Saturday 23rd August 2008 - Eastbourne 0-3 U's: Borough swept away by United tide
"Oh I do like to be beside the seaside,,," Attitude is all at every level of football, and Eastbourne Borough's choice of music to herald the end of today's match was either their little joke or a statement of defiance after their team's comprehensive defeat by the Mighty U's: we may be beaten, but hey, we're happy with who we are, so there!
The seaside was about fifteen minutes' walk and not visible from the Langney Sports Ground, but we at least had classic August Bank Holiday weather for our first-ever trip to God's Waiting Room just along the coast from Brighton. The journey had been littered with road signs to the most bizarre sounding places (Warninglid! Ripe! Upper Dicker! Pease Pottage! Muddles Green! Tarring Neville!) which sounded more like some fabricated in-joke by the locals, but the Downs of Sussex looked splendid in the burgeoning sunshine, and although the sea was never visible, the hills ahead had that falling-off-the-edge-of-the-world look about them which told you that just over the other side, land ended and salty water began.
It all surely stems from our childhood, but it is hard to deny the tiny frisson of excitement that still rears its sun-kissed head when the coast threatens to hove into view. It sure beats a load of dingbats milling about in punts on the Cam, anyway, and there were doubtless several U's fans who took this opportunity to make a (long) weekend of it.
Eastbourne Town have been around since 1920 and Eastbourne United since 1935, but it is upstarts Borough, formed only in 1983 as Langney Sports, who have risen to put this sleepy retirement town on the footballing map. They were in the Sussex County League as recently as the year 2000, but after changing their name a year later they rose to the Conference South by 2004-05 when they defeated Cambridge City 3-0 at Milton Road in the southern promotion playoff final to reach the North/South final when they lost 2-1 to Altrincham at Stoke City's ground. Three seasons later there were two promotion places each for both North and South and Borough sailed through to Conference National for the first time.
We have seen such rapid rises before, with a mixture of success and disaster, and there is always the danger that the achievements of the team can outstrip their club's facilities. Eastbourne's Priory Lane, however, is a pleasant, tidy and reasonably capacious venue tucked away in a northern suburb of the town opposite a row of, what else, retirement bungalows in an otherwise tangled and deserted set of fields.
The only seats are in the modest main stand which occupies one half of one side of the ground, but the rest was, to our surprise, open to all as the hosts eschewed any form of segregation, or refreshingly, any police presence for what will undoubtedly be one of the largest away followings they will receive this season. Our last unsegregated match was at Forest Green the season before last.
There was plenty of cover from the sun, a covered five-step terrace starting next to the main stand, curving along one end then all along the other side like a mini-Habbin, leaving only the other end, abutting onto the club house and corporate facilities, and a piece next to the other side of the main stand without shelter.
The United contingent, with drum, mostly took up station at the covered end, while the home supporters, also with drum, mainly occupied the furthest away end of the side terrace, with followers of both sides mixing peaceably in the middle. The pitch, newly relaid over the summer, looked immaculate, and it might have been the weather, but the whole place had the friendly air of a small non-league ground, somewhere between Dorchester and Weymouth. But not geographically, of course.
A peculiar mascot wandered around, something which could only be described as half an owl, with large feathery costume extending down to around groin level, then all-too-human leggings below. Perhaps they're saving up for the other half. It must have been pretty darned hot in there, anyway; I don't know the half-owl's name, but I reckon Demi would be a pretty appropriate tag.
Our Gary understandably resisted the temptation to change his 100% side, Ben Farrell continuing to deputise for the injured Paul Carden, but there was one change on the bench with the first appearance of new Southport loanee keeper Steven Drench.
Eastbourne surprisingly made no change to the team which was gubbed 6-3 at Oxford last week. On first look, their names were utterly unfamiliar, but in fact five of their squad have faced the U's in the past: striker Allan Tait for Canvey Island in that monsoon of November 2005, midfielder Mo Harkin twice as sub for Wycombe in 2000 and 2001, skipper Paul Armstrong for Crawley in 2005-06, left-back Neil Jenkins in the same Crawley team plus a couple for Southend in 2002 and 2003, and sub Jay Lovett for Brentford back in April 2001. Most impressively, Borough's cheap'n'cheerful programme revealed that centre-back Darren Baker has made 778 appearances in seventeen seasons for the club, so jolly well done to him.
Previous results and reports had suggested that the hosts' defence was their weak point, and with a swirling sea breeze mostly behind them, United set about them with gusty gusto from the first whistle. Within a couple of minutes Felino Jardim and Mark Beesley had set up Anthony Tonkin for a fizzing shot from the edge of the box which sailed just over the low top of the away end and into the car park, then Beesley and Robbie Willmott combined to provide Lee McEvilly with a shooting opportunity which he pulled just wide.
To say Eastbourne's back line looked vulnerable would be a severe understatement as the U's swarmed all over them. Beesley sped through onto a ball down the right channel on 4, but he delayed his attempted lob a fraction too much and Jenkins got back to block; the same man foiled Beesley again shortly afterwards as he drifted towards Jardim's cross.
To the hosts' credit, though, they knuckled down to their task and United's initial burst gradually slowed down like a spluttering catherine wheel. They began to pass it around to some effect in midfield as the visitors began to lose their range, although there was little cutting edge in the final third; any high balls were dealt with comfortably by Wayne Hatswell and Phil Bolland while the full-backs and the wingers closed down the flanks.
Eastbourne broke through occasionally, most notably just after the quarter hour when Harkin weaved through but flashed his cross past the far post as everyone in a crowded box contrived to miss it. Matt Smart also managed a decent run but saw his shot blocked by the long legs of Hatswell.
Strangely, there seemed to be a distinct aura of time-wasting about certain Eastbourne players even this early in the match; whether it was nerves against the league's top team or simply a case of trying to slow the game down in the heat, who can say. Whatever, their fears were realised on 21 when United took the lead.
Jon Challinor found Jardim and he laid the ball into McEvilly's path as he made a run into the area down the left channel. The hosts failed to close him down, and looking up, he placed a sweet left-foot shot low across keeper Lee Hook, inches inside the far post. Perfection: 1-0.
Play flowed from end to end, as Tait sent a shot into skipper Danny Potter's clutching gloves and Beesley scuffed another effort for Baker to clear, both sets of supporters providing noisy support from their shady vantage points. First corner of the game came on the half hour when Hatswell headed behind, but Potter claimed Jenkins' inswinger with little trouble, also claiming the hosts' second flag-kick from Harkin four minutes later.
Another Beesley scuffer deflected to Hook shortly after, then Willmott's shot met a similar fate, but five minutes from the interval United's greater cutting edge shone brightly again after another swift break. Smart trod on the ball in the centre circle and McEvilly pounced, powering forward then laying off to Jardim. Looking up, he waited for Farrell to arrive on the edge of the box before setting him up for a tremendous, emphatic finish, buried low in the right-hand corner to give Hook no chance at all. Another quality goal: 2-0.
Jardim conceded a free-kick up the other end on 43 with a foul on Harkin, but Jenkins scooped it over the top, and there was still time for United to come agonisingly close to a clinching third. McEvilly bustled through like a tank with go-faster stripes, he set up Challinor for a close-range blast that was only prevented from entering the goal by a ricochet off Hook's legs, and the rebound hit the inrushing Willmott and bounced just wide.
So ended a most satisfactory half for United, in which they had not dominated throughout, but had looked to be in a different class to their hosts when they wanted to turn it on. The overwhelming feeling was already 'game over'.
Half-time was cue for the amber army's first opportunity to change ends in many a long while, and they duly trooped to the uncovered end which their side would be attacking in the second half, drum and all, past the home fans with no hint of aggro at all. How terribly non-League.
Eastbourne played with the wind behind them in part two, but the pattern of the half was set early, with the hosts playing too many aerial crosses, meat and drink to United's dominant centre-back partnership, while the U's played well within themselves, seemingly content to sit on their lead without extending themselves too much in the blazing sunshine.
For all United's laid-back, almost laissez-faire attitude, it soon became apparent that Eastbourne simply did not possess the creative quality to unduly trouble them. Smart blazed over following a corner on 51 while the visitors managed their first flag-kick of the match a minute later, Jardim's effort cleared by Marc Pullan.
Eastbourne continued to flail like a small child punching the air with its fists while a patient adult holds him at arm's length until he wears himself out, and on 61 they made two changes, Jean-Michel Sigere and Matt Crabb replacing Andy Atkin and Pat Harding. It was only an exercise in deckchair rearrangement as the game proceeded much as before, Armstrong hammering a shot over the stand on 63 as his team still plugged away gamely.
United raised themselves for the odd break, one by Willmott on 67 culminating in a dangerous right-wing cross which was headed over his own bar in tremendous diving style by Pullan, followed by a row with Hook over who should have got there first. The exasperation spread to the other end when Crabb attempted a forward pass to Sigere but put it the wrong side and caused his colleague to twist and help the ball out of play, after which much finger-pointing and gesturing ensued as to where the pass should have been played.
This was music to the eyes of United, still allowing Borough to play it around in midfield but dealing comfortably with any efforts to create danger in the final third. Beesley prodded a shot to Hook on 69, then McEvilly galloped onto a through ball on 73 but spurned the chance of a volley and was crowded out by Baker, whom McEvilly pushed into his keeper at the expense of treatment from the physio for the defender and a yellow card for the big striker, the only one of the game.
Not long after, there was a moment of light relief when Hatswell chased a bouncing through ball pursued by Sigere, missed his header back and lunged to volley a pass back to Potter instead. For some reason the U's keeper caught it in clear contravention of the rules and Eastbourne were awarded an indirect free-kick some eight yards out opposite the left-hand post. The box was absolutely packed with red and white shirts and, predictably, Harkin's effort was charged down and cleared. The second half was getting more like a pre-season friendly by the minute.
Chris Holroyd was introduced for his debut in place of McEvilly on 79 and he made an immediate impression with pacy, direct running at the home defence. And on 84 he claimed a fine first goal in United colours. Jardim intercepted wide on the left, sent Holroyd away, he cut inside past a couple of defenders like they weren't there, and as Hook advanced from goal, lobbed calmly over his head and into the far corner. Another cracker: 3-0.
Chris Jones then replaced Willmott and showed some more promising touches as United's new pacy attack threatened to punish the tiring hosts every time they got possession. They were still plugging away, though, Harkin blasting over following a corner on 87. Challinor fired wide as four minutes' added time began, Beesley saw another effort blocked, and after a pointlessly late substitution which saw the hosts' Darren Budd replace Tait, it was all over.
In truth United had not played particularly well, especially in the second half, but they had produced what is customarily called a 'professional' performance, which had resulted in a comfortable win with the minimum of effort. Eastbourne had never given up, but they reminded me of Droylsden last season; another fast-rising side who had found themselves promoted one level higher than their competence, with a defence and an attack which are clearly not good enough at this level. Good luck to them, they are really going to need it if they do not strengthen.
In contrast, United's back four had demonstrated exactly how to defend with coolness and power, while their finishing had been exemplary with three top-class goals. There are much tougher challenges to come, very soon, but for now we can enjoy a four-match 100% record and a most pleasant day on the coast.
The swirling sea breezes kept the torrent of Yellow Pages released by the amber hordes tumbling and twisting through the air long after the final whistle had gone, while the grassy car park was dotted with little yellow paper flowers fluttering prettily as they bade us farewell. Oh we do like to be beside the seaside...
Statto Corner
United's four wins out of four constitute their best start to a league season since the Cambs League Division One campaign of 1928-29, in which they won their first five games. That run was equalled in 1991-92, but this time it consisted of three victories in the League and two in the League Cup.
Chris Holroyd and Felino Jardim have both scored on their league debuts this season. That number of debutant scorers equals last season's count, which both occurred on the first day of term when Gavin Hoyte and Lee Boylan notched at York. The record remains with the 2000-01 season, four players scoring on their debuts within two weeks in March: Luke Guttridge, Omer Riza, Terry Fleming and Marcus Richardson.
Lee McEvilly has now scored in three consecutive matches, the best run since Lee Boylan notched seven in five last March. Why did we sell him again?
New boy Steven Drench appeared three times against the U's for Morecambe in 2006 and 2007, and let in five goals in three games without being on the losing side: results were two 2-2 draws and a 3-1 win for the Shrimpers.
Player Ratings
Potter 7. One moment of madness when he caught Hatswell's back pass, otherwise hardly troubled.
Gleeson 7. Coped comfortably with Eastbourne's powderpuff wing men.
Bolland 8. Masterful.
Hatswell 7. Borough had no way past him.
Tonkin 7. The hosts could offer nothing to worry him either.
Willmott 7. Had his moments, just needs to work on his decision making and delivery.
Farrell 7. Cracking goal, although did not exert as much influence as we might have expected in the second half.
Challinor 8. Solid, energetic rock in the centre of the pitch.
Jardim 7. Did well when in possession, just did not receive enough of the ball to do more damage.
Beesley 7. Naturally drifts into the right positions, but the standard of his finishing made it look as if he were playing in flip-flops.
McEvilly 8. Impressive line leader and caused Eastbourne problems all afternoon.
Holroyd 8. Perfect debut, dynamic, effective and a splendid goal.
Jones 7. More exciting flashes; must be due to start a game soon so we can see what he can really do.
Match Summary
United cruised to a comfortable victory over their plucky but limited hosts without ever getting out of third gear, and indeed ambled through much of the game in neutral. Hopefully they conserved their energy on a warm day by the seaside for the greater challenges to come just around the corner.
Man of the Match
Phil Bolland. He may look as if he has been constructed out of pipe cleaners, but his strength, power and sheer coolness make for an absolute masterclass in the central defender's art.
Ref Watch
Lee 8. Hardly noticed the guy, and he handed out only one yellow card. More like this one, please.
Becky's World of Wit and Wisdom
"We cannot be great all the time, but by consistent effort we can beat the law of averages." [Manchester United, 9/10/1991]
Hello... Goodbye
Mark Angel was born on this day in 1975. After a promising start to the 2005-06 season on loan from King's Lynn, he quickly faded from view and has since taken his unique brand of trundling to Grantham, Stamford, Diss, Newmarket, Bourne and Spalding.
Debut boys on this day include winger David Tong (1986), midfielder Russell Stock (1995) and one of United's most consistent ever right-backs, Ian Measham, who played in every game of the 1986-87 season before moving on to Burnley.
Steve Fallon played his last game for United on 23rd August 1986 in a 2-1 win at Wolves. His 405 League games (+ 5 as sub) are second only to Steve Spriggs in Abbey history and he would undoubtedly have become number one had he not been forced to retire due to a persistent knee injury at the age of thirty. One of the best defenders ever to grace the black'n'amber, he will be remembered for the headed goal against Exeter five minutes from time which clinched promotion to Division Two for the first time in 1978 and for the occasional forty-yard blockbuster to boot. I believe he's gone on to do quite well, you know, as a manager as well...
Soundtrack of the Day
Cut Off Your Hands 'Expectations'
Parky's Pick of the Pops
Andy Parkinson assesses the Priory Lane sounds. "All right, lads and lasses? You might expect me to be a bit down after getting injured, but hey, we Scousers are made of sterner stuff that that. A few listens to some classic John Lennon and Paul McCartney and I'm ready to take on the world! Don't think I'll bother with those Ringo solo albums again, though.
"Anyway, what music did we have to inspire us today, eh? A double dose of Belinda Carlisle was unexpected but it's not worn too badly - 'We Want The Same Thing' is pretty anthemic in its way. Madonna's 'Beautiful Stranger' is pretty uninspiring stuff, then it was back to the Sixties for the catchy Motown sound of the Supremes, then some vintage reggae from Desmond Dekker. Pretty random, eh?
"Then it was back to the Eighties for Madness' classic 'Our House', which reminded me of my childhood watching 'Bananaman' and repeats of 'Metal Mickey.' Finally, we got a bit of PASSION from Dexys Midnight Runners, who were dead cool until the singer went mad and started prancing around in a dress. Now THAT is out of order!
"Overall then, it was, well, all a bit weird really, wasn't it? All over the place! Different, though, and quite entertaining, so 7/10 from me. Don't walk alone now!"
Andrew Bennett
Andrew's previous match reports
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