Saturday 4th October 2008 - York 0-0 U's: Low Quality Street
The city of York is a beautiful place, with its spectacular Gothic Minster, winding, historic streets like The Shambles, the medieval city walls and some top-notch museums. But if you are a visiting football fan, you will probably be more familiar with another, less attractive ancient structure: the gents' toilets at Kit-Kat Crescent. (Yes, they've still got that daft name.)
Untouched, it seems, by centuries of improvements in sanitation, health and safety, this charmless, roofless edifice consists of nothing more than two opposing walls with troughs in which gentlemen may relieve themselves. No cover, no washing facilities, hand dryers, mirrors... it really is a delightfully olde worlde trip into the golden age of football back in the early 1900s, about the last time it was decorated. A modern, face-painted Premier League supporter would faint with horror at the very sight of it, which is very much a plus point in my book.
The rest of Malteser Mansions hasn't changed much, either, for many a long year, and now, it seems, the City of York is about to appoint a project manager to take forward the construction of a new Community Stadium at a site yet to be decided. Quick, someone contact English Heritage, those loos can be preserved for the nation yet...
This news was imparted in today's matchday programme, a publication much improved on the last few years' minimalist efforts, although scarcely worth the £3 price in comparison with our own splendid effort. One's eye was taken, though, by the ad for John Smith's on page twelve, promulgating the delights of their own-name bitter, Foster's, Kronenbourg 1664 and Strongbow, then at the bottom of the page, publishing the number of their 'Customer Helpline.' When do you use that, then? "Hello, John Smith's? Please help! We're desperate! We've run out of lager! Can you send some round right now? You're our last chance. My address? Sure, it's..."
There was more of a meaty theme on the advertising hoardings around the pitch perimeter at Aero Avenue: Simply Sausages, Jack Scaife's British Dry Cured Bacon, Hogg The Builder, even McDonald's, which I believe has some tenuous connection with meat of some description.
Toblerone Towers is a splendidly old-fashioned ground, with stands filled with faded seats on both sides, once red, now various shades of pale pink, a covered terrace for the home fans at one end, and of course an uncovered terrace for the visitors at t'other. There was a section of seating, however, open to the amber hordes at one end of an adjoining stand, and many of the singers made their way there to enjoy the better acoustics, and to avoid a downpour from the menacingly scudding grey clouds overhead. And generously, York were not asking for their usual £1 surcharge to switch to the seats.
You know the football season has truly arrived when the weather takes a turn for the parky and you dust down the old CUFC hat, scarf and gloves from the drawer they have been sitting in since April. Hmm, don't remember seeing that stain before. And they were needed today, on a chilly day with a cold breeze and the ever-present threat of rain in the air. That did not deter one lone wasp, however - the last wasp of summer - from buzzing around the away end in search of its mates, who had apparently flown south for the winter, or whatever it is wasps do (timeshare in Tenerife?).
There has been one change at Snickers Street (formerly Marathon Mews) though: their team is sporting a smart new strip of red-and-navy halved shirts and navy shorts. They are unbeaten at home so far, although having drawn more games than they have won and with a fairly poor away record, they are languishing in the bottom half of what is admittedly a very tight league.
Our Gary made two changes from last week's last-gasp win over Grays, recalling fit-again Anthony Tonkin in place of Danny Brown and starting Lee McEvilly ahead of Felino Jardim; yes, it was back to the wingless wonders and the 4-3-3 formation that worked so well against Wrexham but has signally failed to fire on every occasion since.
For York, the dangerous forward Onomo Sodje was missing through injury, and they were captained by Mark Greaves, a former team-mate of Our Gary at Hull who reminisced in the programme "Brabs was a massive character at Hull City and although he took every free-kick in four years he never scored one and became a cult hero there."
The teams ran out to a welcome from the PA to "Cambridge United and the Mister Men" - at least that's what it sounded like - and a new chant from the mischievous amber army about our village neighbours which I could not possibly repeat for fear of falling foul of their crack legal team.
United made a decent start as the hosts got used to facing three out-and-out strikers, and within a couple of minutes ex-Yorkie Mark Convery found McEvilly's head with a right-wing cross, but keeper Michael Ingram made a comfortable catch. Chris Holroyd also looked promising with his mobility, but the final ball was just lacking.
The Wispa Way warriors responded, though, with what turned out to be the best chance of the day on 8. Craig Farrell bent his run across United's back line and remained just onside to run onto a through ball from deep, and he headed for goal with Phil Bolland in hot pursuit. Farrell made it all the way to the box, but Danny Potter stood tall, waited for the shot and blocked six yards out; the ball ran to Farrell's colleague Simon Rusk, but he scuffed his shot at the vacant goal under challenge from Tonkin, and Wayne Hatswell was able to complete the clearance as it trundled slowly goalward. Phew.
Thereafter the contest became somewhat scrappy. With neither full-back getting forward much in support, United's attacking options lacked width and it was too easy for defenders and midfielders to just lump hopeful balls forward in the general direction of the three forwards, none of whom really seemed to know how they were supposed to make this system work, all running around like headless chickens and failing to link up with each other. York, with four against three in midfield, began to boss the centre of the park, although they could get little change out of a doughty U's back four led as ever by a towering Hatswell.
McEvilly managed another header at goal on 19, but again the catch was easy for Ingram, and goalmouth action became rarer than a Joe Kinnear sentence without a swear word in it. As a spectacle it was on a par with the dreary weather. Bolland blocked a Farrell shot on 33, home debut boy Peter Holmes was booked for fouling Holroyd a minute later, and on 38 a decent Holroyd run eventually set up McEvilly for a blast at goal from an angle in the right channel, which he sent over the top.
York's finishing was no better, Rusk scudding a shot wide on 40, and a 45 minutes which had seemed to last nearer two hours finally ground to a halt. So far, so dull; the 4-3-3 simply was not working, the midfield was overrun, there was no width, the strikers were isolated with poor service and seemed to have no understanding between them. This system has worked once and once only, while failing on every occasion since. We hoped Our Gary would get the message very soon.
At least Galaxy Gardens had remained dry, which was about the most positive thing to be said so far about a frankly turgid afternoon. Neither side had so far even forced a corner.
First danger of part two threatened on 51, Greaves nicking the ball past Tonkin and racing for goal, then summing up his team's standard of finishing (lower than a Spurs fan's insult) by screwing his shot hopelessly wide. We finally got to see a corner two minutes later, wasted initially by the hosts with a short corner routine, but Rusk's eventual cross saw Greaves rise to head narrowly wide when he might have done better to score.
Potter then miscued a dreadful goal-kick straight to Farrell, who drove forward as the United defence scuttled back to cover, but fortunately for them the Picnic Parade striker opted to shoot rather than pass and blazed well off target, just like his colleagues before him.
United's offside trap began to prove effective, which was more than could be said of the team going forward as players in black and amber consistently gave away possession and failed to find team-mates. Greaves picked up the second and last yellow card of the day on 58 for flattening Holroyd, then just before the hour Our Gary at last made a change and introduced Felino Jardim for Convery, the diminutive Dutchman going wide left and Holroyd moving wide right in a good, old-fashioned 4-4-2.
The team almost immediately assumed a more comfortable looking shape, and the players now seemed to have some idea of where they were supposed to be playing. York still threatened, though, and on 68 Farrell burst through only to screw another dismal shot hopelessly wide. A nil-nil scoreline looked more certain than a Rob Styles penalty award.
Some nifty footwork by Jardim on 70 wrong-footed three opponents down the left, but he went down under the challenge of a fourth as he scampered into the box. No penalty, correctly. Corner number two on 72 by Rusk was punched clear by Potter, the industrious Paul Carden blocking Simon Russell's follow-up shot, and some good defending by Tonkin and Bolland followed to keep the Lion Bar Lane lads at bay.
York made their first change on 77, a striker swap with Richard Brodie replacing Daniel McBreen, but United were next to test the opposing defence when Holroyd latched onto a through ball in the area but saw his shot blocked by David McGurk, the lurking Jardim just unable to get the rebound under control and Danny Parslow completing the clearance.
The hosts responded with a break of their own, gaps now starting to appear due no doubt to some tired legs which actually made the last quarter of an hour reasonably entertaining, even as the heavens finally opened. A shooting chance fell for Brodie, but Jon Challinor got a good block in, then back up the other end Jardim scurried down the left channel, cut inside and saw his goalbound blaster blocked away by Parslow.
York's second striker swap on 80 saw Adam Boyes come on for Farrell, followed five minutes later by Ben Wilkinson for Russell, then Brodie tried a long-ranger which was, astoundingly, quite good, soaring only just over the top. United continued to probe, a Jardim cross to the far post finding McEvilly, but Ingram clutched with no great discomfort, then back up t'other end Hatswell charged down a Rusk shot and Holmes fired over.
In added time Potter caught a Rusk header, then Jardim's free-kick was nodded goalward by Hatswell but McEvilly was crowded out in the six-yard box. There was never going to be a goal, and the final whistle signalled the first-ever draw at Crunchie Close between the two sides.
A reasonably lively last twenty minutes could not disguise the feeble lack of invention and organisation beforehand, and should herald the death knell for 4-3-3, a well-meaningly positive but unproductive formation that Our Gary has stuck with on the basis of one successful application despite its consistent failure ever since. The team needs the subtlety and skill of Jardim, and Mark Beesley, two players whose unique contributions bring that something extra and special that this side requires to break opposing defences down.
Today at Penguin Parade, United forced no corners at all, nor one difficult save for the opposing keeper, and although York are reasonable, hard-to-beat opposition, more invention is required. Upcoming home games with Lewes and Weymouth are perfect opportunities for this team to show that it is shaping up well for the season; and let us hope that shape is 4-4-2.
Now, why do I feel strangely hungry...?
Statto Corner
Today saw the first-ever draw for the U's in York. In twelve previous meetings, United had won three and the hosts the other nine, although United had won the most recent two. Conversely, four of the clubs' first five meetings at the Abbey ended level; but the last draw, 2-2 on 16th March 1990, was the last time the clubs had shared the points before today. John Taylor and Chris 'Ooh-Ah' Leadbitter were the United scorers in their only meeting with York under John Beck.
United's last goalless draw, apart from the pre-season friendly with West Ham, was at home to Weymouth back on 22nd March. Last away 0-0 was at Aldershot on 12th February.
York manager Colin Walker played three League games for the U's in the 1985-86 season, scoring his only goal in a 1-3 home defeat by Port Vale in a team that also included Abbey legends David Crown, Steve Spriggs, Peter Butler and Steve Fallon. He moved on to Matlock Town in a nomadic playing career that spanned League and non-League both in England and New Zealand.
Walker started his playing career with York City, and two other Walkers have also played for both the U's and the Minstermen. Dennis Walker started his career under Matt Busby at Manchester United but went on to York, then Cambridge in 1968, surviving the transition to the Football League before leaving for Poole Town in 1972.
Crowd favourite Justin Walker was farmed out on loan from the Abbey to York in January 2004 after some rather less than energetic performances in the black and amber, but it was another year before we could finally persuade Chester to take him off our hands.
Player Ratings
Potter 8. One superb stop, always looked in total control.
Gleeson 8. Good, strong display, in common with the entire defence.
Bolland 8. Back to somewhere near his cool, unbeatable best.
Hatswell 9. Top drawer.
Tonkin 7. Can't have been easy after his gastro-enteritis-enforced crash diet, but put in a good shift.
Convery 6. Busy and enthusiastic, but in common with the rest of the team, could create very little indeed.
Carden 8. Comfortably the best of a forgettable bunch in midfield.
Challinor 6. Dutiful without making any great contribution.
Holroyd 6. Commendable work ethic and willingness to make positive runs, but made too many of them up blind alleys.
McEvilly 6. Won a decent amount of ball in the air, although that was about it.
Crow 5. Looked the most lost of the front three and was never given the supply he needed to make an impression.
Jardim 7. Easily United's best attacking player, not that the competition was especially stiff, and surely must start on Tuesday.
Match Summary
The defences dominated in a match which was right up there with watching paint dry for excitement. United's 4-3-3 formation failed to force one meaningful save from the York keeper and Our Gary will have plenty of food for thought regarding the utilisation of his squad for next week. Let's just hope it doesn't give him indigestion.
Man of the Match
Wayne Hatswell. What a season this guy is having. Absolutely colossal from start to finish.
Ref Watch
Naylor 8. A little quick on the whistle from time to time, but no major complaints. And he didn't book any United players - extra mark, sir!
Becky's World of Wit and Wisdom
"The heights of great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight but they, while their companions slept were toiling upward in the night." [Southend, 3/9/91]
Hello... Goodbye
Bill Cassidy was born on this day in 1940. A big, bustling striker, he had been playing for United's Southern League rivals Chelmsford in 1968 and after a summer with Detroit Cougars in the USA, he returned to Essex with the intention of re-signing for them. He reckoned without formidable U's boss Bill Leivers, who visited him at home and ordered him to follow him in his car to sign for United. He could not refuse.
United won the Southern League twice with Bill in the side and he was retained when United made it into the Football League and scored six goals in 1970-71 before moving on Kettering, who were managed by Ron Atkinson. Bill was a joker who liked a drink, and on one occasion it is said he stayed too long in the pub and found his dinner waiting for him on the doorstep, cutlery and all. I bet that's never happened to David Beckham…
Soundtrack of the Day
School of Seven Bells 'Half Asleep'
Parky's Pick of the Pops
Andy Parkinson lends an ear to the Kit-Kat Crescent sounds. "All right, lads and lasses? You'll know that there is nothing I appreciate more in music than PASSION and SINCERITY... so that means I can't STAND fake passion and insincerity. So naturally I was HORRIFIED to turn up at York and hear the ghastly, foghorn sound of that plastic 'soul' singer with the stupid hair, Michael Bolton! Jeez! What were they thinking, ey?
"The horror continued with Mika, who seems to think 'soulful' means 'squeaking in a voice so high only dogs can hear it' and Heather Small, who sounds like she's gargling with a mouth full of treacle! I ask yer! We were also treated to some rather nasty Eighties soft rock from Mr Mister, T'Pau and Starship, and those pretty boys Take That, but on the plus side there was a good old sing-song with the J Geils Band's 'Centerfold,' James' 'Sit Down' (not bad for a bunch of Mancs!) and Amy Winehouse's 'Valerie,' plus the sexy Rihanna, so it wasn't all bad. A right old mixture, though, eh? PPP verdict: 3/10. Never walk alone!"
Andrew Bennett
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