Wednesday 30th July 2008 - U's 0-0 West Ham: Cheesy Roles

I almost expected Barbara Windsor to pop her head around the corner and call "Coo-ee!" After all, it is not every day that a piece of the East End pops up in the Abbey car park. The old faithful ice cream van had been displaced to a spot next to the CFU caravan to make room for a canvas wonderland of West Ham wide-boy worship, a tent selling all manners of Hammers gubbins to the 400+ away fans who had made the trip to the Wembley of the Fens.

As a true-light-blue Cantabrigian, I can't say I looked all that closely, but I would have been disappointed if there hadn't been a few jars of claret-and-blue branded jellied eels, or a Pearly King goalkeeper's cap, or a solid silver set of Ronnie'n'Reggie His'n'Hers novelty knuckledusters on offer, at the very least. It was a familiar sight, no doubt, at Premier League matches, but this sort of mobile souvenir seller is rare to say the least at BSP level. How about a Histon village replica ducking stool in club colours?

The Irons' first team (these wealthy top division clubs can even afford multiple nicknames) had beaten our chums from up the A1 2-0 the previous night, so the side that took the field on a warm summer's night in Cambridge was always going to be a second string, and under Kevin Keen's reserve-team tutelage it was all teenagers apart from squad keeper Jimmy Walker. Striker Freddie Sears made an impression for the first team towards the end of last season, while Jack Jeffery of course was a hard-working loanee at the Abbey who scored at Salisbury, and skipper Jack Collison was lured away from the U's at the age of sixteen, three years ago. The rest were unheard of outside East London and included such notable names as Ryan O'Neill (no relation) and Bondz Ngala. Was he named after Billy?

There was no sign of (ex?) trialists Felino Jardim, Domaine Rouse or Eddie Hutchinson for the U's, and Our Gary's starting line-up looked fairly close to what will be his first league team next week, with only Wayne Hatswell missing through injury and Lee McEvilly on the bench as he gets back to fitness after his hamstring strain against Everton. Robbie Willmott partnered Mark Beesley up front, while Mark Convery was given another runout in central midfield alongside Paul Carden, otherwise the selection was entirely predictable, with two trialists on the bench in Pat Bexfield and Tom Youngs.

The Hammers fans clutched their replica Bow Bells medallions, the U's supporters held on to their splendid new 'Passion & Pride' season review DVDs, and we all settled down to enjoy some pleasant football on an exceedingly pleasant evening. The visitors, clad in Cambridge blue against United's white, started the better with pace and energy, and the scampering Sears had their first shot on 4, Potter collecting comfortably.

Danny then went walkabout along his left byline as he tried to shepherd the ball out of play but was foiled by Junior Stanislas. He followed the Hammers winger right into the corner, yards from his yawning goal, and Stanislas eventually managed to square it to Collison, but by now the area was full of Cambridge bodies and they kept their net intact.

On the quarter hour more good wing work by Stanislas set up Collison for another shot, this time from close range, but the thought of scoring against the club which brought him up must have been too much to bear and he blasted wildly wide. Bless.

Not long after, United finally made a chance of their own, Beesley playing a delightful give-and-go with Willmott around the penalty spot, but Bees snatched at his final shot and it spooned away from goal. The move, however, seemed to give the U's confidence, and they started matching their opponents for pleasing passing football, with Carden and Convery prominent in the centre.

There was little cutting edge, however, Willmott struggling against the huge and impressive Ngala, and United tended to play what I call Dairylea football: lots of nice little triangles, but ultimately going round in a big circle.

Willmott briefly escaped Ngala's attentions on 22 to fire wide, but play was now confined mostly to the middle third, with United's wide men, Parkinson and Pitt, struggling to get into the game. The most encouraging aspect of the hosts' play was the defending, with Coulson and Hoyte in particular looking cool, decisive and solid against their mercurial opponents, with the result that neither keeper was overly troubled.

Sears created an opening for Jeffery on the half hour, but skipper for the day Anthony Tonkin was in quickly to block, and Collison blasted his follow-up skyward. Courtney Pitt was disappointingly forced to withdraw through injury on 33 before he had really got going, and the adaptable Ben Farrell took up his position wide left.

Parkinson won his side a free-kick on the edge of the box a minute later, but Beesley's low shot was slowed by the wall and bobbled into Walker's waiting gloves. On 40 Gleeson and Farrell set up Willmott for a pop at goal, but it was blocked by man-mountain Ngala, while Beesley could only shoot wide again.

Last word of the half went to Potter, blocking twice from Joe Widdowson at close quarters, and honours remained even at half-time after a competitive but fairly undistinguished 45 minutes. The match needed a little something extra...

...which it got when Lee McEvilly and Tom Youngs replaced Parkinson and Beesley for part two, United switching to 4-3-1-2 with Tiny Tom prompting in the hole behind McEvilly and Willmott.

The entertainment began even before United's kick-off when Big Mac started on the left touchline, and then started edging further and further upfield, eventually ending up almost halfway to the penalty area when the ref's whistle sounded for the restart. Presumably Lee thought he was circumventing the rules by staying off the pitch as he advanced forward! Ref Long, after first wondering how Mac had travelled thirty yards in two seconds flat, then cottoned on and ordered a retake, to much merriment in the Habbin.

Lee galvanises his team simply by his menacing, energetic presence, and there was a new aura of positivity about the U's, personified by Willmott on 47 when he sped down the right channel, cut inside and blasted a powerful drive into Walker's arms. The new formation worked well, Youngs a useful conduit between midfield and attack and with the passing ability and vision to play the role to perfection. He slid Willmott through on 51, but Walker came out to smother.

The Hammers' first decent attack of the half two minutes later came from a rare Hoyte air-kick, but Potter stood his ground and saved Stanislas' shot with ease. United responded with more excellent football, Convery exchanging passes with Youngs before having a shot blocked, and Gleeson's follow-up cross saw McEvilly beat Walker in the air with sheer power and skim a header just over the top. Walker ended up in a crumpled heap, just like in the good old days when Dion Dublin or George Reilly or Sammy Morgan would terrify keepers every time they saw them charging at them like a runaway bulldozer.

On the hour Darren Quinton replaced Convery and Pat Bexfield came on for Gleeson. Jeffery set up Sears for a shot, but Coulson was in the way, then up the other end Youngs found Quinton but his effort lacked the power to beat Walker. On 66, however, Bexfield's long cross to the far post found McEvilly and his header over Walker just needed someone in the middle to help it home, but sub defender Holmar Eyjolfsson nodded clear from almost under his own bar.

The spirited visitors, now bolstered by three pairs of fresh legs, responded with a Jordan Spence shot from the edge of the area which Potter dealt with efficiently, then on 76 Sears seemed through clear on goal until the chasing Tonkin poked to safety from behind him fifteen yards out before Sears could pull the trigger.

Sears came much closer to breaking the deadlock a minute later when given far too much space a few yards outside the U's box, and his powerful shot cannoned off the far post with Potter a spectator. The unpredictable McEvilly tried his luck with an outrageous 25-yard lob which narrowly dropped over, then United's final subs saw Craig Bussens and Jordan Collins replace Willmott and Tonkin, who handed the captain's armband to Potter.

Ten minutes from time Youngs produced the exquisite slide-rule pass of the match with a diagonal through ball that bisected the whole West Ham defence and set up Bussens for a shot which did not even need a touch; sadly it was on Bussens' left foot, and he tried to take it on so he could use his favoured right, and he was crowded out. The pass, however, had been so smart you could have used it to gain admission to the ambassador's party.

Another through ball on 84 sent Sears away again, but Potter drove him wide and forced him to shoot into the side netting, and both sides settled for an honourable draw. The match had been enjoyable, especially the second half, without ever threatening to become a classic, but in the displays of McEvilly, Youngs and the whole defence, plenty of positives had emerged for Our Gary to ponder. Still more bodies and more goals needed, though, and only one friendly to go. Here's hoping for a pleasant surprise or two at Braintree...

Statto Corner
Cambridge United and West Ham were regular opponents in the first half of the 1950s, as the Hammers' 'A' team took part in the Eastern Counties League along with their equivalents from Arsenal, Tottenham, Chelsea and Norwich. The U's won five and drew three of their ten meetings.

West Ham's first team paid their earliest visit to the Abbey in the saddest of circumstances in May 1972, to play a combined U's and Southend XI in a testimonial for United keeper Trevor Roberts. Trevor had initially been diagnosed with a shadow on his lung in 1970 and had two operations to remove a growth. Heroically, he then returned to league action in April 1971, but early in 1972 cancer returned to his lung then spread to his brain, causing him to suffer a stroke that left him paralysed down one side. A crowd of 6,309 turned out for his benefit game, but Trevor passed away exactly one month later at the age of thirty, one of the bravest players - and bravest men - ever seen at the Abbey. y. He will never be forgotten.

The clubs finally found themselves direct rivals on United's promotion to Division Two in 1978. Our first visit to the Boleyn Ground that December was horrendous, a 5-0 battering thanks to goals by future U Alan Taylor, Pop Robson (2), Billy Bonds and Alan Curbishley. The U's had to wait until April Fools' Day 1980 for their first victory over the Irons, 2-0 thanks to a brace by Tom Finney, and the next season saw what is still the fourth highest attendance ever for a U's game on 21st February 1981, when 36,002 witnessed a 4-2 victory for the hosts.

Our ways parted again upon West Ham's promotion, next meeting in a pre-season friendly 3-0 defeat in August 1985, then again at the Abbey in October 1991 in the short-lived Zenith Data Systems Cup, a sort of LDV Vans Trophy for the top two divisions. The Irons won again, 2-1.

The last time the clubs competed on the same level was in 1992-93. A struggling U's side won 2-1 at the Abbey thanks to goals from Devon White and 'Psycho' Michael Norbury, but went into the last game of the season at Upton Park in the bottom three, level on 49 points with three other clubs but below them all on goals scored. They needed at least a draw, while West Ham needed to match Portsmouth's result to gain promotion. In a tight, tense affair, David Speedie put the hosts ahead early in the second half, Chris Leadbitter had an equaliser chalked off because his colleague Kevin Bartlett was offside (he was never interfering!!) and Clive Allen sealed both clubs' fates with an added-time breakaway second. The emotional scenes at the end, when celebrating home fans came over to us to offer sympathetic applause, still brings a tear to veteran supporters' eyes to this day.

We have only met once since, losing 4-0 in a pre-season friendly two years ago to a mixture of youngsters and old heads like Teddy Sheringham, Dean Ashton and Carlton Cole in front of an impressive crowd of 5,845. The likelihood of another meeting at league level looks to be somewhat on the remote side…

Trialist Trivia
Several former West Ham players have turned up at the Abbey in the last few years looking for a contract. Midfield maestro Alan Dickens got a runout at Haverhill in July 1995, but was not deemed strong enough by Tommy Taylor for a career in the rough, tough lower divisions. Stuart Slater had been hailed as a future great when he started out at Upton Park, but his career went into decline following moves to Celtic and Ipswich, and he turned up in Cambridge in July 2000 at the age of 31, after a spell in Australia. He took part in a 2-0 defeat at Nuneaton, Uncle Roy said 'no thanks' and he ended up at Forest Green.

Energetic midfield man Keith Rowland had been released by Chesterfield when he was given a run-out by Shaggy in 2003. Again, no go; after all, we already had Terry Fleming. Joe Keith was a teenage left-back who had just been freed by the Hammers when he played for the U's at Soham in July 1998, but he was not deemed worthy of a contract. He went on to enjoy a respectable career at Colchester, Bristol City, Orient and Brentford. And Freddy Eastwood, of course, was another Upton Park reject who trialled in black and amber but made the grade elsewhere. Some you lose...

Finally, Alex Dyer came to the Abbey in August 1996 at the age of thirty after a distinguished career at the likes of Crystal Palace, Charlton and Oxford. He played at left-back in a brace of 3-0 defeats to Blackburn and Watford before moving on to Luton and Barnet, amongst others. And who was that helping the West Ham team to warm up on the Abbey pitch on Wednesday night? Alex Dyer, club conditioning coach. Football's a small world.

Player Ratings
Potter 7. Dealt with every danger with a cool head and a quick brain.
Gleeson 7. Solidly unspectacular until replaced on the hour.
Coulson 8. Confirmed his promise with an excellent display.
Hoyte 7. The rough edges remain, but that strength and power is a splendid base upon which to build.
Tonkin 6. Not at his best - perhaps the responsibility of captaincy weighed too heavily - but he's got the right stuff.
Parkinson 6. Uncharacteristically subdued 45 minutes for the wee Scouse imp.
Carden 7. Always Mr Cool in pass and tackle.
Convery 6. Mostly tidy, although he and Carden do not make for the most dynamically attacking central midfield.
Pitt 5. Quiet until forced into an early exit.
Willmott 5. Lest we forget, not a natural striker, and Robbie struggled to cope with the strong, physical West Ham defence.
Beesley 6. Not given the best service in a tight first half, he produced only the very occasional flash of inspiration.

Farrell 7. Greatly improved from Monday night, the adaptable Ben fitted in well into two different formations and showed drive and determination throughout. Pressing for an automatic start.
Youngs 7. At last! The triumphant return of Tiny Tom. Slotting into his best position 'in the hole,' he was involved in everything good for United in the second half with an impressive array of perceptive precision passing. The only question remains: could he fit so comfortably into a straightforward 4-4-2?
McEvilly 7. Another splendid and welcome return, Big Mac's unique combination of raw power and delicate skill will make him an Abbey legend if he can just stay fit long enough. Awesome potential.
Bexfield 6. The local-boy trialist will never set the world alight, but his calm steadiness may well land him a place in the squad.
Quinton 6. Still feeling his way back, Quints is getting there, but not quickly enough to start the season in the first eleven.
Collins 6. Did a perfectly good job in the last ten minutes.
Bussens 5. Another winger shoehorned into a striker's role, he tried gamely but never looked truly at ease.

Match Summary
There were plenty of positives for Our Gary to take out of a slow burn of a contest with West Ham's skilful youngsters that improved as it went on, with an excellent showing from the defence for their first clean sheet of pre-season, the rampaging return of Big Mac, and a tip-top turn from Tiny Tom that offered United a promising Plan B. Some tasty food for thought, which unlike at some of the food outlets, did not run out at half-time.

Man of the Match
Josh Coulson. A performance of maturity and strength from beginning to end, Josh was dominant in the air against West Ham's Bonsai attack, snappy in the tackle and more than adequate in his distribution. A first team place is there for the taking.

Ref Watch
Long 6. A trifle on the fussy side, but nothing that could spoil the game.

Soundtrack of the Day
The Duke Spirit 'My Sunken Treasure'

Andrew Bennett

Andrew's previous match reports

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