Tuesday 23rd September 2008 - Oxford 3-1 U's: Egg all over the Boat Race
"And replacing number 18, Robbie Williams, is number 14, Mark Convery..." boomed out the message from the Oxford United PA system at half past nine on Tuesday night. So THAT explained why the U's had looked so off the pace tonight. They had been carrying a passenger on the right wing, an out of shape, overfed pop star whose prime is definitely several years behind him. What a pity Mark Angel is no longer with us, we could have brought him on instead...
In truth, more than a few United players performed like overweight former boy band singers in the team's poorest performance since Gary Brabin took over, and their fine unbeaten away record was history by the time the final whistle sounded. And all before Setanta's live global audience of, ooh, dozens, too.
It seemed like a good time to play Oxford. A poor start to the season, lying just above the relegation zone, a manager under pressure, rumours of imminent financial disaster, players carrying injuries, the support of Timmy Mallett... they looked there for the taking, even given United's own ongoing fitness problems. And the amber army was in absolutely magnificent voice, raising the rafters with first-class drum accompaniment, standing untroubled by the hosts' splendidly low-key and tolerant stewards, such a contrast to the unpleasant bully-boys of Saturday.
With all Oxford's money woes, there seems no immediate prospect of their missing fourth stand being built, so the U's contingent were treated to their usual view of the car park and bowling venue beyond the low wall which amounts to one end of the Kassam Stadium. With dwindling attendances, the three-sided venue looked emptier than ever, but both sides were given rousing welcomes as the TV cameras looked on.
With Anthony Tonkin out through illness and Chris Holroyd dropped to the bench due to a hamstring problem, Danny Brown moved to left-back and Robbie Willmott was recalled to wide right in a conventional 4-4-2 formation. Oxford went the same way, with both first choice strikers James Constable and Jamie Guy returning from injury.
Guy, of course, is remembered with affection at the Abbey for his all-action style in twelve loan appearances during 2005-06, the highlight being THAT goal against Woking. We had only seen him once since, when he came on as sub for Colchester in a pre-season friendly at the Abbey in July last year, but he remains on their books and has now managed to play for all three major clubs nicknamed the U's, as far as I can tell a unique feat. Now there's something to tell the grandkids.
After what seemed like an interminable wait for the referee to be allowed to start play by the television people ("...and... action!"), the first major incident occurred within twelve seconds when Robbie Williams, sorry Willmott, was chopped down by a ghastly high tackle from Joe Burnell. The Oxford man saw yellow, and you would have to say that if he had done that at any other time in the match than right at the start, he might well have faced a straight red. Lucky boy.
Wayne Hatswell took the free-kick, aiming a low blaster from 35 yards, but it could not force its way through all the bodies in the box. The sides began to feel each other out after that tumultuous opening, but the hosts were gifted a goal inside four minutes.
Constable was fed by Phil Trainer, bustled past Hatswell and slid the ball to Guy just outside the box. Bizarrely, time seemed to stand still as the entire United defence just froze, motionless, as if expecting a whistle or perhaps a giant moth to swoop down from out of the darkening sky. With no challenge forthcoming from the bunch of statues ahead of him, Guy swung his foot and arrowed a low shot into the bottom corner as Danny Potter watched, unmoving in the centre of the goal. How queer: 1-0.
The goal seemed to set the tone for much of United's performance: hesitant, slow to react, out of sorts, sometimes downright sloppy. A better side than Oxford would have punished them much more severely for their somnolence. Trainer breezed through a couple of minutes later and pushed a shot narrowly wide of the far post, again with next to no opposition, and Potter made his feelings known in no uncertain terms.
First corner actually fell to United on 7, but Felino Jardim's inswinger dropped harmlessly wide. Oxford were clearly buoyed by their early lead, and the U's seemed to have little answer initially; front two Crow and McEvilly were both lacking in fitness for varying reasons, Big Mac looking as if he were playing in boots with concrete insoles, while central midfield pairing Paul Carden and Jon Challinor did not look themselves either, mostly anonymous, while wingers Willmott and Jardim flitted in and out of the game as and when they were able to gain possession.
Although United enjoyed a fair slice of the play, they could make no inroads in the final third, whereas Oxford looked far more dangerous when they attacked through Constable and Guy against a strangely hesitant-looking Hatswell and Bolland, who had been so outstanding this season up to now.
Hatswell conceded a corner on 20 in dealing with a Yemi Odubade cross, and from the flag-kick Trainer fired low for the near post, but Potter was there to gather. Then Guy muscled his way through, but Carden was there with a good last-minute interception to stop him in his tracks.
United responded with a Willmott cross which was cleared behind for a corner, Jardim's kick falling to Crow, but he blasted over from an angle inside the box. Back came the hosts with a powerful Odubade shot from the corner of the area which Potter did well to parry. Crow forced another corner with a shot on 27, the new boy looking the most likely to create something, but it came to nothing; in fact United struggled to win a single aerial ball in Oxford's box all night.
The U's seemed particularly vulnerable to players running at them, and on 33 they were almost punished when Odubade fed Trainer, no-one closed him down, and his humdinger of a shot from 20 yards cannoned off the bar with Potter again rooted to the spot. Guy dragged a shot wide a minute later, and on 41 Carden fouled Trainer to concede a free-kick on the edge of the area, but the Oxford man's shot was driven feebly into the wall.
More sloppiness ensued on 44 as Challinor's hopeless pass aimed back towards Hatswell was seized upon by Constable. Hats chased and tackled back manfully, but the ball fell to Adam Murray; however with a clear path to goal, he took his shot early and blazed wildly over the top.
Somehow United almost contrived to steal a barely deserved equaliser on the stroke of half-time. Jardim had not been given nearly enough service, too many balls knocked long up towards the front two rather than wide, but some excellent work by the little Dutchman culminated in a run to the byline and low cross which found Crow rushing into the six-yard box. Somehow, he managed to scoop it over an open goal from about ten feet, an extraordinary feat which he surely could not repeat if he tried. What a chance; what a miss.
Last action of the half was a booking for Guy for the latest of many clashes with Phil Bolland. United retired to the dressing-room where an unmistakable low hum indicated that Our Gary was warming up the hairdryer. And thoroughly deserved it was, too, after an uncharacteristically sleepy display from all too many players.
United emerged with several choice words ringing in their ears and looked reasonably lively. In fact they should have had a blatant penalty within a few minutes of the restart when Jardim beat Chris Carruthers inside the box and was felled by the Oxford man treading on his ankle. Incredibly, neither referee nor linesman saw the clear-cut foul; on such incidents as that and the Crow miss do the fates of matches hinge.
The hosts had to make a change on 51 when Lewis Haldane replaced the injured Trainer. Then Carden, making an awful start to the half, tried a ridiculous back-pass to Potter from the right wing without looking properly and the U's keeper had to be quick to hack desperately clear as Constable lunged in.
There were more collywobbles for the United defence when Constable beat Hatswell and slipped inside to Haldane with a clear sight of goal fifteen yards out, but Potter blocked well with his legs. McEvilly roused himself from his slumbers on 52 with a splendid run from deep, culminating in a fine low shot which was heading for the corner until scooped around the post by a diving Billy Turley, then Danny Brown, having a decent evening at left-back, hammered a shot over the top a minute later.
The Guy-Bolland battle yielded its second booking on 54, the United man taking his turn for another untidy tussle, but the visitors were now at least giving as good as they were getting. And they were level two minutes later.
It came from a Willmott corner which arced towards the far post; Turley jumped with Bolland, fumbled and it fell to Jardim, whose low angled close-range shot evaded everyone to nestle in the back of the net. Turley's cries of 'foul' to the ref only earned him a booking: 1-1.
Now we were beginning to see a hint of the early-season U's at last. Carden saw Challinor making an excellent run into the box on 57 and JC's shot across the keeper was tipped round for another corner, then a minute later Turley blocked a Willmott shot that presented McEvilly with a tap-in, but he was offside. Had United managed a second goal in this brief flurry of dominance, who knows what the final outcome might have been.
To their credit, Oxford roused themselves to respond again. Odubade set up Haldane for a shot just wide on the hour, and Hatswell was next into the book on 64 for a foul on the former. The fate of the match hung in the balance; whoever took the lead next would surely be hot favourites for the points.
And it was the hosts who took that lead on 71. Haldane was afforded too much space down the left, he crossed for Guy whose close-range shot was well blocked by Potter, it dropped to Odubade on the edge of the box who drove the ball back in, Murray lashed a shot against the bar, but kept running to follow up and knock it past the exposed keeper. 2-1.
This time the U's seemed to have no immediate answer. On 74 Challinor blocked another Guy shot and Constable had a free header from Carruthers' corner, but he nodded over. Change was needed, and on 78 Our Gary decided to go for broke and withdraw both wingers, introducing Chris Holroyd and Mark Convery and switching to 4-3-3. It was a bold decision... but it did not work.
With United's two other strikers both tiring and no wide men to offer them a decent supply line, they were unable to create anything of note in the danger zone. McEvilly managed one decent run and shot on 81 which resulted in a corner, but there was no joy in the air for the U's in the Oxford area. Levi Reid replaced Odubade for the hosts, and with United flailing increasing desperately in the last five minutes, the yellow shirts began to content themselves with running the ball into the corner to use up time.
Challinor landed himself a stupid booking for complaining when Carden was penalised for a foul in one such incident, then Oxford broke out from the corner and Murray fired a shot wide. United enjoyed plenty of possession as four added minutes were indicated, but there was no real method in their approach play and Turley's goal remained unthreatened.
Then came the coup de grace deep into added time. Oxford broke down the right, Reid crossed low to Haldane, he beat Gleeson and arrowed a superb shot into the top left-hand corner from the 'D.' 3-1.
The game was up and soon the game was over. The scoreline was a little kind on the hosts, but United could have few complaints after a disappointingly low-energy and low-key performance with far too many players off their game. A full-strength, top-form United might have repeated last season's win at the Kassam, but this was far from either.
One win in seven isn't great form, but we always knew September would be a tough month. With three eminently winnable home games in the next four, the opportunity is there to get some points on the board and climb back up the table. Now we need the team, and our manager, to show us what they can do. Give us your best, boys... your supporters deserve it.
Statto Corner
United conceded three goals in a league match only twice last season, at home to Kidderminster and away to Forest Green. This equalled a club record set under Ron Atkinson in 1974-75, when bizarrely the two occasions on which the team conceded over two goals in a game resulted in defeats of 4-3 and 6-0, at Darlington. A defence led by the twin towers of Dave Lyon and Terry Eades could, though, only help the U's to sixth place in Division Four.
By contrast, the club record for conceding three goals or more in a league season was set in the United Counties League campaign of 1948-49, when United's defence hit that unwanted mark seventeen times. The team finished twelfth of twenty, scoring a total of 101 goals in 38 games and conceding exactly 100. Heady days.
The record 'three-plus' count in the Football League era was sixteen during the disastrous Division Three campaign of 1984-85 under John Ryan and Ken Shellito, during which the U's finished bottom to seal their second successive relegation, 25 points behind second-bottom Preston, scoring 37 and conceding 95. The player who made most appearances for United that season was a centre-back called David Moyes. Wonder whatever happened to him...?
Player Ratings
Potter 6. Played statues with the rest of his defence for the first goal, although in fairness he had no chance with the other two.
Gleeson 7. Best of a mediocre bunch.
Bolland 6. Like most of United's key players, failed to meet his usual high standard.
Hatswell 6. Got through a decent amount of good work, but also had too many moments of uncharacteristic uncertainty.
Brown 7. Difficult job against the tricky Odubade, but acquitted himself pretty well overall in his usual calm way.
Willmott 6. Always a willing runner, although delivered little and still has a lot to learn, particularly in decision-making.
Carden 5. His poorest game in a United shirt by quite some way. Far too many wayward passes.
Challinor 5. Mostly anonymous apart from one good run in the second half.
Jardim 6. Intermittently dangerous, and United lost much of their threat when he was withdrawn.
Crow 7. Not really match fit, but compensated with intelligent running and good link-up play. Shame about the miss...
McEvilly 6. Clearly not his usual self, he probably wouldn't have played with a fully fit squad. Raised himself in the second half for a few decent strikes on goal.
Convery 6. Got involved busily, but too little, too late.
Holroyd 6. Did his best, but was surrounded by too many out-of-touch colleagues to make much of an impression.
Match Summary
With almost every key player having an off-day, lacklustre United might still have nicked something at Oxford with better finishing and better refereeing, but ultimately got what they deserved on an evening to forget. Must do better, starting on Sunday.
Man of the Match
Dan Gleeson. One of the very few who did themselves justice on a night of underachievement.
Ref Watch
Kinseley 6. Overall, he did not have a bad game. But he missed a blatant penalty when Jardim was brought down, and at any other time, Burnell's first-minute yellow card would surely have been red.
Becky's World of Wit and Wisdom
"The life so short, the craft so long to learn." [Oxford, 30/11/91]
Hello... Goodbye
Happy birthday to United legend and present Ebbsfleet manager, Liam Daish, who made the big four-o today. As his manager at Birmingham, Barry Fry, once said, "If the penalty box was being attacked by a squadron of F-111s, Liam Daish would jump up and try to head them away." Former U's keeper Shane Herbert was also born on this day in 1986.
23rd September, 1995, saw the United debut of Declan Perkins, a loanee winger from Southend. He scored within twelve minutes in a 3-1 win at Lincoln, but failed to fulfil his early promise and made only one more substitute appearance before returning to Roots Hall. He eventually joined Baldock Town and has since then spent a nomadic existence mostly in the Isthmian League.
This day in 1978 saw the last appearance in black and amber of an underrated Abbey legend, Graham 'Willie' Watson, in a 1-1 draw at Luton, before he was sold to Lincoln for £15,000, after 232 spirited, hard-working games for United. He did return, however, in 1980, although he made only one further first-team outing.
Soundtrack of the Day
Polly Scattergood 'I Hate The Way'
Parky's Pick of the Pops
Andy Parkinson lends an ear to the Kassam Stadium sounds. "I won't make any claim to be a great dancer - I need a dozen lagers inside me for that and that's just not on as a professional sportsman, ey! - but one song that always gets me feet twitching is Underworld's 'Born Slippy', so it was good to hear that tonight. I was shouting 'lager! lager! lager!' until the boss told me to put a cork in it, like! He was trying to do the team talk!
"I also enjoyed James' classic 'Sit Down' and Primal Scream's 'Rocks,' good party tunes, them, and that Adele bird has got some lungs on her, eh? I draw the line at the Spin Doctors and Nickelback, though, that's just horrible! The highlight was at half-time, when they played three minutes of Scouse pop perfection, 'There She Goes' by the La's. Now that's proper music! PPP verdict: 7/10. Never walk alone!"
Andrew Bennett
Andrew's previous match reports
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