Tuesday 1st January 2008 - Histon 1-0 U's: Dogged villagers hound United out of points

United supporters have seen some surreal sights in their time following the Mighty U's. A half-time guerrilla warfare display from the Army at Bristol City. A positively X-rated scantily-clad dance routine at Southend. Mick Halsall's terrifying face at Peterborough. The whole of St Albans' delightfully preposterous ground. And let's not even mention Mark B & Blade.

Now we can add to the list of surrealism the sight of a person dressed as a dog in a Histon shirt, seated at a drum kit in front of the main stand, playing along (mostly wildly out of time) with a recording of Phil Collins' 'In The Air Tonight'. To commemorate someone's sixtieth birthday. I don't know if the costume occupant's hearing was stymied by their big dog head, but the resultant atonal clatter when the 'drum bit' came in sounded like a drawer full of pots and pans falling down the stairs. But hey, they were doing their best. That's entertainment!

New Year's Day is always a strange-feeling day for a football match, with most of the attendees invariably nursing tired bodies or sore heads from the long night before. So hurrah for the Conference, who gave us a lovely local derby in the rural surroundings of downtown Impington.

The weather was unseasonably mild and dry, and many United supporters, plus one or two locals, gathered pre-match in the car park of the Railway Vue where they had thoughtfully laid on an open-air burger grill to complement our hair-of-the-dog pints. So far, so convivial.

It was considerably more crowded in Histon's compact and bijou Glass World Stadium; unfortunately the success of the club's team has outstripped its facilities and although they are trying gamely to keep up, this is the one fixture on the list for which the stadium comes up a little short. The U's fans, many armed with red cards to demonstrate their contempt for racism both in and out of football, crowded six deep in between waiting for the small number of portaloos to come free, and any half-decent view of the pitch was restricted to those right at the front and those towering over six feet tall. I knew I should have brought those stilts...

The United fans were in good humour, however, and there had been one significant improvement to the ground since our last visit just over a year ago (go on, you must remember) in the opening of a second stand which also serves to house the new HQ of the Cambs FA. There were, however, a good couple of dozen empty seats therein, so presumably at least every home supporter had managed to secure themselves a ticket.

Histon's team was unchanged from that which lost a little unfortunately at the Abbey on Boxing Day, while the U's made only one change, Leo Fortune-West starting in place of Lee Boylan. Just one player wore gloves, Stephen Reed, paired with a short-sleeved shirt that made him look like a fashion victim circa 1985. And as for those yellow boots...

The U's fans were in fine voice despite being forced to play a ninety-minute game of sardines, although the roof of the quaint little stand they were in started to vibrate alarmingly whenever they indulged in a bout of bouncing.

The wait for the players to emerge seemed interminable - Histon had to play their Fatboy Slim runout music three times - and despite the inestimable Graham Eales' enthusiastic exhortation to break through the usual Blue Square paper hoop, it was simple shunted to one side, unbroken, when the two elevens finally trooped out. Graham had already informed us that kickoff would be 'a little after three', the 'little after' presumably due to those nice people at Setanta TV, whose cameras occupied three rickety gantries along one side and one behind one goal.

First goal danger came from United when Dan Gleeson's fourth-minute cross looped high into the air and was dropping just under the bar until tipped over at the last moment by Stutes keeper Danny Naisbitt. Reed's corner was cleared by Daniel Wright.

The onfield action was surprisingly low-key for a televised 'derby match' with the play almost as grey and pallid as the lowering clouds above, with the midfield congested and regular punctuations for long throws and free-kicks. Rob Wolleaston tried a blaster from the edge of the box on 10 but saw his effort blocked by Gareth Gwillim, while Reed's ambitious long-range free-kick five minutes later was comfortably held up by Mat Mitchell-King.

Like the Boxing Day game and, indeed, the Burton encounter three days later, the two teams seemed intent on cancelling each other out. Danny Potter finally had to make a save on 23, a quick ball down the left channel sending Antonio Murray through only to see his shot seized upon by a diving yellow-shirted U's keeper.

Potter made a better save two minutes later when Erkan Okay's cross found the head of Wright, but the big target man's nod for the line was tipped round the post. Then the contest settled down again into a rather tame stalemate, with precious little invention or creativity from either side.

The standard of United's passing was disappointing to say the least, and there seemed to be a general lack of energy, vim or vigour to their performance. The strikers were starved of any sort of quality service, and with three primarily defensive midfielders in Gleeson, Reed and Danny Brown, there was too much onus on Wolleaston and Pitt to provide the creativity. Histon were just Histon, ploughing their usual furrow with their customary commitment.

The U's finally created another chance on 35, Pitt's ball into the area challenged for by LFW; when it ran loose, Wolleaston was there to fire an impressive shot from the 'D', and Naisbitt did well to dive full length to his right and tip around the post.

Rendell latched onto a ball over the top five minutes later and got to the byline to pull back, but his cross fell agonisingly between LFW and Pitt and was cleared by Mitchell-King. A minute later another Pitt cross was helped on by Rendell to Wolleaston and another goalbound blaster was blocked wide by Adie Cambridge.

The ensuing corner by Reed found Mark Albrighton inside the box but he could not repeat his Boxing Day magic and scuffed his shot wide. Rendell then had a shot blocked by John Kennedy, but United could not make their late spurt of form tell and the interval arrived with the scores level.

We all wished luck to the Setanta people in finding more than about thirty seconds' worth of highlights worth repeating during the break, although I'm sure Paul Parker was able to fill in with his usual knowledgeable, cliché-free analysis. No, no, Paul, it's Cambridge UNITED, not Cambridge City...

Part two proceeded in similar style to part one, Mark Peters nodding a Reed corner over the top on 49. Four minutes later, however, the visitors were undone by a John Beck favourite set piece. Cambridge lobbed the ball into the box, Matt Langston won the initial header, and there was his centre-back partner Mitchell-King evading his marker to stab the loose ball home past a helpless Potter from seven yards out. 1-0.

Neither side had really done enough to merit a lead, but now the hosts had it, it was up to the U's to respond. Wolleaston tested Naisbitt's gloves on 56 and United came close a couple of minutes later when Wolleaston's cross found Rendell and his acrobatic overhead forced Naisbitt into a good save.

Histon responded with a break of their own, Murray pulling his shot wide from twenty yards, and on 62 LFW blocked Cambridge's shot from a home corner, Albrighton won a superb tackle near halfway and he sent Reed haring down the left. His cross found Rendell homing in on goal, but he blazed underwhelmingly wide from no more than eight yards. United had to take their chances if they were to get anything out of this.

The hosts had a decent chance to double their lead on 67 when Okay sent Wright away, but he blazed over from a similar distance to Rendell. Albrighton then picked up the first yellow card of the day for a foul earlier in the move. A second booking followed five minutes later, this time to Michael Morrison for an incident in which Murray appeared to run into him then hurled himself into a swallow dive worthy of Mark Spitz.

Cambridge's resultant free-kick somehow passed through the wall and was well parried by Potter, but Kennedy had fouled someone in the pre-kick jostling and he was duly penalised with Histon's first booking. Albrighton hammered an extremely ambitious shot well wide from distance on 74 before Lee Boylan came on to replace Rendell, who had struggled to win the mostly aerial balls with which his colleagues had been feeding him. He had found them about as digestible as those soggy leftover Twiglets from last night.

Wolleaston limped off on 77 to be replaced by Robbie Willmott, and one was tempted to wish that Darryl Knights had been retained on loan for a further period, because it was asking rather too much for a seventeen-year-old to be expected to provide his underachieving side's creative spark as they toiled in search of an equaliser.

A rare Gleeson cross on 79 found the bonce of LFW, but with the goal at his mercy his header was placed feebly wide. Then Peters, also carrying an injury, was replaced by Josh Coulson for the final ten minutes. A minute later Jamie Barker became Histon's only sub, on for Wright.

Reed had a shot blocked by Mitchell-King, the ensuing corner was cleared and on 84 Potter clutched an effort by Okay. We braced ourselves for a final onslaught by the Mighty U's, but we waited in vain as their build-up play remained as uninventive and inaccurate as ever.

Boylan at least was not playing as if he were nursing a monumental hangover, and a characteristic sprint across the box on 89 culminated in a snap shot across goal which was well tipped past the far post by Naisbitt. Potter came up for the corner, and Reed's kick was cleared as far as Brown, but his shot was as woefully as out of touch as much of his work today and it sailed over the back fence.

Boylan latched onto another hopeful through ball in added time, but Naisbitt was equal to it again, then it was all over. Histon had levelled the series, and United had slumped to their third league defeat of the season. All credit to the hosts, who had been their familiar dogged selves and grabbed the goal that counted, in a mirror image of the previous encounter between the sides at the Abbey.

But United's dip in form is now something of concern. They have not played anything like their best since (ironically) the defeat at Kidderminster and seem to have lost both the ability to score and the creativity to make the chances to do so. That this dip has come at the same time as a patently out of touch and rusty Brown has been returned to the team is surely no coincidence, but one man is not solely to blame; too many players are not performing at the same level as earlier in the season, and perhaps some complacency has crept into the squad. And to some extent they are victims of their own success as opponents adjust their systems to cancel out and smother United's wing-back formation.

The opening of the transfer window therefore seems to have arrived at an opportune time. It looks like JQ is well aware of the limitations of the current squad and the need for a tweak or three. We have the diversion of a couple of cup games coming up, which is nice, but when the serious stuff starts again, let's hope we're ready. We have achieved too much this season to let it slip already. Success is at our fingertips; can't you feel it coming in the air tonight?

Statto Corner
The last time United lost to Histon in a league game was on 11th November, 1944, when the Institute won 3-2 at Bridge Road in the wartime East Anglian League.

United have not won a game on New Year's Day since 1991, when they triumphed 2-0 at Preston with goals from the legendary strike duo of Dion Dublin and John Taylor in Division Three. That match was won by a classic John Beck-era line-up of Vaughan, Fensome, Chapple, O'Shea, Kimble, Cheetham, Bailie, Wilkins, Philpott, Dublin and Taylor.

The U's have played on 1st January on only six occasions since then and lost the lot, to Blackburn (1-2 away, 1992), Brighton (1-4 away, 1994), Bristol City (2-6 away, 2001), Boston (0-1 home, 2005), and Kidderminster (0-1 away, 2007).

Player Ratings
Potter 8. Alert and decisive as ever, no chance with the goal.
Albrighton 8. One of the few to maintain his standards.
Peters 7. Solidly reliable effort.
Morrison 6. Did a reasonable job.
Gleeson 5. Decent defender, but a wing-back must also offer something going forward and he is only doing half a job at the moment.
Brown 5. Still lacking in drive, leadership and consistent passing ability, he is in the team on past reputation alone for now.
Wolleaston 6. Best of a poor bunch in midfield, he recovered from a shaky start to offer good support to the forwards for a time.
Reed 6. Another midfielder who is doing OK but could and should be doing so much better.
Pitt 5. Should be United's main attacking threat from deep but failed to deliver far too often.
Rendell 5. Never close to scoring, for which he can blame the dismal 'service' from midfield at least in part, but still lacking in the aerial department.
Fortune-West 5. One of those days for Leo, he missed his chances badly then lost Mitchell-King for the winning goal.

Boylan 7. Looked livelier than almost all of his team-mates combined for the last fifteen minutes.
Willmott 4. Never got into the game in any way.
Coulson 6. Competent cameo.

Match Summary
Lacklustre, lackadaisical, lachrymose United lost a league match to Histon for the first time in 64 years with a tired, complacent-looking surrender to opponents who had to do precious little to merit their victory. There are too many players in this team who are in the comfort zone and they need tipping out of their hammocks if all of the first half of this season's work is not to go to waste.

Man of the Match
Mark Albrighton. A shining example to his underachieving colleagues with a performance of energy, commitment and courage full of crunching tackles, quality defending and even some auxiliary attacking towards the end.

Ref Watch
Scott 6. A ref to whom the concept of playing advantage is more of an abstract concept than a rule to be applied, he gave too many unnecessary free-kicks but was adequate in his mediocrity.

Non-League Player's Name of the Week
Maidstone United's Scrabble-tastic Mo Takalobighashi.

Soundtrack of the Day
Crystal Castles 'Air War'

The MP3 Files
Mark Peters lends an ear to the Bridge Road sounds. "Being a child of the Seventies, I was too young to go to discos in their heyday. But we littl'uns in Flint did have an alternative in the form of Mr Llewellyn-Jones' Boogie Shed on Sunday afternoons, straight after Sunday school. As the name suggests, they took place in his garden shed, but with the addition of some tinsel and a couple of miner's lamps, it seemed just like a grown-ups' discotheque to we wide-eyed children. It was there, blaring from Mr L-J's Dansette, that I got to know some of the disco classics that Histon treated us to before kick-off today: 'Ain't No Stopping Us Now', 'Jump To The Beat', 'A Night To Remember' and 'Play That Funky Music, White Boy' are all ingrained on my pre-teen memory. It took me back, I can say, look you!

"For added variety, the Stutes treated us to a bit of Blur, classic rock from Reef, and at half-time a couple of classics in Madness' 'Baggy Trousers' and Van Morrison's 'Brown-Eyed Girl'. There's lovely. So I can almost afford to overlook what they did to 'In The Air Tonight'! MP3 verdict: 9/10.

Andrew Bennett

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