Saturday 12th July 2008 - King's Lynn 3-2 U's: With Friendlies Like This...

Blimey, is that the time? Doesn't seem like five minutes since we were all at Wembley, singing, shouting, bouncing... crying. Only one thing in football is sure: everything is temporary. Except, of course, for we supporters.

After the post-playoff goings-on at the Abbey, oops, Trade Recruitment Stadium, the flowing, attacking football of Euro 2008 provided a welcome diversion during the summer. Now, however, it is back to business as usual: endless transfer speculation, ever more preposterous top footballers' wage demands, and dear old Sepp Blatter spouting his unique brand of flatulent, otherworldly bilge. Great to be back, innit?

'Back' for United followers on Saturday meant the pleasant, leafy surroundings of The Walks, King's Lynn, a neat and tidy venue which would put several Conference grounds to shame (mentioning no names) and is now a Conference North ground following the Linnets' promotion from the Southern League last season. The travelling support enjoyed Lynn's impressively capacious social club, then most took position opposite the good-sized main stand on a pitch-length covered terrace not unlike an extended Habbin. The weather veered between cloudy and sunny , with the very occasional shower spraying a light haze of summer rain on the hoardings advertising such local delights as Balloon World and Jim's Mowing, who presumably does exactly what it says on the proverbial tin.

The clubs last met back in December when the largest away following at the Abbey all season saw their side thumped 5-0 in the FA Trophy. But United's last visit to North Norfolk was five years ago, when the hosts triumphed 3-1 in a pre-season friendly against a U's side that included such familiar names as Kitson, Tudor, Wanless and Tann, plus rather less-known but colourfully-monikered trialists such as Lee Summerscales and Flory Zinga.

The United squad may look relatively threadbare these days, but the Gary Brabin era began with a pretty reasonable-looking eleven in a 4-4-2. Danny Potter, the club's only senior keeper, presided over a back four comprising captain-for-the-day Dan Gleeson, ex-Norwich trialist Matt Halliday, Gavin Hoyte and new signing from Forest Green, Anthony Tonkin. Midfield consisted of Brabin's second new signing, diminutive wide man Andy Parkinson, Paul Carden, Stephen Reed and Mark Convery, the latter stationed on the left wing despite being a right-footer with a southpaw, Reed, inside him. Up front were United's only two contracted out-and-out strikers, Lee McEvilly and Mark Beesley.

The Linnets' line-up sported a Cantabrigian connection in keeper Scott Howie, striker (although playing wide right in the first half) John Turner and two former U's trialists in defence, Simon Weaver and Greg Crane. Their latest signing, former Abbey legend Mark Peters, warmed up with his new colleagues but was not to get a runout today, although we did get to see a couple of well-known names in new boy Julian Joachim and trialist Kevin Horlock, now 35, who scored three times in three cup games for Swindon against United way back in the 1995-96 season.

Early exchanges were understandably rustier than Bobby Charlton's hairdryer, but United were undone on 6 via a bugbear from last season, a basic corner. Joe Francis' flag-kick from the right sailed over the six-yard box to the towering Crane beyond the far post, he nodded it back across the area and there was his fellow defender Weaver, as criminally unmarked as his colleague, to ram a simple close-range header home. 1-0.

United remained slow to warm up, eschewing any sort of long-ball game for attempts at a pleasing pass-and-move style which gradually improved as the game wore on. Everyone looked fairly comfortable on the ball, with defensive new boys Halliday and Tonkin pleasingly accurate in their distribution, and the majority of their attacking play went down the left. It did seem odd, however, that left-footer Reed should be supplying right-footer Convery with balls down the left wing when surely both players would have been more comfortable with roles reversed; Convery looked noticeably weaker on his left and frequently cut inside onto his natural side.

The U's defence, however, was coping comfortably with the Lynn forward line, Hoyte keeping target man Jack Defty in his pocket while Joachim was able to make little impression on his debut. JT, equally, got precious little change out of the increasingly impressive Tonkin.

Howie was finally pressed into action on 19 when the bustling McEvilly fired low at him from the edge of the area, and with United now looking to shoot more often, Reed flashed an Exocet just past the angle on 24. Hoyte foiled Joe Francis with a creditably crunching tackle up the other end, but it was mostly one-way traffic as the visitors' passing became ever more effective, Carden directing the traffic from deep, Parkinson and Convery twin pincers from the flanks and Beesley prompting intelligently up top.

United's possessive dominance bore fruit on 28. Convery found McEvilly, he laid off to Beesley twelve yards out and his low scudder took a slight deflection as it flew low past Howie and into the bottom far corner. 1-1.

The unfamiliar strains of 'Gary Brabin's Amber Army' rang out, hopefully to become a regular occurrence this season. Carden, yet to figure on the scoresheet for the U's, came as close as he ever has on the half hour when he blasted narrowly wide from 25 yards, and United saw out the rest of the half in comfort without creating a great deal to trouble Howie. One free-kick 25 yards out gave McEvilly a chance to replicate that seminal net-buster in the playoff semi at Burton, but this time he poked it feebly into the wall. On the terraces the supporters began to yawn and stretch, undergoing their own pre-season warm-ups after two months' lounging around and eating and drinking too much. Or was that just me?

Our Gary introduced seven substitutes for part two. The entire back four was changed, now comprising Pat Bexfield, another ex-Norwich trialist, Josh Coulson, Wayne Hatswell and Jordan Collins. Young Josh seemed to have gained an inch or two during the close season, but that might just have been his distinctly bushier hair. Craig Bussens replaced Parkinson wide right, Ben Farrell came on for Carden in the middle, and Robbie Willmott was McEvilly's new partner up front, demonstrating United's present paucity of specialist forwards.

McEvilly was presented with a golden chance to give his side the lead on 48 as he knocked the ball over Weaver's head, galumphed for goal but slid his shot narrowly wide of the far post with only Howie to beat. Lynn then began a string of substitutions which lasted for most of the rest of the match, and United made their last two on 62 with the returning hero Courtney Pitt replacing Convery, while McEvilly made way for another trialist, Ramon Calliste, a 22-year-old Cardiffian who has seen service with Manchester United, Liverpool and Scunthorpe plus Wales Under-21s but has never made a Football League appearance. He is also a cousin of Jermaine Easter, but hey, nobody's perfect.

This left United distinctly lightweight up front. Bussens and Willmott briefly swapped positions before changing back again, but neither is a specialist striker and it showed despite their best efforts. One decent run from Pitt on 71 culminated in a cross which was bulleted over by a sprinting Willmott's head, then Potter made his first serious save of the afternoon when he dived low to block a drive from sub Danny Bloomfield after he skipped away from Coulson.

The U's took the lead on 74 when some neat footwork from Bussens drew a foul in the box. Reed stepped up and made no mistake, curling confidently into the bottom left corner. 2-1.

And that, it seemed, would be that. Lynn did not look like scoring, although neither did United as Calliste tried in vain to get into the game. With ten minutes to go, only a major cock-up would surely deny the U's a winning start to pre-season. Speaking of which...

United were playing it around at the back. Coulson, faced with an opponent directly ahead, decided to spurn the easier ball to Bexfield on his right and tried to curl it around Hatswell towards Collins out on the left. Unfortunately, and disastrously, he misjudged and it cannoned off Hatswell's back, and as both centre-backs looked on in horror, the nippy Bloomfield sprinted clear and placed his shot past the exposed Potter with the greatest of ease. Red faces all round: 2-2.

The smattering of Lynn fans, hitherto as quiet as a Marcel Marceau tribute act, could not contain their mirth, and the goal seemed to galvanise their team, too. They poured forward with new-found belief, and within three minutes Bloomfield had done it again, the unfortunate Coulson miscontrolling and the home striker capitalising with another cool finish. 3-2.

How had this happened? It just goes to show that in any game, fortunes can reverse in the blink of an eye. United tried gamely to restore parity, and Pitt had a chance on 86 with a free-kick twenty yards out, but his curler flew the wrong side of the post. He also came close a minute from time, cutting inside and firing right-footed for the bottom corner, but the Lynn keeper got down well to smother.

No-one likes to start the season with a defeat, but there were positives to take, particularly in the manner of United's play in most of the first half and in individual performances from the likes of Tonkin and Beesley. What the afternoon also demonstrated was what the United faithful and, of course, its management already know: there is insufficient depth in the squad to sustain a challenge. The fact that squad numbers 5 and 10 remain unfilled makes that more than obvious. Doubtless the Scouse Brothers are working on a cunning plan at this very moment. For the time being, the song played on Radio Cambs on the way home seems more than apposite: Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Down, Start All Over Again.

Statto Corner - Better-Late-Than-Never Euro 2008 Special!

Three of the players who took part in the Euro 2008 Finals had previously played against the Mighty U's. Can you name them?

OK, I'll tell you. The one you probably got was one of the two English-born participants, Colin Kazim-Richards. He turned out for Bury in their 1-1 draw at the Abbey in December 2004 and in the return the following March at Gigg Lane, a 2-1 victory for the Shakers. He did not get on the scoresheet.

Number two was Niclas Alexandersson. The veteran of over a hundred Swedish caps spent the best part of six years in England, and he was in the Sheffield Wednesday side which was knocked out of the Worthington (League) Cup by the U's in September 1998, despite boasting such stellar names as Paolo di Canio and Benito Carbone. He missed the first leg, a 1-0 triumph for United at Hillsborough, but came on as sub in the second leg, a 1-1 Abbey draw which took the hosts through to a monumental third-round tie at Nottingham Forest.

The third player was Thomas Hitzlsperger. While a teenager at Aston Villa he was sent out on loan to Chesterfield, and started in a 2-0 victory over United for the hosts at Saltergate on 3rd November 2001. Luke Beckett did the damage with a brace past Lionel Perez. You see, a Mighty U's angle can be found for every occasion.

Trialist Trivia

This is the time of year when hopefuls arrive from all over the country and beyond in the hope of securing themselves a prized pro contract with the greatest club in East Anglia. But many fall by the wayside. One such case is Moses Jjunju, a striker who made an undistinguished substitute's appearance in United's first pre-season friendly two years ago at home to Norwich. A West Ham youth product, his only professional engagement since has been a brief spell at Lincoln in between roaming the non-League grounds of England. He is currently on the books of Clapton.

But earlier this year he surprised even himself by securing a call-up the national squad of Uganda for a World Cup warm-up friendly with Libya. Uganda are rated 97th in FIFA's current rankings, above Iceland and Albania but below the footballing powerhouse that is the Cape Verde Islands. However, Moses' dream was to turn rather sour.

He had been selected for the squad, along with another foreign-based player, Joseph Kanyike of Dutch Third Division outfit WHC, by FUFA, the Uganda national association, rather than the national team's manager, Romanian-Hungarian Laszlo Csaba. Unfortunately, Csaba was deeply unimpressed with the quality of the new boys, stating sternly "It is very important for a national team to have a level but not to bring in players from the sixth division in England [seventh, actually Laszlo] and a village team in Holland. It is not a joke to play for the national team!"

Csaba sent them packing, only to run into a row with FUFA who considered that he had axed them prematurely and not given them enough of a chance to impress. Critics of the coach said he did not do enough to find players himself and he considered the standard of local football too low, one memorably stating "he falls asleep while watching." However, Csaba hit back angrily, telling FUFA to respect his decisions or look for a replacement. Uganda currently stand third in their World Cup group, two points behind leaders Benin. But the latest twist is that on Friday Csaba was appointed as the new manager of Hearts. Ever fancied a trial in Scotland, Moses?

Player Ratings
Potter 6. Couldn't do much about any of the goals, although his side's continued weakness from set pieces might be something of a concern. One fine save from Bloomfield.
Gleeson 6. Solid effort from the stand-in skipper, good defensively if a little subdued about getting forward with Parkinson in front of him. Plenty of time to build up an understanding there.
Halliday 7. Strong in the tackle with decent distribution, looks well worth another look.
Hoyte 7. Still something of a wanderer positionally, makes up for it with uncompromising physicality.
Tonkin 8. Classiest left-back seen in amber since Clive Wilson.
Parkinson 6. Didn't see enough of the ball to make a great impression. More, undoubtedly, to come.
Carden 6. Quiet game for the new player/assistant manager, passing as accurate as ever.
Reed 6. Only outfield player who lasted ninety minutes, he was reliable without doing anything special. Tidy penalty.
Convery 6. A right-footer playing wide left, he showed some neat flashes but was clearly something of a square peg.
McEvilly 6. Still some work to do fitness-wise, he had his chances but couldn't quite find the target.
Beesley 7. United's passing style suited Bees and he topped a stylish 45 minutes with a well-taken goal.

Bexfield 6. Calm, reliable display from a trialist who rarely wasted possession. Also worth another go.
Coulson 4. He was doing fine until a calamitous last ten minutes. Put it down to experience.
Hatswell 6. Restrained, low-key effort.
Collins 5. Didn't let anyone down, although he has no chance of displacing Tonkin.
Bussens 6. Spirited effort down the right and gained United their penalty with some neat footwork.
Farrell 6. Not bad, but can do an awful lot better. Early days.
Willmott 5. Ran around willingly, but he simply does not have the physical presence to be a central striker.
Pitt 5. On the field for half an hour, only involved intermittently.
Calliste 4. Made no impression at all as part of an extremely lightweight front two. Should be paired with Beesley or McEvilly to give him a fair crack.

Match Summary
United snatched defeat from the jaws of victory with some catastrophic defending in the last ten minutes after seeming to be cruising to a barely deserved win in a low-key, stop-start opening to the pre-season campaign. The only conclusion to be reached this early is that United's squad is still several bodies short.

Man of the Match
Anthony Tonkin. I know class when I see it, and with his coolness, accuracy of pass and graceful athleticism, this guy has it in spades. Top quality signing.

Ref Watch
Ross 6. If a ref can't control a pre-season friendly, he doesn't deserve the whistle. Mr Ross was adequate.

Soundtrack of the Day
Sons & Daughters 'This Gift'

Andrew Bennett

Andrew's previous match reports

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