 4-3-3 line-up seemed to be the plan in order to avoid the worst of the mud on the pitch's flanks, although it looked more like a fluid 4-4-2 once proceedings commenced with Farrell staying wide right and Robbie Willmott starting on the opposite flank, with a licence to cut inside. Ex-U Josh Simpson lined up in midfield for the hosts alongside Antonio Murray, son of United legend Jamie.
It could have been argued that United were positively underdogs, after three goalless defeats at this venue in the last two years and the hosts in the best form in the BSP and on the crest of a much-publicised FA Cup run to boot (some of you may have attempted to watch their defeat of Leeds on telly and wondered why it was being played underwater). The conditions certainly suited their up-and-at-em, set-piece and long ball (sorry, 'right ball') based game plan, the pitch boggy, soggy and about to get much worse as the rain arrived not long after kick-off. But it was United's challenge to match them, physically, mentally and organisationally, and if they could do that and play a bit of football at the same time, they had a chance.
The U's made an encouraging start, dominating possession from the off, although it did not take them long to discover that every pass had to be firmly struck to ensure that it did not get stuck in the sticky brown goo. (That's mud, by the way, they hadn't been staging showjumping earlier...) However, it was Histon who took the lead with their first shot of the match.
One thing to avoid against Histon is to give them any sort of free-kick, or indeed throw-in, in the final third of the pitch. On 5 United did just that, Gareth Gwillim swept the free-kick in from the left, it was half-cleared to the opposite side of the box, and there was Jack Midson to steer a shot through the bodies and into the far corner of the net. 1-0.
Visiting heads did not go down, however, and they continued to work hard against an equally determined opposition. Most frequent attacking outlet was Willmott, who seemed able to beat the much-vaunted Lanre Oyebanjo at will, but young Robbie repeatedly frustrated with his final delivery, either failing to beat the first man with an underpowered cross or being dispossessed before he made up his mind what to do. On 14 he cut inside past Murray, for whom defending is clearly not a strong point, but could not keep his shot down and blazed over the top.
A couple of minutes later the 'fun' really started, as we have come to expect from this fixture. Holroyd gave chase to a ball down the right flank, and clearly had twice the pace of Gwillim, but the left-back deliberately obstructed his man with the ball yards away and they went down in a heap as Holroyd tried in vain to clamber past him. Incredibly, it was the U's man who was adjudged to have committed a foul by ref Sutton.
Next moment, players from both sides were rushing to join in the mass debate, and in the ensuing untidy melee home skipper Mat Mitchel-King clearly pushed Phil Bolland in the face. Bolland was booked for dissent, and after some consultation with his team, Sutton had no choice but to show the Histon man the red card his indiscipline merited. Stuart Bimson had also been unable to resist, er, offering his input, and he was banished to the stands. Luckily there was plenty of room...
Now the rain began to fall in earnest, and the conditions made it difficult for both teams to play football of any sort. United, as in so many games this season, were all build-up and no end product, and home keeper Danny Naisbitt's green strip remained mud-free. They were still enjoying more possession than Histon, though, whose infrequent attacks were regularly halted by the offside flag thanks to United's well-drilled back line. Left winger Nathaniel Knight-Percival had dropped back to replace Mitchel-King in defence and Midson was stationed deeper in a 4-4-1 for the hosts.
The outcome of all this was deadlock, Histon stoutly resisting United's rather toothless probing as the surface got steadily worse, and the amber hordes began to fear the worst. Strikers Rendell and Holroyd had precious little to work with and Willmott still looked the likeliest to force the breakthrough, if he could only find a bit more of a cool head when it counted.
Rendell won a header at the far post from Willmott's cross on the half hour, and Matt Langston (he's a postman, apparently) turned to clear before it could trouble Naisbitt, while up the other end Simpson fired wide. But with little penetration into the United half while they readjusted, the hosts were unable to force the set pieces which are so important to their game plan and Danny Potter, in a natty yellow and black number, remained as untroubled as his opposite number.
Ironically, United almost took the lead three minutes from the break from a long throw of their own. Anthony Tonkin flung it in, Bolland flicked on, Holroyd had a toepoke blocked and the ball ran to Farrell on the edge of the box; he fired goalward over the treacherous surface, it was heading wide but Holroyd flung himself at it and deflected it towards the far bottom corner; but even as the amber army shouted "Goa..." Naisbitt flung himself low to his left to push it around the post and finally get a patch of brown on his immaculate kit.
United continued to probe for the equaliser. Wayne Hatswell nodded Willmott's right-wing corner over the top, then another flag-kick from the left found Bolland's head close in at the near post, but Naisbitt palmed it out and Rendell's follow-up shot was blocked by the sheer weight of bodies in the six-yard box.
A minute before the 45 was up, Tonkin was carded for a clumsy foul on Murray as he threatened to break away on halfway, but United's only further threat of the half in the four added minutes was a Rendell shot which he skied over. The last action summed the visitors up: plenty of possession, lots of neat inter-passing, but nearly all sideways with no-one showing any sign of wanting to actually drive either themselves or the ball into the box where the danger was. So far, déjà vu, and United would need the snap of a Christmas cracker in part two rather than part one's rather damp squib if they were to make that long-awaited breakthrough.
The rain continued to hammer down during the interval, although Histon's ground improvements meant that the away contingent did not have to get wet this time, and as the pitch increasingly began to resemble Grimpen Mire, one feared for the safety of United's diminutive subs, Pitt and Jardim, who would surely become nothing but a sinking, waving hand if they stepped onto those flanks. Perhaps there is a market out there for wellington boots with studs in the soles. Maybe Nicklas Bendtner would like some pink ones?
The U's needed a good start to the second half... and they got a perfect one. Forty seconds from the restart, Rendell marauded down the right channel and floated over what was surely a diagonal cross. But somehow, gloriously, it sailed inexorably past Naisbitt and in at the far post. First goal at Bridge Road in living memory: 1-1!
It might have been something of a fluke, but just to see a United goal of any sort at this place went a long way to laying some unwelcome ghosts. Histon responded with a Murray shot which flew wide, but Midson was carrying an injury and was forced to withdraw on 51, to be replaced by Craig Pope. The right-back was given a predictable 'welcome' by the amber faithful after his having been found guilty of abusing Leo Fortune-West last season, both at tribunal and appeal, and he took his usual position, Oyebanjo moving to centre-back and Knight-Percival returning to midfield.
To the amber army's immense satisfaction, Pope had scarcely been on the field for thirty seconds when he conceded a penalty, clumsily upending Willmott as he sped past him in the area. Rendell stepped up to the plate and deceived Naisbitt as he fired confidently home. 2-1!
After a dream start to the half, United seemed to think that their job was done, and energy levels dropped. To their credit, Histon's ten men responded with a spell of pressure as Gwillim's long throws began to come into their own. One on 58 led to Simpson teeing up Knight-Percival for a shot from twelve yards which came off the bar with Potter beaten, and another on the hour from the opposite flank was flicked on by Langston (I gather he's a postman) to Knight-Percival, unattended in the middle, and this time he poked home from the same distance. 2-2.
Now U's minds strayed back to previous failed attempts to beat ten men (or, one occasion, eight - some of us still have nightmares about that - 28th December 1999, United 0-0 Cardiff, the horror!) and a reinvigorated Histon slugged it out toe to toe. Still the rain cascaded down, normal passing almost an impossibility, and the hosts' pressing tactics, designed to produce set pieces, began to become more effective. United dug in, and play switched back and forth as everyone prayed to avoid a replay.
Challinor fired over on 66, another player unable to keep his shots down, Langston (did someone say he was a postman?) nodded a corner over from close range, and both defences continued to repel the odd searching cross, although neither keeper was especially busy. Ref Sutton was becoming more random in his decision making, and when Dan Gleeson was felled by Murray on 72, Potter protested that such a challenge had merited a booking earlier in the game, only to find himself in the book for dissent.
Langston (you know, the postman) was next for a carding ten minutes later for bringing down Willmott, and when he repeated the trick even more blatantly a minute later, the man in black was left with little option but to give him another one. Histon were down to nine men. The postman always fouls twice.
Still the teams went at each other hammer and tongs. On 85 Danny Wright chased a through ball down the middle shoulder-to-shoulder with Gleeson, and as he entered the box, the home striker tumbled theatrically to the ground as if hit by a sniper. A cynical dive of the most blatant kind, but somehow Sutton was fooled and pointed to the spot, to the outrage of all connected with the visitors. Tellingly, Gleeson was not even booked.
Wright stepped up to take the penalty himself, and success would surely seal victory for the nine men. But Potter had other ideas. The kick was struck powerfully to the keeper's right, but he flung himself to make a fantastic one-handed save. Justice had been done.
So another tumultuous United-Histon battle worked its way to a climax as the precipitation continue to tumble. The U's had surely avoided the unthinkable with the penalty save, but could they still snatch victory? Right at the end of the 90 we had our answer.
United, still trying to pass the ball along the surface rather than through the air, advanced down the middle through Tonkin. He sent Rendell away down the right channel, he cut inside and found Willmott, arriving unmarked on the other side of the box. This time the youngster did not panic, or over-elaborate; he simply kept his cool and slid the ball past Naisbitt for the winner. At last. 3-2!
Courtney Pitt donned snorkel and flippers to became United's first sub as four added minutes were indicated, and a spirited Histon side mounted one last assault on the U's goal as time ticked away, Wright seeing a shot headed behind and Naisbitt joining the throng for one last corner. But United, led by the indomitable twin towers of Hatswell and Bolland, stood firm, and victory was theirs seconds later. The hoodoo had been broken.
It was Histon's first defeat in fourteen games (not counting the Setanta Shield, and let's face it, who does?) and whatever the circumstances, much of which the villagers brought upon themselves, it was a good, battling win for United at a place where everyone (including Leeds) struggles for a result. Now if they can just ally this fighting spirit to some quality football on a decent surface, and keep up this new, unfamiliar habit of scoring goals, we might just be in for an exciting second half of the season. Special delivery.
Statto Corner
Today saw United's first away victory in the FA Trophy ever, at the fifth attempt, after defeats at Bromsgrove (1969-70), Dorchester (2005-06) and of course Histon for the last three seasons. The U's however have a 100% home record in the competition, having beaten Minehead 2-1 in January 1970 and King's Lynn 5-0 last season in their only two Abbey ties to date.
Scott Rendell is United's all-time top goalscorer in the Trophy with four. No other player has scored more than once.
Today's match was the fourth time the U's have scored three goals in a match this season…and they have all been away from home, in four different competitions: Eastbourne (3-0, BSP), Boston (3-2, FA Cup), and AFC Telford (3-4, Setanta Shield) before today. United have not scored three goals or more at home in a competitive match since defeating Droylsden 5-0 way back on 22nd January, rather surprisingly, although they did beat Everton 4-2 in pre-season.
Robbie Willmott's goal today was his second in United colours, and neither have come in the league; his previous one was at Boston.
Today's victory was United's first ever at Histon in a national competition, after one Conference game, three in the FA Trophy, two in the FA Cup and two in the FA Amateur Cup, going back to 1934.
The last United player to score at Histon was Danny Carey-Bertram, the winning penalty in a 4-3 shoot-out win after a goalless draw to win the Cambs Professional Cup on 11th July 2006. Daniel Chillingworth was the last to score there from open play in a 2-1 friendly defeat on 15th July 2003.
As far as competitive matches go, United's last win at Bridge Road was on 29th January 1984, 4-0 in the East Anglian Cup. And if you're looking at national competitions, you would have to go back to 20th September 1947 for United's last score there, in a 6-4 FA Cup Preliminary Round defeat. Of course it was Histon Institute versus Abbey United in those days.
The last United game in which a team had two players sent off was - well I never - our last FA Trophy game at Histon on 16th January this year, when Paul Carden and Leo Fortune-West were dismissed. The last opposition to experience multiple red cards was Mansfield Town on 27th September 2003, Rhys Day and Iyseden Christie off as well as Dave Kitson for the U's at the Abbey. United lost 2-1.
Player Ratings
Potter 8. Little he could do about the goals, and his penalty save was not only magnificent but a match winner.
Gleeson 7. Stuck to his task solidly.
Bolland 8. Strong aerial presence, much needed against today's opposition.
Hatswell 8. In the thick of it as usual.
Tonkin 7. Boggy conditions did not suit him, but he gave it a go.
Farrell 7. Energetic slogger.
Carden 8. All-action effort to banish the memory of Burton.
Challinor 7. Played his part.
Willmott 7. Enjoyed a lot of possession, although still much work needed on his final ball. Rewarded with the winner.
Holroyd 7. Perpetual motion up front and always a willing target.
Rendell 8. Class came through.
Pitt 6. Only on for a couple of minutes.
Match Summary
As usual, this fixture provided more drama than the Christmas episodes of Eastenders, but this time there was a happy ending for the long-suffering United supporters as their team clinched a deserved victory in heart-stopping fashion amidst a blizzard of red cards, driving rain and glutinous mud. The only way we can follow this on Boxing Day will be to release a few lions onto the pitch.
Man of the Match
Danny Potter. No one individual stood out in a gritty team performance, but his superb penalty save will live long in the memory, saving United from embarrassment and providing the impetus for a dramatic victory.
Ref Watch
Sutton 4. It was a difficult match to play in, due to both the conditions and the history between the clubs, but Mr Sutton seemed to make little allowance for the treacherous conditions in the second half. No arguments about either red card - both thoroughly deserved - but his yellow for Potter was unnecessary and he got it horribly wrong for the penalty, when he should have booked Wright for his pathetic dive. Thankfully, justice was done in the end.
Becky's World of Wit and Wisdom
"A note to you supporters who sometimes do not understand some of the things we do here at the club. We are aiming to create a team of eleven individuals moving as one. This takes at times, great self denial of expression on the football field and our lads need great praise for not playing for themselves but for the team. I have nothing but great admiration for a team of young men who have risen to great heights." [Millwall, 4/4/92]
Hello... Goodbye
Happy birthday today to Rob 'Buzz Lightyear' Newman (1963), who did such a fine job in getting the club back on its feet after the dark days of administration and relegation, but was unable to take that recovery to the next level. Last in work as Kevin Bond's assistant at Bournemouth, how ironic that Jimmy Quinn should have taken over the reins at Dean Court earlier this season.
On this day in 2005 Max Porter made his U's debut in a 4-2 LDV defeat at Macclesfield. Signing for United from Southend after a loan spell, he only appeared ten times in black'n'amber before being released, but after a spell at Bishop's Stortford he is now back in League football at Barnet.
Right-back Nick Robbins made his last appearance for the U's in that same LDV match. After five first team appearances he was released the following March, along with Dave Daniels, Paul Atkins and Mbiyeye Medine, into the wild of non-League football.
Soundtrack of the Day
Duffy 'Rain On Your Parade'
Parky's Pick of the Pops
Andy Parkinson lends an ear to the Bridge Road sounds. "All right, lads and lasses? I love Christmas, me, with the family round, some top presents and all that food and drink... although I've got to go easy there, boss's orders, ey! And there's Secret Santa, of course. Don't tell anyone, but I drew Felino Jardim so I got him a bag of manure and compost to help him grow! He loves our English sense of humour!!
"Anyway, there were a few festive tunes on offer at Histon - Mariah Carey, good old Shakey, even Donna Summer's 'Winter Melody,' which was dead nice, plus all the usual rabble-rousers like the Fratellis, Blur and 'Tom Hark' to get the crowd going and keep the cold out. So no complaints really - I'm in a good mood, it's either the time of year or someone's spiked me egg nog! Have a great Christmas and remember, never walk alone!' PPP verdict: 8/10
Andrew Bennett
Andrew's previous match reports
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