Saturday 7th April 2007 - Halifax 1-0 U's: Oh, I Shay

The best things in life are free
But we ain't got a pot in which to pee
Now give us money, that's what we want
That's what we want, that's what we want

Money don't get everything it's true
But a 25-goal striker would do
So give us money, that's what we want
A little money, that's what we want

United give me a thrill
But they can't pay their rent bill
Now give us money, that's what we want
That's what we want, that's what we want

Money can't buy a soul, that's true
Just look at Chelsea and Man U
But we need money, that's what we want
A little money, that's what we want

Yeah thank you Paulie, that's what we want
Adie and Johnny, that's what we want
That's what we want, you're what we want!

It's hard to believe sometimes, but there are clubs in the Conference in an even worse financial state than our beloved U's. And at Halifax, their problems are crashingly obvious as soon as The Shay hoves into view, as it is dominated by their huge, skeletal, half-completed main stand, slowly rusting away with half a roof and a pitiful, tiny cluster of seats a royal blue pond in an ocean of uncovered, silvery steel. It has been that way for years and, judging by the continuing backstage shenanigans in this unlovely Yorkshire town, will remain so for the foreseeable future.

This is all a bit of a shame, because the rest of The Shay is rather splendid, a decent seated stand along the opposite side to the great white elephant, a roomy covered terrace at one end for the fans, and for the visitors what must be the best and certainly the largest away terrace in the league, a colossal, towering edifice so steep you half-expect to find a team of Sherpas waiting at the bottom to escort you to the summit.

At the top there is a serviceable food bar which enables you to queue and watch the action at the same time, and even the toilets are clean and adequate, all the more welcome after the unsanitary horrors of Stafford. The view is unmatched in the division, perfect and unobstructed from every viewpoint, from which one's senses are assailed by the sizzling and quintessential footballing waft of fried onions. Perfick.

The amber hordes were in cheerful and optimistic mood on a warm, early summer's day, and they were even pelted with sweets by Halifax's mascot, some sort of fox which, bizarrely, appeared to be clutching a shark on a stick. Maybe it's a Yorkshire thing, like tripe, flat caps and What Whippet? magazine. Cliches, we gottem.

In the least surprising news of the day, JQ named an unchanged team from that which mutilated Weymouth beyond recognition last week, although Andy Duncan and Darren Quinton made up a rather more cautious bench in place of Wayne Purser and Jordan Collins. Their opponents had won only one of their previous eleven games, but had gained 32 of their 43 points at home so were not be underestimated.

Manager Chris Wilder was of course close to being named U's manager earlier this season until he was persuaded to stay at the eleventh hour by certain assurances from the Halifax board. His team has however underachieved disastrously this term after reaching the playoff final in May and one wonders what Mr W thinks of his decision to stay now.

An impressive, sun-kissed away contingent was encouraged when United started the way they have left off their previous two games, passing the ball with accuracy and plenty of movement throughout the team, their confidence apparent for all to see. The only thing their early build-up play lacked was anything that could trouble home keeper Craig Mawson.

First chance to test the Halifax custodian came on 9 when a foul on Robbie Simpson by his marker, man-mountain Neal Trotman, presented Courtney Pitt with a free-kick opportunity just outside the box. His curling shot round the wall was accurate but possessed all the pace and menace of a woodlouse with fifteen broken legs and was comfortably caught by the home number 1.

Two minutes later Dan Gleeson found Simpson on the edge of the area and his snap shot was blocked wide by Adam Quinn, and the United target man had another effort deflected away on the quarter hour as the visitors' possession and pressure built against their increasingly apprehensive hosts.

Best chance so far came on 20 when Rob Wolleaston spotted Gleeson in acres of space on the right and sent him on a run down the channel. Weighing up his options, he went for the shot from twenty yards and it fizzed just wide of the far post.

Halifax were playing on the counterattack, such was United's territorial dominance, and Tom Kearney pulled a shot wide on 24, but it was the visitors' midfield which dominated, the midfield three tidy, the two wide men always available and the front men endlessly mobile, although they were getting little joy aerially against the hosts' huge back line.

United's own defence looked most secure with all three men looking confident and solid as could be. The hosts had two tactics, the hopeful hoof over the top and the diagonal ball down the flanks in an attempt to get behind the wing-backs, but Michael Morrison and Aidan Collins were alert to everything their opponents tried.

The only note of caution that one could sound at this stage was that it was important to score while the U's were on top, and for all their nice build-up, there had been little to trouble Mawson. They gained another free-kick on the half hour when Simpson was felled by Quinn by the left-hand corner of the penalty area, and Stephen Smith sneaked a cunning low shot past the wall which skimmed agonisingly wide of the far post as a baffled keeper just stood and watched.

Then on 33 came a bolt from the blue more stunning and unwelcome than a lapdance from Sir Alex Ferguson. The move was simplicity itself, a straight ball over the top from Kearney, and the U's defence made its only mistake of the day when two men went for the same ball and simply got in each other's way, leaving Steve Torpey a clear run on goal. The chance could not have been easier, and he tucked home past a helpless Paul Crichton to give his side the most undeserved of 1-0 leads.

To those who thought Mr Torpey had shrunk since his defender-battering Football League days, this was not the former Scunny clogmeister but a younger striker of the same name snapped up from the Manchester United tribute team, FC United. Well it works musically - just ask Bjorn Again or the Bootleg Beatles - so why not try it in football?

The U's responded well, a delightful move on 36 setting Wolleaston up for a first-time shot which disappointingly flew straight into the keeper's arms, and a minute later Simpson nodded a Gleeson cross just over. Courtney Pitt was felled by Tyrone Thompson on 43 but Smith's free-kick presented Mawson with a simple save, and half-time arrived with United an undeserved goal down.

If anything the boys in amber had appeared almost too confident after their recent exploits. Such was their self-belief that they believed that simply playing the passing football which has recently paid off so spectacularly would inevitable lead to another flood of goals, but they were not doing enough in the final third to make it happen. It was an unusual problem for JQ to have to deal with during the interval.

No changes were deemed necessary by either side for part two, and early exchanges were fairly even with the hosts' confidence doubtless boosted by their lead. On 48 Morrison was harshly penalised for a foul on Lewis Killeen to present Halifax with a free-kick opportunity, but after a complicated routine that seemed to have been devised by Dr Rubik, Crichton was able to make a comfortable catch from Killeen.

United continued to play decent passing football, but their cutting edge was missing with Simpson having Trotman breathing unwelcomingly down his neck and no-one able to find a telling pass where it could really hurt the hosts. On 57 Halifax made two changes, top scorers Torpey and Danny Forrest withdrawn in favour of Jake Wright and Andy Campbell, the ginger-haired former Middlesbrough and Cardiff veteran who must be due a free bus pass from Calderdale Council soon.

The visitors continued to press. Just after the hour some nifty footwork by Pitt was followed by a crafty cross towards the far post where three United players were waiting, but Simpson somehow headed over from six yards. Wolleaston found Simpson a minute later and he shook off Trotman's intimate attentions to poke a shot just wide with Dan Chillingworth shouting for it in space to his right.

Halifax still threatened on the break, Kearney breaking down the left on 68 and sliding a cross all the way across the United box where Pitt did tremendously well to get back and clear to prevent Steve Haslam from tapping at the far post. The ensuing corner was cleared and Chilli typified his lung-bursting work by chasing the length of the pitch to gain his side a flag-kick at the other end. The Roadrunner has nothing on this guy.

Chilli's hard work was soon at an end, however, as he was replaced on 71 by Craig Hughes' shock of peroxide. Halifax had clearly settled for what they had and were set on containing their opponents for the remainder of the afternoon. On 77 Collins tried what was surely a cross but somehow turned into a spectacular 35-yard shot that was heading for the top corner until pawed around by Mawson, and the next few minutes were like the proverbial Alamo as United pounded the Halifax goal with corners and shots raining in from all angles.

The hosts threw bodies in the way of everything and blocked at least three goalbound efforts as the watching amber hordes oohed and aahed like they were dipping their toes into a red-hot bath. Somehow the home goal survived the onslaught. Pitt sent Hughes through soon after but with colleagues ahead of him he went for a spectacular long-range shot which flew in the general direction of Bradford.

David Bridges replaced Smith with ten minutes to go and United continued to take the game to their embattled opponents. On 84 the hosts made a defensive substitution in replacing striker Darryn Stamp with old Dutch codger Gus Uhlenbeek and they picked up the first booking of the day soon after, Killeen carded for the peculiar crime of taking a free-kick too soon.

Mark Peters abandoned his defensive duties to supplement the attack, helping to set up Simpson with a header which missed the target. Another corner was cleared to Pitt but his shot was woefully overhit into the stand. It looked like it just wasn't to be United's day.

Five added minutes were indicated, to the embattled hosts' dismay, and United came close to that precious equaliser when Danny Brown lofted a ball into a packed area and Hughes flashed a shot on the turn just past the upright. Haslam was booked, unsurprisingly for time wasting, and claims for a handball in the box went unheeded as United's attack foundered for the final time.

The final whistle was greeted like a Cup Final win by the Shaymen and United were left to reflect on the fickleness of football; their overall play had been similar to that of last week, but whereas at the Abbey it seemed every shot had gone in, this time everything had flown past the post and over the bar. They could play worse on Monday against newly elected champions Dagenham and win. Their fate is still in their own hands - twelve points still to play for - but there is increasingly little room for slip-ups. But at least they look like a team that can win a game or two.

It was of precious little comfort when someone shouted 'At least we won the Boat Race!' on the way out. I wasn't aware that United had even entered it. Don't we usually leave it to those University johnnies...?

Player Ratings
Crichton 7. No chance with the goal, otherwise barely employed.
Gleeson 8. Another assured display. Only room for improvement is perhaps more consistency in the crossing department.
A.Collins 9. Absolutely colossal.
Peters 9. A total inspiration again.
Morrison 8. Solid and dependable.
Pitt 9. United's main creative force, he terrorised the right side of the Halifax defence all day with toes a-twinkle.
Wolleaston 7. Some good forward runs, if not quite as brilliant as last week.
Brown 7. Picture of reliability in front of the back three.
Smith 7. Played his full part and deserves a longer run.
Chillingworth 7. Bundle of energy as usual but little in the way of goal chances fell his way.
R.Simpson 7. Not his usual dominant self, he was well marshalled by the huge Trotman, especially in the air, but still managed a few decent efforts.

Hughes 6. Got involved well. Unfortunately his finishing was rather less than devastating.
Bridges 5. Late sub made little impression.

Match Summary
United outplayed Halifax almost as much as they outplayed Weymouth last week, but just as everything they tried went in then, so nothing would go in today. The proverbial 'one of those days,' but the U's must take confidence from their overall footballing display for the challenges ahead.

Man of the Match
Aidan Collins. Commanding presence whose assured display of power and strength on the left permitted Pitt to spend most of his time in a more forward role. Looked as impassable as the A14 at rush hour.

Ref Watch
Attwell 8. One of the best this season, kept control with quiet authority, let the game flow and only flourished the cards in the last five minutes, and then only to home players.

Soundtrack of the Day
Arcade Fire 'Keep The Car Running'

The MP3 Files
Mark Peters lends an ear to the Shay sounds. "As a native of the greatest musical country in the world - that's Wales to you, boyo - I like to think I know good music when I hear it. And that also means I know rubbish when I hear it, too, and by our Fathers I heard some rubbish today! Half an hour of bumpity-bump, moronic, electronic 'dance' music without a proper tune in sight! What's wrong with a nice bit of line dancing, eh? Nothing wrong with the runout music - the theme from 'Roocky', stirring stuff - but if I never hear that blasted England 'World In Motion' song they played at half-time again it will be too soon! Pasg hapus! MP3 rating: 1/10."

Andrew Bennett

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Previous match reports:
U's 7-0 Weymouth
Crawley 1-1 U's
U's 0-5 York
Stafford 1-2 U's
U's 1-1 Forest Green
U's 2-2 Southport
Morecambe 2-2 U's
U's 2-0 Grays
Oxford 1-1 U's
U's 3-0 Woking
Rushden & Diamonds 3-1 U's
Stevenage 4-1 U's
U's 0-1 Stafford
U's 1-2 Burton
U's 0-1 Rushden & Diamonds
Histon 5-0 U's(FA Trophy 1st round)
Woking 0-1 U's
U's 0-2 St Albans
U's 1-3 Morecambe
U's 3-0 Gravesend
Grays 1-1 U's
Northwich 2-0 U's (FA Cup Qual)
U's 0-3 Oxford
U's 1-2 Crawley
U's 2-2 Altrincham
Burton 2-1 U's
U's 1-0 Stevenage
U's 1-1 Kidderminster
Forest Green 1-1 U's
U's 1-3 Exeter
Dagenham 2-0 U's
U's 1-2 Halifax
St Albans 1-1 U's
U's 0-1 Northwich Victoria

Pre-season match reports:
Histon 0-0 U's (3-4 on pens)
U's 1-3 Norwich
Fakenham 0-7 U's
Enfield FC 0-2 U's
Cambridge City 0-2 U's
U's 4-4 Ipswich
U's 0-4 West Ham
Bury Town 1-2 U's
Leyton 0-3 U's

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